What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

Wooden toys are usually more expensive. Just saying.

Whoever said, a pound in a card so the child can go to the toy shop and choose, is IMO a good idea - except that it goes against the grain with many people, ever to ask for money.

I think this would be perfect. You could add in "or a packet of seeds for the garden" given that she enjoys gardening too, and most people would read into this that you don't want or need anything plastic / large. I agree that "no plastic toys" does sound rather judgmental, even though I would personally be sympathetic: it implies that other people have cheaper and nastier taste than you, which is never well received - even if you think it is accurate...

And which county is the party being held…?

Take inspo from here:

https://nocrapparties.org/

We have been to parties that have included this logo on their website and then some guidance about either no gifts at all or second-hand gifts welcome.

I find it bizarre they've chosen to include 'crap' in their name though as its not very children's party invitation friendly!

Well isn’t it great you’ve asked the question and now you know! Having lived in a few countries, I also want to know how some of my requests (or things that would be common from my home country), would go down in the country I was living in.

If I were you, I would request no toys and just buy her a few things you’d think she’d like to unwrap. If you put things like ‘outdoor toys’, people might buy a plastic rake and spade as they might think it safer for a young child over a metal one. This way you can get exactly what you want and not offend anyone.

I actually think the donation is a nice idea, as long as you get and wrap the gift ahead of time so she can open it at the party. And then make a big deal about saying this is from all your friends! And thank the parents etc

There's a lot of "I" in there. What does your daughter want?

"[Birthday girl] really loves gardening and would love a packet of seeds/a succulent to plant so that she can look back on her special day with fond memories"

✅keeps the gifts affordable
✅avoids coming across as rude and grabby
✅won't make Greta Thunberg cry

If you’ve received invitations before specifying gifts and wasn’t offended, just borrow the wording from one of them.

Yes, this works.

It’s really helpful to give ideas. It’s really annoying to be just told things that are on the banned list.

You asked if people would find it annoying or inconvenient- yes plenty would if you say what you don’t want, but many would be happy if you suggest the sorts of things you do want.
Some would grumble either way and plenty wouldn’t notice and give you something they’ve got stashed anyway. But that’s probably the best you can do here.

OP

I think the only way to do this is to link to DD's main present so something like, "DD is getting a barbie as her gift from us so if you are kind enough to get her a gift barbie sized clothes would be particularly appreciated".

Or "we are planing a veg patch for DD to grow her own veg ... seeds would be particularly appreciated".

Or go completely 'tree hugger / yoghurt weaver' and say DD wantd a patchwork quilt so you would appretiate cloth / old clothes etc.

How about asking for something like items for a craft box or something similar? Doesn’t sound like you’re criticising and means people don’t have to spend much if they don’t wish too or can’t afford to

Many of us who don't buy tat or from temu will still think something like this on an invitation is rude

I would avoid buying plastic toys for a child's birthday, but you're right, I'd be quite irritated if somebody wrote that note assuming that I might.

Any gifts my children got, that we didn't need, I donated to a local charity to distribute as Xmas gifts for children who were unlikely to get any.

Absolutely say 'no gifts'. It sounds as though you DD has plenty as it is. I went to a child's party recently (my children are adults now but I was helping set up/supervise etc) and they had a little box for donations to a local charity, which I thought was lovely.

It's rude, whichever way you cut it. Nobody else's parent has time to indulge your complex preferences. I don't much like plastic crap either but when you're also anxious about your DC getting <gasp> a duplicate book, you're just being demanding on a scale no one will appreciate. If you're so sure your circle of mum-friends will be OK with it, then crack right on, but everyone here is telling you it's rude.

Are your objections to plastic environmental? If so, how do you rationalise the fact that you've had children at all?

I read for a living too btw, and it gladdened my heart when other children chose books as presents, either to give or receive. We did end up with some duplicates, sure, but have you never heard the phrase "it's the thought that counts"? I'm sure with your bookish credentials you can find a bookswap for your kids to go and enjoy anyway.

It is easier for parents to to Smyths or whereever that troll vinted for second hand stuff that might not be great so they might need to send back or bin because it is broken or not suitable , it is a big ask.

Either say no gifts please or Dd is saving for <thing > if they want to give a fiver in her card. Or bring a book, anything other than we would like secondhand wooden gifts thanks.

So the gift giving culture in your country is different then. That's ok.

If you are only inviting people from your own culture to the party, then crack on and ask for whatever you like. You don't need advice from MN, and we can only take your word for it that nobody will be offended by it.

If you're mainly inviting British people, then be aware that a demand for specific types of present will typically come across as rude and entitled, even amongst parents who might not be inclined to give plastic tat in any case. It simply isn't good manners in this country to make such demands.

First answer nails it.

I would think of a type of toy / gift you do want and lead with that. Totally get where you're coming from in regards to the cheap plastic tat but 'If you'd like to bring a gift, 'Kid's name' would really appreciate arts supplies / colouring books / things to play with in the garden.' feels much more reasonable than 'No plastic toys please'

Also, what is the likely budget of the guests? Is it her friends who's parents will only want two spend £5 or family members who would spend more like £20? If its the first group I think it's very unlikely they can spend a lot of time and thought on the present so won't want to buy off vinted or make a special trip to get something specific, so you may have to accept its no presents vs likely plastic crap tbh.

In my country, people would be like, “Okay, I get it : I’ll get something without plastic.” No drama, no offence taken

Well it must now be clear that it's not the same here. Almost everyone here would find it irritating at best. So now you know.

I’ve been to birthday parties where the invitation specifically asked for things like money, books, or gardening-related gifts. It’s weird how so many of these Mumsnet commenters seem to have never encountered anything like this.

Okay if you’ve been to other birthday parties with specific gift requests, can you not just copy their wording? If that’s what you’re concerned about?

I've been to a party with a toy swap. The guest brings along a toy/book they no longer play with and the child gives a toy/book back to the guest in exchange. It may or may not work depending on your social circle.

You came here asking for suggestions on how to phrase it which indicates that you already somewhat understood that it was a potentially awkward thing to ask.

Others are right. You ask for no gifts or you gracefully accept what people choose to buy. You can't ask people to buy your child wooden toys only, it makes you sound entitled and precious. Maybe it's a cultural difference, but that's the way it is imv. Many people might ask for guidance in which case you can share your preferences.

If it's a simple ask, I'm not sure why you asked here at all to be honest. People are giving opinions on the question that you asked. 🤷

How about an asking for a donation to sponsor an animal , could be from a rescue , zoo, endangered species or that sort of thing . It would give your daughter pleasure she’s helping towards an animals upkeep. Find one with a yearly donation and then if you don’t want pressies , you could ask every year for a donation on her birthday say it’s something she likes to do . I have no idea if this is a ‘thing’ but it’s an idea that popped into my head .