Shouldn't parents be teaching freshers life skills before university?

[RampantIvy]

I am still on the WIWIKAU Facebook page as DD is a post grad student.

I keep reading posts from parents of freshers students worrying about how their student DC are going to manage cooking, laundry and other life skills.

Isn't it our job to teach them those skills? Why on earth haven't these parents done so?

I admit to challenging one parent in the past about this and got my post deleted 😁

Some universities explicitly say that they don't read personal statements, eg Bristol.

We were told at the subject talk at the open day that they don't read personal statements unless the applicant is borderline. DD applied with grades in hand.

Also, when we went for a campus tour we were lucky enough to get over an hour of the admission tutor for that course's time and he told DD that he wadn't interested in the PS as she had already met the conditions.

When she applied she didn't even get an acknowledgement. She got an offer straight away.

They should be teaching life skills regardless of whether they go to
university. DS could cook and do basic DIY stuff like change a plug. He could also use the washing machine.
So many teens cannot do any of that. I am a teacher and it amazes me how little they know about life and survival.

Bath on the other hand always read them and use them to decide.

I totally agree. It was the " I don't know how my DC is going to eat at university because they can't cook" comments that prompted me to start the thread. I realise that some young people aren't interested in learning, but some parents haven't even tried to teach them.

Same! One DC who is wants to be set up properly and another lazy little fucker who will learn pretty bloody quickly if she continues to ignore my attempts at helping her learn these skills while still at home! I won’t be worried - she’ll have to jut figure it out (and does know how to use a washing machine at least)

@ThatsCute some unis are v transparent about the fact that they don’t read personal statements. I kind of see their point- they don’t have time to verify anything so people could just write a load of crap.

Thanks for clarifying. The unis my DC has visited have all given tips about what to put in their PS. Leeds even said that they’ve seen statements that say things such as, “It’s my dream to study at Manchester” and that’s an automatic rejection.

My DC applied for medicine and whilst most unis said they didn’t read PS, they did appear at interview a couple of times. Not sure the questions (they are told not to share) but it could become clear if you had made stuff up.

The trouble with first aid is it needs to be practiced regularly. DD is a lifeguard and has staff training every few weeks to keep those skills fresh in her head so they are automatic in an emergency.

Think only Keele reads the PS for medicine. Sunderland have preinterview questions about wex. DD2 is applying for Vet Med and a few of them require additional information on wex as well.

I don't think anyone needs regular training to learn that an unconscious person needs to be put in the recovery position and help sought. Kids go to university and they might get drunk, they might get spiked, they might try some drugs. Should nobody be taught anything and just hope for the best?

Because they don’t need to. Many many people can successfully leave home without the need for mummy to run through things they can learn themselves by trial and error( as we did) or an internet search. You can change locks or plumb a toilet from YouTube!This idea that young people today can’t survive away from home without training is smothering and not enabling. It’s not hard to work out how to boil pasta or switch a washing machine on, they don’t need hand holding to learn. These are young people coping with more than most can other generations have, they don’t need you and they most definitely don’t need a gap year.Just leave them be.

I’d be wary re saying unis don’t read PSs too.

A quick search shows you 88% of admissions professionals use the statement to check your interest in the subject. That if your grades are right on the boundary for an offer, a strong statement can push you into the accepted pile. Also that Pass matter much more for highly selective or vocational programs (like law, specific clinical fields, or top-tier competitive degrees) where grades alone cannot separate the applicants. For some courses, tutors read your statement closely right before interviewing you so they can ask you questions about what you wrote.

Believe me there are some unbelievably impractical students who don't possess an ounce of common sense. One of the girls in DD's flat didn't realise that you had to take a pizza out of its packaging before putting it in the oven!

Another flatmate had an upbringing where the family had staff to do eveything, and he had absolutely no idea where to start, so he lived on takeaways all the time and never did any washing up.

I don't understand your stance of sending a completely unprepared young person to live independently TBH.

Yes it’s the impact on others. Someone in DD’s block did the cook pizza in plastic thing and ruined a brand new oven and caused a fire alarm - evacuation of block and a fire engine turned up.
Muddling a long is fine but you still need some basic common sense and basics or it impacts others. The rotting food dripping on other’s food was another example.
Maybe some is due to some international students having staff at home or having been at boarding school.

