Shouldn't parents be teaching freshers life skills before university?

[RampantIvy]

I am still on the WIWIKAU Facebook page as DD is a post grad student.

I keep reading posts from parents of freshers students worrying about how their student DC are going to manage cooking, laundry and other life skills.

Isn't it our job to teach them those skills? Why on earth haven't these parents done so?

I admit to challenging one parent in the past about this and got my post deleted 😁

This isn't new tho. I went to Uni in 2000. Omg the lads in the communal laundrette pushing clothes into the machine until it barely closed and you just KNEW water wasn't getting into the middle. And my flat mate who lived in hot dog sausages and dried noodles, who once nearly killed us all when we tried to make him cook dinner!!
So yeah, parents should, but not all of us who learnt it did so purely out of parental guidance and love as opposed to necessity so there are worse things that a bit of mollycoddling

Oh my god I lived with some fucking specimens in first year. Like it was their first day on planet earth. I don’t know how the fuck people release these kids into the world without a clue and inflict them on the poor accommodation staff and unsuspecting flatmates. The amount of times the fire alarms when off because someone burned their chicken nuggets was unreal.

Tbh, that I can sort of sympathise with - I can see the sufferer worrying about strangers knowing about it. (Talking of such things, anyone know how it panned out at the university where 'jazz hands' was to substituted for clapping, to reduce stress? Given the number of people who apparently suffer from coulrophobia, it did seem an odd decision).

Wrt washing machines, ours knew the basics of our one, but having had a look at a few on open days, none seemed to be much like ours, plus there were the dreaded apps to get to grips with, so that one I did reckon was best left to the individual DC to sort out.

The We're <going to <university X> / <We're doing Medicine> thing really bugs me, though. I keep wanting ask how Darling Offspring feels about Mummy firming the same university / course?

Dehumidifiers aren’t overthinking. When ds was a fresher on campus, he had really bad mould in a ground floor corner room with the bed up against the wall (it couldn’t go anywhere else, room too small). I bought a dehumidifier and took it to him. Windows often only open a tiny bit in halls so sometimes dehumidifiers are a really good solution anyway, if you can get them pat tested etc. My dd is going this autumn and she’s eyeing up the dehumidifier that ds no longer needs.

also I think when you’re a fresher goign into halls, there can be all sorts of stuff you need to buy. I’ve had to get dd a new phone and new laptop as both of hers were bought years ago (when covid hit!).

laundry questions are ok - some unis ban pods, some unis have washers that are auto dosed with preloaded detergent.

beds also - different accommodations have different beds, I sent mine with two single duvets. So they could layer when it got freezing or whatever.

perhaps you should not read the content if it pisses you off? It’s pretty standard stuff.

Yes if you can. Gives them basic life skills for adult survival. Otherwise they wouldn't know what to do or look after themselves

In my day, undergrads weren't allowed in the common room, that was for staff and postgrads only. I don't know of any institution that allows eating in libraries.

Oh god the one near us does now. Russell group too. Imagine.

I don't understand the mocking of common fears on this thread.

At my work we take on young people on gap years and every year we have to run basic skills sessions, like how to open tins of food, use the washing machine, how to hang up laundry etc. it’s disheartening, but you can bet your life I now have a list of basic life skills I’m training my teens up with before they fly the nest.

@Gtfc True, but I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't show them some basic skills before they move out.

My dm taught me nothing before I went to uni in 1981. I'd never used a washing machine, cooked a meal, run a budget. And yet I coped. didn't starve or suffer malnutrition.

I worked out the launderette and made the money stretch. It really isn't hard. If someone can read, they can do all of these things. Anyone bright enough to take a degree should have no problem. My ds knows far more than I did. It might take him an hour to make a fry up but he'll get there. It's all part of the experience.

There are plenty of reasons. My dm had 6 dcs, a domestically hopeless husband and a part time job. She didn't have time to teach anyone to cook, and we didn't own a washing machine.

