Shouldn't parents be teaching freshers life skills before university?

[RampantIvy]

I am still on the WIWIKAU Facebook page as DD is a post grad student.

I keep reading posts from parents of freshers students worrying about how their student DC are going to manage cooking, laundry and other life skills.

Isn't it our job to teach them those skills? Why on earth haven't these parents done so?

I admit to challenging one parent in the past about this and got my post deleted 😁

I received a pile on on this board when I suggested parents should let their uni bound kids sort out their own packing list rather than mum buying chopping boards for them. Apparently the trip to Ikea is a rite of passage for parents and their freshers which I succumbed to

Well me and DD did enjoy the shopping trip together

and DD did look so young when I left her

but she could cook and clean and budget and get herself out of bed in the morning

And pick up a phone for emergencies 🤭

The way I see the cooking thing, if they’re not going to engage with you to teach them to cook, then they’re not going to cook so it’s a pointless exercise. If they get to uni and something motivates them to cook ( boredom with toast and pasta, run out of money for takeaways, love) they will learn- when the student is willing, the teacher will
appear and all that ( probably in the form of tiktok and Claude). I think students do generally cook “proper meals” less than their parents anticipate though.

My uni washing machines were top loaders which I’d never seen in my life so even though I’d been doing washing for years I was “wtf?”, but I just asked someone who was in there. Now you could just ask ChatGPT. My teens do know about separating whites and darks, not overfilling the machine and not tumble drying anything from Brandy Melville or Edikted and that’s all you need really.

Ive had two go through uni and made sure they could cook simple meals and do the laundry before going (although uni halls washing machines are a nightmare)!

in fact both are good cooks now any do their own laundry (mainly) at home. I sometimes put a mixed load in if I’m feeling generous 😂

Obviously you get the odd call about domestic stuff, even DS who has just graduated asked me last week if he should boil the kettle for mopping bucket water so goodness knows what he did at uni!!

WIWIKAU is full of bonkers mums who think their world is ending cos their DC are moving away for uni (for about 22 weeks a year!) and they have to get all the ‘right’ gear.

What worries me more is new students not checking their uni emails correctly. There has been lots of new students not knowing dates they need to register and not knowing how to do it. They where all sent emails. I've made it clear to my son he has to check all emails because I don't receive the information like when they where at school so it's all up to him. It worries me they will be missing vital information.

Weepy wailers! Obviously you’d be a cold fish if you weren’t nervous for them, but also happy they’re taking the next step and getting in w their lives.

I had an interesting conversation with DD (18, about to go off to Uni) about this recently when I said how I was impressed at how good she is at lifeskills and told her I thought being a lifeguard had made a difference to her maturity. She agreed but also told me her girlfriend (a young carer) is very independent and capable and that has made DD more independent as well. I'm sure GF's parents would rather she hadn't had to be a young carer. Mine can all do basic skills but they've also had the luxury of healthy parents and siblings and so can be a bit selfish and immature on occasion with no major impact on others.

All summer crying?! Maybe moist eyes at the final goodbye, but that’s about it. Stiff upper lip, me!

I was about to post exactly the same! Also how to squash cans and boxes so their recycling bin isn't overflowing onto the pavement on day 2.

Surely it’s normal to worry about how they will cope? I know mine can cook basic meals and knows how to clean. He’s done it when he’s been left at home for a few days. That feels very different from suddenly living independently and having to do it all in a strange city. I’m sure he will manage but I do wonder if there are things he should know but doesn’t. Guess we will soon find out.

Not surprised with the rip off fees. Less of a millstone round the neck for the ensuing 20 years 😆

Yep - common fears as a young child

Agree with this.

You can be smug as you like, but it doesn't necessarily make your offspring a better person.

Kids can be resourceful and at 18 they're gonna know how to google stuff. Putting a load of washing on is not rocket science.

Smugness has nothing to do with it. Common sense does. I get the impression that some parents lack this.

I also get that you can lead a horse to water etc, but at least the parent will have tried.

Parents should be teaching their children how to be self sufficient- it’s juts laziness not to - and that’s where the accusations of “smug” come about - got to be abusive to deflect attention from your own failings

It is worrying. This is when 6th form college can be a better transition to University, because students have to deal with administration more akin to a University setting, with less parental involvement than a school sixth form.

Some universities are better at making it clear to new students what to expect and when and what to do - thinking of places like Loughborough and Lincoln who seem to handhold through the registration/accommodation stage a bit more with excellent websites. Mind you, there do appear to be parents on WIWIKAU who are clueless that university websites exist so might have equally clueless offspring.

There’s a lot of Performance Parenting that goes on. These were the parents setting up revision clubs FOR THEMSELVES when their kids were at school so they could ensure their darlings were fully prepared and knew their stuff at exam times.

And then broadcast how busy their lives were, supporting their beloved children, who presumably were entirely unable to learn to revise/catch a bus/cook for themselves.
One mum I know drove 400 miles every week to visit her child at university just to take her out for a coffee. For 4 years!
I think it’s bonkers myself.

Yes. I know a friend’s very bright DD had trouble with this. Complained to her mother that she didn’t know what was going on. When my friend questioned her about emails it turned out it had simply never occurred to her to check them! She just wasn’t used to communicating using that method.

@fortyfifty DD's school sixth form made it clear to the students that they need to be more independent and self sufficient for university and encouraged this throughout years 12 and 13.

Some of the more switched on parents on WIWIKAU advise that students need to be able to do self directed learning. However, I sometimes feel that because university seems to be the default option that there are too many young people going who aren't suited to higher education or are simply not ready and need another year to mature.

It's a while since I went to an open day, and I wonder if admissions tutors at subject talks actually tell the students that university isn't school and that they won't get reminded about deadlines and that students need to check their emails every day. Oh, and that university doesn't have half term.

TBH I think its better if you don't lead the horse to water and just give a couple of directions

how do I use the washing machine mum?

have you tried googling that make and model to see whether there are instructions online and just google about how to sort your colours form your whites

that way they will start to realise they can search for their own answers to questions, not just with the laundry but with other things they need to know

My Mum made me little booklet with all sorts of useful info. Washing instructions, taxi numbers, simple recipes etc. And Dad gave me a crash course in budgeting. The amount of kids who turned up not knowing how to live 'without Mummy' was quite shocking.

My favourite question on there was the parents that had a sleepless night over where the kid would store their milk because what if they got a shelf and it leaked? I laughed for a long time.

Good points. Although judging from some of the posts I see I get the impression that some of the parents don't seem to know how to use google.

And why do parents need to know their DC's timetables?

Yeah tbh, even though I knew how to use my washing machine at home, when I was faced with the student laundrette with top loader rather than side, different wash options to the one at home, a dryer (didn't have one at home, and definitely didn't know the filter needed to be cleaned given it was being used by 20 students a day!), and the cheapest powder available rather than the tablets my mum used, I have to say I didn't have much of a heads up compared to those who had never washed anything themselves!

The most important thing is having the confidence to ask someone or know how to find something out yourself.

However I do see OP's point, in that if the parents have got to the point of worrying out loud, to others, about how their child will manage doing X thing without having been taught, it does seem obvious that the easiest solution is for them to teach them X before they go!