Shouldn't parents be teaching freshers life skills before university?

[RampantIvy]

I am still on the WIWIKAU Facebook page as DD is a post grad student.

I keep reading posts from parents of freshers students worrying about how their student DC are going to manage cooking, laundry and other life skills.

Isn't it our job to teach them those skills? Why on earth haven't these parents done so?

I admit to challenging one parent in the past about this and got my post deleted 😁

DD is now in year 2 and her boyfriend is in a different Uni at my old Halls (which don’t appear to have altered significantly in the intervening few decades). She/he flitted between the two for the odd weekend so I have quizzed them on multiple occasions about what is good/bad.

Unless you are a fussy eater, “old style” catered just seems so much easier when it comes to making friends and getting to grips with living away from home.

You don’t get the drama of dirty kitchens /people hogging the space and it isn’t a disaster if you don’t get on with your immediate neighbours. I’m still in touch with a dozen or so of my former hall-mates (many of us went on to various house-shares).

I asked my new 1st year personal supervision group what their worries were about starting university last week. No one said cooking! It’s pretty low on the list.

I imagine it is.

DD really didn't want catered as she is vegetarian and didn't want to have the same old unimaginative food on repeat. She loves cooking and is a creative and imaginative cook. She isn't picky, but prefers a much wider range of foods than she might get at an old style catered halls.

Cooking for her is therapeutic and more of a hobby than just basic refuelling. Luckily, she was lucky with her halls flatmates and ended up sharing with some of them in subsequent years.

However, on the whole, I'm inclined to agree that catered where all the students are thrown together seems to be a good option for many students.

I do wonder what the reality of catered is like, though. I would imagine it’s fairly easy to sit with your phone, which can be perceived as “Do Not Talk to Me.” And it means you don’t have to seek out companionship in a group area. Possibly more social to be in catered, but not perfect.

I taught at a secondary school and I taught my 6th form tutor group to cook an omelette, home made vegetable soup and spag bol. Some of them didn't know how to cut up vegetables. I told them if you can cook those 3 meals you won't starve and youight make friends with sharing your homemade soup.

My kids have been learning life skills since around 5 helping with cleaning, 7 was dishwasher, dishes & table setting/clearing. 12 they started cooking one meal a week they they have to decide on & make a list for me of ingredients needing after checking our current stock. 12 they also started to do one load of laundry a week. By 15 our son was doing all of his laundry, our daughter doesn’t have time but launders her gymnastics & sports wear. They both hated ironing & didn’t stick with it so I do it but they may have to wait a month for an item as I only do it once a month & they’re welcome to do it themselves if they want it sooner!

Emotions was the one for us:
At uni my son was fine for his cooking etc but he’s very shy & he tried to mix but it felt uncomfortable to him & then covid (his 2nd year) he didn’t see another soul bar shop keepers for 3 months and that made him ill. I’d tried to prepare him & he was excited to try my sensitive shy kid widening social skills ideas but just couldn’t get into it.

I’ve no worries on my daughter as she’s highly social & makes friends easily. Budgeting is going to be her hard thing but she’s came on a lot over the last year with finance planning & budgeting so I’ve hope for her yet.

When I started uni (25 years ago) quite a few students dropped out when they discovered that there was a lot of work involved, not just going out and having fun. I was quite fortunate in that my course was continuous assessment with no exams so we didn't have a relaxed start and then a shock like some students did.

By 15 our son was doing all of his laundry

In our house washing gets split into darks, lights, whites, jumpers, towels, bedding, delicates, etc so one person doing their own would be inefficient. Better to help with family loads.

Us too but still kids were taught to do it, whites, towels & bedding did get put in the family basket as not as much of they from one person to warrant a machine wash.

Same as in our house. It is a more efficient use of resources.

I have just been reading the thread about how so many students just don't clean up after themselves and leave communal areas in a disgusting state, so I would add to my list - "be considerate of other people in a shared kitchen and do your washing up and empty the bins"

DD ended up cleaning the kitchen one Christmas as she was the last to go home and she knew that there was going to be a flat inspection.

Luckily, not everyone she shared with liked the pig sty lifestyle and she ended up sharing with the tidier ones.

Oh yes, I'd definitely agree with that, although it sometimes sounds as if so many new students are slobs that they probably suit each other.

DD has moved into a house with 3 of her year 1 housemates and they were all pretty clean so have come up with a housework rota. Another housemate moved in with his girlfriend and loads of her flatmates and is hating it because none of them clean up after themselves. He wishes he'd moved in with DD and the others.

Messy flatmates have always been an issue. People come from families with different standards, and some people are lazier than others, learning to be considerate of others with different experiences is one of the things that make you grow up as a student.

Very true, but if you read the thread about the messy flatmates, this is another level of messiness - an utter health hazard in fact.