Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

999 replies

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 18:23

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

OP posts:
leelteloo · 06/02/2013 02:23

Fluffy PLEASE please please talk to someone there about how unsafe you feel to come off constants. You could let them read this thread if you can't find the words. Everything looks this way because you are not well but things can get better. Thinking of you.

Pancakeflipper · 06/02/2013 06:35

Hello Fluffy

I hope you have slept well. Will you speak to the staff and let them know once of obs you will be trying to kill yourself?

As Sunny says, you don't have to and can stay with your lovely DH.

Take care today.

springpotatoe · 06/02/2013 08:23

I can understand how you feel you need to kill yourself, because i had the same with cutting. The only way I could get out of that vicious circle was not to cut. The need faded away with time. How often are your obs then? Could you try to be safe the time and if not possible to go to a nurse?

SnowyMouse · 06/02/2013 08:36

Please tell the staff what's going on for you, fluffy. Thinking of you lots

Sunnywithshowers · 06/02/2013 12:00

Hello fluffy am thinking of you today. Please talk to the people around you - they're there to help. xxx

TheSilveryPussycat · 06/02/2013 15:12

fluffy would it help to talk to the chaplain? If so, please ask for a visit from him/her.

springpotatoe · 06/02/2013 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sj2008 · 06/02/2013 18:07

Hey fluffy. How has today been? Thinking of you. X

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 06/02/2013 21:27

Hi, not had a brilliant day, feel very down. Still on constants, might change tomorrow. Feel very fed up and tired. The staff know of my plans.

OP posts:
frustratedworkingmum · 06/02/2013 21:42

Gosh fluffy, your DH must really love you - you have been here so many times lovely girl :( For someone to love you so much, you are WORTH LOVING - You wont remember me but I have been on your thread many times. I knew this was you when i saw the title. I have been away from mnet for sometime but i often think about you and wonder how you are getting on. So i was glad to see your thread, if that makes sense - but of course not glad you are poorly again.

No advice, just best thoughts x

Sunnywithshowers · 06/02/2013 22:06

Hi Fluffy I'm sorry you're feeling so fed up, it's great that the staff are made aware of your plans. Big hugs xxx

vacuuming · 06/02/2013 22:22

Hi Fluffy, sorry to hear you aren't having such a great day. I was really hoping I'd come on here tonight and see a post from you, I'm so delighted that you did post. It's probably for the best that you are still on constants, at least for now. I hope things change for the better for you. Smile

TheSilveryPussycat · 07/02/2013 14:05

just popping in to say hello...

springpotatoe · 07/02/2013 14:13

ooooo! I have not withdrawn any messages. What is this now?

SnowyMouse · 07/02/2013 14:17

Hi fluffy, thinking of you lots.

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2013 14:20

Hello Fluffy, just popping in with TheSilveryPCat to see how you are today.

When do you see your CPN next? And seen any of the consultants or is it just you and the nurses on your constant obs?

Hope you are feeling brighter today.
Freezing here. Stuck the heating on ( then instantly drapped wet laundry over the radiators...).

JuliaScurr · 07/02/2013 14:39

Hey Fluffy

For you Thanks and Brew

all the best
this will pass and you will feel better
everything will be OK eventually

springpotatoe · 07/02/2013 15:04

At least two messages withdrawn! What is this, what is this? My nickname is on its last leg! poor thing :( therapy therapy and ad's quickly!

leelteloo · 07/02/2013 16:20

Hi fluffy, how is your day going?

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 07/02/2013 20:18

Thank you for your kind words :) Very much appreciated.

Still not having a great time of it, tried a few times to kill myself on constants last night. Still on constants. Have horrid bruise on neck. Blahhh.

springpotatoe - I think your post was deleted because of your choice of words

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 07/02/2013 20:29

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time Fluffy Keep at it, you can do it Smile

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2013 22:28

Oh Fluffy, you really are not having a great time are you? Are you managing to get any decent sleep?

I am thinking of you and hoping you turn a little corner soon back onto the road of recovery. This must be so draining for you.

vacuuming · 07/02/2013 22:59

Hi Fluffy, sorry to hear today wasn't so good. How is your DH getting on, had he been to see you since you trashed him at scramble? Smile

LoganMummy · 07/02/2013 23:10

Hi Fluffy.
I just came across your thread and have been reading it.
My DH has MH issues - not relevant really but I wanted to say I will be praying for you along with my prayers for DH.

kizzie · 08/02/2013 14:44

Hi Fluffy
Just another one thinking of you and wishing all the very best for you.