Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

I'm already lying to my doctor...

277 replies

Illyria · 22/02/2007 17:46

Tried under "is this normal" but only one person replied, so I'll try again. With a lot more detail. (Sorry long)

Have been a depressive for 15 years. Self-harmer with suicidal thoughts (never tried it though). I spend at least 3 months of every year very, very down. This is sometimes followed by a period of euphoria, where I'm very happy, full of energy and ignore any problems easily.
This week I went to the doctor for the first time. I hate seeking help but have been down for about a year and a half now and it's too much.
3 years ago I got so down that I started seeing things that weren't there. I knew they were hallucinations so reassured myself that I couldn't be that nuts. Then when I finally felt better I got so up that I left my husband - wasn't in love anymore, but to be honest, don't think I was really feeling anything but the 'happy'. 6 months later I levelled out, realised I did love him and managed to repair our marriage (after a hell of a lot of work).
So now I've finally got up the courage to go to a doctor and I've already lied. Said I don't self harm, and generally put it out that I'm not as bad as I am.
Since I went to the doctor - not on ADs yet - I fell oddly 'up'. Keep getting moments of manic happy excitedness followed by more lack of energy and tears. This is how it started last time. I'm not crazy, but sometimes I really feel like a mentalist.
My husband's completely fed up and terrified I'll leave him again - he's shut off completely now. To make things worse we've just moved to a new area where I don't know anyone, I never go out. I feel like my head is going to explode. It's gotten to the point where I really am welcoming the mania. Bugger.
That's it really, just absolutely needed to tell someone everything - even if it is a bloody computer

OP posts:
Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 14:58

Cinnamontam - I have been snooping at your profile (terrible etiquette I'm sure), you'll be telling me you like my Noel Fielding next! And Enid Blyton?! Really?! Bit worried I'm not the mad one

OP posts:
Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 14:58

(Oh and Blade Trinity isn't as good as Blade!)

OP posts:
swoosh · 01/03/2007 15:21

Deep breaths Illyria, it'll be ok! Am sure GP won't be at all shocked - I bet they're heard it all before - as you can see from this (and other threads) you are not alone - I assume you've seen other threads where people have admitted all sorts... I can link to them later if you are interested.

You can always thing of me admitting to my Gary Barlow fantasies on here. I'm sure it'll make you giggle. Thank goodness I namechanged for this - I'd never live it down!

You prompted me to snoop at Cinnamontam's profile and I am pleased to be in the company of a fellow Jilly Cooper fan! And there's nothing wrong with Enid Blyton. Is there?

Take Care, x

swoosh · 01/03/2007 15:23

And what lovely pictures, cinnamontam.

cinnamontam · 01/03/2007 15:25

I have had a drink with Noel Fielding

And he is completely looney and wonderful

Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:25

Wasn't giving away my nerves with the multiple postings, was I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:26

And cinnamontam - I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! No way! Oh am so

Going to sulk now as I never meet anyone fun

OP posts:
cinnamontam · 01/03/2007 15:31

Fanks ladies. And Swoosh - you would love Spike too if you knew him like I did.

4 days is really good. Well done

Iliyria - Blade was a fantastic film. I still rememeber sitting in the cinema watching that opening scene with the bloodbath HOWEVER (I'm going to sound like a hormone driven teenager) Blade Trinity has Ryan Reynolds in it and he just does things for me and is so damn funny. I love the humour in it

cinnamontam · 01/03/2007 15:33

I used to work ticketing at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and met him there managing his show. Next time I'm moving in that circle of friends you are coming with me and we are drinking with him together. It's the least i can do

mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:35

i think you are al very brave people andim glad it has helped all of you by bein able to talk i myself am not "weird" but my sis has bi polar so i understand a lot of where you are all coming from.good luck to you all.

Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:35

Ah, but, Blade Trinity has some very iffy digital animation in it which detracts from the overall coolness of the film. Blade is simple smooth from the opening bloodbath to the final scene in Russia (ok, I have them all on DVD and have watched them way too often).

Anyway! Oh no, just looked at the time. Just need to be kept distracted for another half an hour!

Pitch Black is even better though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:37

Thanks Mummylin, you have been such a huge support through all this. You are definitely an honourary weirdo ( if you know what I mean). You've been such a help. x

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:37

ha ha ha my friends and family think im weird though so i can join your club !!!

mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:38

best of luck i am clock watching for you now.Be brave ,honest and resolute,talk to you later xxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:38

Hurray

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:42

how far have you got to go to doc

Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:43

Not far, just up the road, so don't need to leave til about 4.15. Mind is going a mile a minute. IT's too late to cancel now isn't it?

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:46

just keep taking those deep breaths and tell yourself ,i am going to get help. You can do this we are rooting for you.Think of it as start of something wonderful and new for you,but be prepared for it to take time,you can do it.

cinnamontam · 01/03/2007 15:47

Yup - they will charge you £1000 for cancelling that close to appointment

How about Underworld? I really enjoyed that?

mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:48

Yes it is too late to cancel now and why would you want to ? I can imagine all the feelings and thoughts you are having but please go for it ,you deserve to live a happier life and you need to do this before it can begin

Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:48

Thanks, I had better sign off now and make myself presentable. Am such a wuss. Ok, here goes, bye guys!

OP posts:
Original poster
Illyria · 01/03/2007 15:49

(Oh and underworld was good too! )

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 01/03/2007 15:49

see you later x

cinnamontam · 01/03/2007 15:50

You will be fine. You can do this. This is the start of something new and that is a very good thing

xxxx

swoosh · 01/03/2007 18:41

Well???

Hope all is ok...