What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

Your daughter wants it though. And it's her birthday. She wants presents to open. Most decent toys have plastic - the wooden ones in pastel colours are never exciting, fun, or the ones they really want to use.

I’ve got 5 kids, so A LOT of parties. We’ve had parties where books were requested. Something like ‘if you’d like to bring X a gift, she/ he would absolutely love a book!’, or no gifts (which seems to be code for craft kits). I guess you could ask for craft kits. I’m surprised you’ve been to parties where people asked for money!!

Could you write something along the lines of " if you would like to bring a gift, DD would appreciate any art, colouring and craft themed gifts"

I think this may help give people ideas of what to buy without sounding rude.

No one is saying that. They’re saying it’s pretentious and rude to dictate gifts. Just ask for no gifts or ask for a voucher.

If it's culturally acceptable in your social circle to put restrictions on gifts then just use the wording others have used in their invites. 🤷‍♀️

OP I wonder if you could ask for something like arts and crafts supplies? It would suit all budgets and I don’t think anyone would be offended by it.

Something like ‘If you’d like to bring a little something x would love some arts and crafts supplies’

I don’t think you can write ‘no plastic toys’

For age 5 I think most gifts will be crafts/activities. You really can't say no plastic toys. You'll set yourself aside as the weird parent. If you don't want it, donate to charity. Let your child be the normal child.

you can’t say this to her classmates! Close friends and family maybe… at a push

I feel like the last 3 years of my life have been one child’s birthday party after another, and I’ve never experienced a specific request for a type of present with the invitation, though it’s fairly normal for the parents of invited children to message and say is there anything they’d particularly like. When I’ve been asked this for DD I tend to steer towards books/ craft stuff. I also had a job previously that means I had a houseful of children’s books long before DD came long, but there’s always new and different ones and if she ends up with a duplicate she’s fine with it, that’s just life and we regift or donate.

I feel like most parents go towards the smaller lego kits, craft/ art stuff or board games, all of which we’re grateful for, and is what I tend to get for others. It’s been unusual when DD has received anything I’d class as actual tat, though the things that have been have tended to be her favourite in the moment even if they didn’t particularly go the distance.

Is no gifts code for craft kits?? I’d take that at its word and not take a gift!

We’ve had one party where the parent set up a WhatsApp group to for the invites, and then asked for money rather than presents. And then after the party she told us all how much money had been given. It was certainly an interesting way of doing things..

A huge part of the party, for the children is the giving and receiving of a gift. I hear you re all the plastic and unused stuff - just the downside of a party. I used to hide some items away to give to toy collections etc as they always forgot or focussed on the few things they loved.

This is perfectly put

Lego is one of those toys that even though you have some there is always more to receive!

Because I wasn’t expecting the whole “how dare you dictate what people buy” reaction. That wasn’t even my point.

There are millions of threads on here from parents saying they hate the plastic tat that comes in party bags and are sick of bringing home loads of useless plastic junk that ends up in the bin.

And the whole point of this post was supposed to be sharing people’s experiences, ideas and brainstorming around a similar request — not “how dare you even ask?” If you don’t have anything useful to suggest, that’s absolutely fine, but I don’t understand why asking for ideas suddenly turns into an argument about whether I’m allowed to have an opinion on what people might actually appreciate.

If I received an invite stating no plastic toys I would buy a book. But you don’t want those either so you’ll need to state no plastic toys or books.

I don’t think your child’s birthday party is the time to be so prescriptive. Maybe you can concentrate on what you and your family buy for presents but let her little friends and classmates choose something they think she would like. As a previous poster said, it’s usually entirely random and that’s half the excitement.

You sound so difficult. Just accept gratefully and donate what you don’t want. It’s the opening that’s exciting.

If you’ve already been to parties where money or books or garden-related gifts have been asked for, why don’t you just do that?

It is tricky my dc are older and £10 in a card is considered a top gift. When they were five though they loved choosing gifts for friends. I think unless you want to decline all gifts then you just have to graciously accept gifts. I used to find creating a WhatsApp group for invitees and someone would ask and then you can ask for craft stuff/ consumables rather than big plastic.

Just regift it or send it to a charity shop. It's really not that big a deal. There's no point saying no gift most people (western or otherwise) would not want to come to a child's birthday party empty handed. Also very few people (in the UK anyway) will state on a party invite what type of gift is preferred so that's why us commentators find it unusual.

I hated plastic tat too but it is what it is when it comes to birthday parties at this age. To be fair you do sound quite obnoxious and insufferable in your OP (and subsequent responses) so that's probably why you are getting a hard time.

There are very few ways to say you don’t want plastic toys, without it coming across as implying you think all plastic is tat and you only want posh gifts.

The most likely way to get a positive outcome from your anti plastic sentiment, and feed the materialistic need to have lots of gifts to open, is to aim it towards something specific.

Money towards a larger purchase would be one, except you’ve ruled that out by saying you want stuff to open.

Gardening, craft, baking would all be options. For attendees where the adults are friends of yours you can discuss it individually but for a general kids at school type invite either you gracefully accept gifts chosen for her by he friends, give them a nudge in direction of something specific as an area of interest (not plastic isn't AJ area of interest), or say no gifts.

At some point at parents we all act time twats without realising it, this is your moment (anyone who claims they haven’t been there is lying)

you don’t know people’s circumstances, there will be someone with a present drawer and they get something the see as appropriate that they got a while ago for a real bargain.

there will be a mum somewhere who compromises her own food to be able to put £5 in a card so her daughter can attend.

there will be someone else who will drive themselves mad with the wording of the invite and become really anxious over it.

if you want a big party for your child, invite people and quietly donate anything she doesn’t want, or say no presents.

if it really upsets ypu, invite a handful of children who’s parents you know well enough to be direct with.

you’re not going to get the exact outcome you want here.

There’s only 1 or 2 who turn up to no gifts parties without a gift! No child will want to turn up to a party without a gift for their friend, and parents just assume they’re either overrun with toys or no space so get craft kits as they get used up. No gifts is definitely a code! Whether the parent meant it or not, who knows!! Best to play it safe.
Absolutely crazy that happened with the money!!

I also think part of the problem is the size of the party. Having more people who don’t know your DC and your family very well is a much bigger generator of plastics tat than a smaller party with closer friends who are more familiar with your families values overall.

Unfortunately I think some tat goes with the territory of a larger party.

If you’re going to do this I would phrase it as what she does want rather than what she (or rather, you) don’t want. Think about what she would like and meets your desire for a low-plastic house.

Eg ‘If you would like to bring DD a small gift she would particularly like wooden toys, craft items, something to plant or a book token.’

One party I went to the mum sent round a message and a link to a gift registry type thing "A few people have asked what so and so is into, here is an example of things she loves, but she will appreciate and love any gift she gets" maybe worded differently
I did think 🤔mm cheeky 🙄 but it was probs helpful for some other parents n family as they bought off the list