You're looking through very middle class glasses.

@Meadowfinch Of course it's not hard, everyone survives, but equally, we may as well teach them some basic life skills to make going out into the world easier.

You're right that I'm looking through middle class glasses, my Mum worked but she only had me so obviously more time. Dad is still domestically hopeless!

I saw something the other day about a Whatapp group for parents of kids going to a particular university. Whaaaaat ? Are you joking. When I went to university, my parents dropped me off on the Sunday, the person in hall gave me the key to my room, we had a cup of tea and that was it. I had to get on with it. I met my best friend the first night at a first year 'do' that was laid on and that was it. I had the best time for 3 years. And I barely knew how to boil an egg when I got there. University is for learning to do everything and having fun while you're at it. All your kids will be fine !!

Cooking - you can teach, but every hob, oven or microwave is different.

Laundry - it's most likely an app operated system in halls. If it's not same as above as in every washing machine is different.

Being away from home - can make them feel stronger and more free, but can also make them feel a bit lonely or just discombobulated. Most get over that, some parental input/availability over the phone does no harm.

Never be surprised there are things kids don't know. You can't anticipate everything. DS went to a hotel for a night during a gap year trip and didn't realise he needed to put the key card in the slot to make lights come on. We still laugh about it and all did outloud when his first year uni halls lights worked in a similar way.

Conversely - they know stuff we don't and will learn quicker than us oldies

I pity the IT staff having to clean the Greggs crumbs out of the keyboards. The mice, keytops, and books must all be thick with grease.

Could those who have 2nd years moving into houses in residential areas please, for the love of god, tell them how to look up bin collections on their council website, and not to dump their rubbish randomly in the street for the seagulls and foxes to spread absolutely everywhere. This appears to be beyond the abilities of around 50% of them!

I’ve had to leave that Facebook group for my own sanity - so much micro managing and helicopter parenting!!

DS is v autistic and was pretty useless at all domestic tasks and doing things for himself at 18 - a gap year to practice it all (on repeat!) has sorted him out!

I came from a country where we had two maids, (one live in) and I’m embarrassed now at how useless I was because I did/learned absolutely nothing. I managed fine with 1st year in halls and second year in student accommodation, however am teaching my DD how do things just so she’s better prepared for life in general. I think learning how do laundry, cook a simple meal and clean a bathroom is not rocket science and can be learned in a week.

This wasn't meant to be a sneery thread. I just thought it weird that a parent would be worried that their student DC were totally unprepared for living independently, especially as it didn't seem to occur to them that they could have taught them some basic skills and common sense.

I don't understand the defensive replies from posters who think it is OK to send their offspring off to university knowing absolutely nothing about how to eat, wash, budget etc. It isn't a badge of honour to throw your DC into the deep end.

One of DD's flatmates didn't even know that you had to remove pizza from packaging before you put it in the oven. Another came from a wealthy overseas country where they had maids and a cook. He ordered takeaway food all the time.

To be fair I don't really recall actually "teaching" DD a lot of things. She will have seen DH and me operating the washing machine, cooking, cleaning, emptying bins etc. Besides, she loved cooking anyway.

I would just see it as pre- uni nerves as their offspring fledge off to university.

Nothing wrong with that. I was apprehensive, yet excited for DD when she went. I didn't spend all summer crying about it though.

She had a gap year so was more independent than if she had gone straight from school.

Most stuff is on YouTube or you Google, so just keep referring to these if they ask

There will be a lot that's just adjusting to their DC moving on to a new stage in life (and maybe finding themselves at a bit of a loose end with one less person in the house). But you do get quite a few posters on MN who are anxious and over protective and are completely perplexed by the idea that their argument that their kids don't suddenly become skilled adults overnight shows a complete lack of understanding that they have had 18 years to develop them into competent adults (or at least, basic adults - enough that they can work the rest out for themselves).

I can relate to this. 😆