This reminds me of a program about basic training for 16 year olds entering the army which included an officer showing them how to wash in a shower.

The rotting food dripping on other’s food was another example.

@Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers OMG yes. The same student decided he wanted to cook meat so he bought a load of steak and stored it sideways in its packaging on the top shelf. The blood dripped down onto DD's vegetarian food as hers was the shelf underneath.

Maybe some is due to some international students having staff at home or having been at boarding school.

This was the case with this student. I think it must have been quite a culture shock for him to leave a wealthy family, and having everything done for him, to have to fend for himself in a strange (cold) country.

@Chrysanthemumsinpots Do you suppose that some of these new recruits were escaping their dysfunctional backgrounds for a better life?

I recommend storage boxes in the fridge as you can’t do that thing you do at home with different product types placed at different positions. Plus never smell anyone’s milk if you think it might be off.

Some army recruits may be escaping dysfunctional homes but I wouldn’t assume inability to maintain good hygiene was always linked to this. Some teens are just grubby if left alone, or just never explicitly taught how to wash themselves in a shower. Clearly the army has discovered enough lack the basics that they need to teach them. It is the same in other areas of life too - you find you cannot assume any level knowledge or skill so if it is important for someone to know something you have to tell them regardless of how basic it is.

I must admit when DD was about to start uni I took one look at WIWIKAU and backed away fast, way too much involvement from parents. (A bit like the continuing Oxbridge student threads on here - don't shoot me.)

DD went away being able to at least come up with a meal even if it was just pasta with grated cheese and spinach and could change bedding, clean bathroom, wash up, use a microwave but never did any washing or shopping or budgeting but they soon learn.

But she was lucky (maybe because she chose the cheapest self catering accommodation) that 4 out of 5 flatmates were honest and wouldn't dream of nicking anyone else's food, always took a turn at sorting bins, used other people's stuff but washed it up etc. And they were all on tightish budgets so were mindful about nights out together.

Me and DH are quite hands off but I do have a lovely friend who would visit her DS every few weeks and clean his revolting flat kitchen. I told her I thought she was mad and she did agree but said it gave her peace of mind.

You would hope that eventually students in some flats would realise they need to clean the kitchen, but the bar can be incredibly low. The halls managers do sometimes issue fines for filthy kitchens - which isn’t great if you are the only one making an effort.

I'm wondering if not being used to sharing things has an impact on students wanting to go home so quickly. My older 2 boys have grown up with 4 brothers, so they are used sharing bedrooms, queues for the bathroom and lots of noise. They are thriving at university and love living in halls.

I thought the same when I was at uni many moons ago. Those with siblings were used to noisier households, unlike only children who perhaps led quieter lives.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it this week—the students packing it in are still coming through thick and fast on WIWIKAU. I was trying to compare my experience 30 years ago (when hardly anyone quit, and those who did, didn’t do it in week 1). I think it boils down to not being able to lock yourself in your room 30 years ago (no iPhones, no tablets, no laptops). It is SO EASY to lock away in 2026. Even the modern student accommodation contributes to this—maybe 6-8 people in a self-contained flat, where you can grab your food and take it to your bedroom with your phone. The halls DH and I lived in, at two separate universities, which were configured in a whole floor setup, have been torn down and replaced with the smaller flat setup. Odds are that you’re not going to click and become BFFs with the 5 others you’ve been randomly allocated with.

Also, I recall the first week was a strange time and when lectures started and you joined clubs life got better. I think what we called ‘loneliness’, people now call ‘anxiety’. Maybe it is the same thing, but one is an emotion and the other is medicalising it. (Maybe I’m not describing it well.).

I have been on and off WIWIKAU for a few years and agree that I have never seen so many young people give up so easily - many even before lectures have begun.

They aren't even giving it a chance. Also, do you think parents aren't encouraging resilience by not suggesting they give it longer?

@ThatsCute you might be right about students being able to isolate themselves too easily. Although, I think part of it is that there are more young people going to university who are more likely to isolate themselves. Modern technology makes it easier as well with recorded lectures.

Back in the day with the catered model and having to attend lectures students were pretty much forced to meet other students.

I blame schools for making university the default option when there are clearly young people who just shouldn't be going. Plus, universities want more bums on seats. I think a lot more of their budget is used these days in supporting students who need extra support as well.