Can he stop his baby's mother moving away before the birth?

[Sadgie]

His baby mum to be is 5 months pregnant and has told him she plans to move back to her parents home which is rural and 2.5 hours away by car, he doesn't drive. She presented this as a done deal, has had a transfer of office base for her job etc, wants to raise child where she grew up.
She has lived in the same city as him for the decade he has known her.
He is devastated as can't see how he can be an involved dad as he wanted to be now. He has signed up to driving lessons in quite a defeated way, reluctant to get legal advice as doesn't want to start things off badly.
They were in the same friendship group for a long time, never in a relationship. They got together in the wake of them both breaking up with their long term partners. Son thinks she's embarrassed and doesn't really want him in the picture.
Is there anything he can do to prevent her moving? I appreciate she may want more support in new parenthood but as she's planning permanent relocation it's going to mean they have a dad at long distance for the whole of their childhood.

Sounds like she has used him as a sperm donor and now she has what she wants, he is redundant.

Pretty tough for your ds but sadly there are women out there like that.
Hopefully, for the child's sake, he can manage to maintain some sort of amicable relationship with the mother so he can see the baby.

So the nice bits? Bath and bed.

He will be entitled to paternity leave, what does he intend to do with it? Because what he should be doing is half the nappy changes and half the feeds if she isn't breastfeeding. If she is breast feeding then he should be getting her a drink / tea and a biscuit.

It's not simplistic to believe that a woman who has missed pills and has sex with a man knowing he could end up as the Father of her child is as responsible as he is, and yet that is completely skimmed over and he is getting the most of the blame. They are both responsible. Why is the Father being written off already? There are plenty of awful mums out there too. Mumsnet is a wonderful helpful place at times but this thread is not one of them and appears to be playing down the rights of a Father who already been written off as a deadbeat dad who doesn't deserve to be on the birth certificate. Grandparents are akin to stepparents, if they don't do enough they are blasted as being negligent and uncaring but the second they want to be heard or have any kind of opinion they are told to stay in their lane and stop interfering.

And why didn't the mother build a relationship and plan a future before having unprotected sex?

It seems more like the Father is getting blamed for having unprotected sex when they BOTH did

Typical automatic sneering man hating tone towards a Father.

It astounds me that a man who is objecting to his baby being moved further away is automatically accused of being controlling and apparently he is the only one who had unprotected sex and it's all his fault. I wouldn't like to be further away from my baby either!. But it's ok, just don't put him on the birth certificate, he doesn't deserve to be on it because he has the audacity to be a Father, his views aren't worth a wank. Pay your maintenance and be quiet. And I say this as a female, and you can say pick me all you want but I despise children being used as weapons in any form which is all this is "don't put him on the birth certificate to ensure he has no rights" I feel sorry for the child.

It’s not 100%.I have one friend who fell pregnant on the implant and one on the coil. They are more safer than the pill yet it still happens.

Is the son objecting or the OP objecting to the move?
Interesting the OP is posting on legal as it’s not her battle. She can support her son yes, but he’s a grown man. Does he actually know she’s posting on here?

He could have chosen to pull out.

I think if your son REALLY wants to be a good father to his child OP, then he needs to consider moving near to where the child's Mum wants to live. Has he given serious consideration to doing this? Is there work for him in the area where she is planning to move to? Doing something like this would show how committed he is to his child, although obviously it would be better to make a move after the baby is born, in case(God forbid) anything should go wrong . Also, is there any likelihood that given time they might actually build a proper relationship, as again, if he thinks there is, then moving would give them the opportunity to get to explore this.

I can understand how disappointing the whole situation must be for you, as it seems very unlikely that you will be able to form a relationship with your grandchild, unless of course your son really steps up, and proves that he can, and will be, a committed father long term.

How is he forcing a DNA test to prove he's the father if she doesn't put him on the birth certificate? He needs to be there when baby is registered for his name to be on it in the first place and his mother @Sadgie is already making excuses for why he can't travel 2.5 hours. How is he even going to find her if she decides she doesn't want him knowing where she is?

He currently has zero rights, baby might not even be his if the pregnant woman (who is an independent free human with all the rights) had only recently broken up with her ex.

All the "advice from Google" you have given is irrelevant.

The courts will not dictate where this woman lives, except going to another country. There is no law in the country that can stop this lady moving to another area

Visit reliably and regularly as is appropriate for the baby’s age. It won’t be very frequent because of the move, but it can still be useful to both baby and mum
This sums up MN very well as to how men are considered here. Men's only purpose is to be useful to women.....

Pathetic. She is as responsible of the mess they are in if not more. It sounds that she didn't take good care of her contraception and then decided to keep the baby. Yet all the sympathy is for her.

What is best for any child is to have a strong relationship with both their parents. She is making this very difficult for him whilst making it the easiest for herself.

He has as much right to be a parent as her, and certainly many more rights than just being USEFUL!

What he needs to do is look into moving there and being a good dad. Arrange with the mum to have regular contact at her house to state with , even if it's not what he wants. As he bonds with the child and the child to him, the court will be on his side.

It's not the case yet though.

There is no court that can stop a pregnant woman even moving to the other side of the world

Takes two to tango. She's choosing to keep the baby which I think is more of a betrayal. But she's a female so obviously she gets a free pass. Both made that decision both should work together to find a solution.

Legally known as parental responsibilities but even Gov.UK describes parental rights so I think I'll stick with that word
https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilitieslo

Of course he can force a DNA test. He would have to get a court order if the mother doesn't agree.

Agree with PP. It seems quite probable that "baby mum" (just because so many seem to hate it even though it's the shortest way of describing her) wanted to get pregnant, maybe as part of the rebound from the previous relationship. No-one forgets to take the pill and then has unprotected sex.

And I did explain that he may have to go to court to exercise those rights.

No

This is so weird. There is no man hating on that post or anywhere in this thread ? Of course he absolutely does not and should not get a say in where this woman lives and of course she deserves and needs to be somewhere she has support as she will inevitably be the primary caregiver and is the one giving up her body for 9 months. No one is saying dad shouldn’t be allowed to see the child, but his life will remain largely unchanged for now.

Anyone talking about contraception, the responsibility is on both parties. As a woman, if you don’t want to get pregnant you take the necessary precautions. As a man you do the same (condoms). You cant rely on what the other person is doing if you’re not in a committed relationship and don’t want a child.

That is NOT a reliable method of contraception

It's not like she has a new man and is moving to the other side of the world. She is moving to be close to family support. He could move closer to her.

She’s not the one complaining that it’s not a traditional set up, is she?