What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

Ah, so now we get to the crux of it. Its plastic tat. Why are wooden toys acceptable and would be played with but plastic ones aren't? Or is it juat you being a snob?

Tacky af to request certain presents, and beyond rude to stipulate what you don't want.

Absolutely not. Take what she gets, be thankful, be gracious. Giving a gift should not turn into a horrible chore for the gift giver and you being precious and spoiling her birthday is not about her at all, it's about you hoping to virtue signal to Jasper's mummy that you're the best boho parent of them all.

Here in the UK, that would come across as dictating and might annoy people. However.... If you have made a WhatsApp group there'll usually be someone who asks if there's anything she would like and that's your chance to put it down. And you can even lie a little and say " a couple of people have asked me.... " Even if they haven't, pmsl.

Yes, I know, us Brits have weird etiquette 🤣🤣

With one of my eldest daughters friends they asked for money as he was saving up to buy a herd or highland cattle. With my daughter I mentioned her wanting to go skiing at the snow centre so they all joined together so she could have quite a few lessons that she loved. Unfortunately her sister wanted the same but no one did for hers and she got the usual plastic tat.

I’ve had very good success with asking people to just give something their child has grown out of / no longer plays with. Essentially nothing new. Yes could be plastic but at least it’s a second life. People love this (I think) and a couple people have started doing the same on their invitations.

But it's not her birthday, it's her daughter's birthday and she has stated that her daughter loves opening presents.

Let her open the gifts and as others have said, donate the ones you don't want.

Save the 'no gifts/no plastic please' for your birthday, let her be 5.

How I would handle this if I were you;

Send out invites, either via a Whatsapp group or add all parents to a Whatsapp group when RSVPed. Very normal around here, and easy way to do a reminder of info etc.

Then get a friend within the Whatsapp group to ask about present ideas for DD.

Then in this Whatsapp group you can say something about avoiding plastic, and DD loves XYZ.

I would not put anything on the invite.

Please don’t feel you need to bring a present, but if you would like to, [name] would absolutely love craft supplies, colouring things, puzzles or pre-loved toys. We’re trying to cut down on new plastic toys at home, so second-hand is very welcome too.

The truly sustainable thing to do would not be having a party in the first place. And no, I don't think it's a wind up, this sort of attitude is very common in ethical/green parenting. One family I knew used to invite everyone to their child's birthday in the local woods and call it a 'bring and share' party. So as the invitee not only did you have to bring a suitable present (this was stipulated in the invite) but you also had to bring food with you too. Oh, and also it was the birthday child's siblings half-birthday so we were given a heads up that they needed a present too. This sort of sanctimonious CFery was very common.

I do wonder though, would the birthday child actually love craft/baking supplies or a second hand puzzle, or is this the OP's preference?

Truly sustainable...don't have kids!

I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

If you actually throw away toys?

YABU-Your DD is 5. The joy of opening presents at that age is peak. Soak in her joy. In a few years she will be a stroppy pre teen. Enjoy these years- they really do go by too quick.

If she doesn't play with the toys then just give them away after a while. A child less fortunate will love them and their parent will appreciate your generosity.

You can’t dictate on the invitation what people give your child. If you want her to be able to open things, you need to let people buy in their price range. Wooden gifts are often prohibitively expensive. However, if you have a good relationship with some of the parents, you can do it in person with them. My daughter’s friend’s mum found me at pick up and said “Mate, I have a small house and two kids. There’s plastic tat everywhere. If you want to get her a present, do you mind if it’s consumable?” I got her some craft supplies that when they’re done, they’re done.

Around where I am, it's often the 'living sustainably no plastic types' that have 3 plus kids!

Are you trying to be funny?
If you have ever seen inside a women’s refuge, you will know there are lots of children who have nothing. Don’t communicate with me anymore. You’re just trying to be obtuse.

I think that unfortunately the tone of your posts comes across as rather superior with the way you describe your lifestyle and the reasoning behind not wanting more plastic toys. This has clearly irritated some other posters.
My own experience is that parents would often ask me (verbally) what sort of gifts my children might like - and this is your opportunity to request books/games/ craft/ whatever you feel you can tolerate (!).
I think it would come across as rude to put anything about gifts on the invite unless you are happy to forego ALL gifts ( as in ‘ no gifts please’) or are suggesting a charity donation in lieu of gifts (which is unusual for children , but not unheard of). You have said your DD likes to open gifts- and so I am afraid you will have to take what comes. Surely people who know you/her well will not be buying ‘plastic tut’ anyway???

The aging population is not very sustainable if there are no kids!

You've come onto a Western platform and had your arse handed to you.

If you're not situated in a Western culture (which you failed to mention in your OP) and you don't agree with what you've been told (over and over) then that's fine, maybe solicit advice from fellow parents in whatever country you're actually in - or copy wording on invitations that you've seen from your own culture.

Make a gift registry for people to choose from or make actual suggestions as to what you DO want in your house for your child:

"If you'd like to bring DD a gift, she would love x,y,z" and if people still bring plastic tat then shrug your shoulders and donate it.

It's really really not such a big deal (that needs pages and pages of discussion)

The pages of discussion are because providing presents to birthday kids in line with norms and expectations is a significant pressure on a lot of families. OP request and attitude about what to put on the invite is likely to increase that pressure on parents so people are trying to warn against it.

Zippedydoobaah the family in the woods offering a BYO food party doesn’t shock me. They might be skint and not have money for party food, we don’t know. Kids getting together and playing games is enough. I hope they provided some kind of cake and candles though for the birthday kid’s sake as that is a ritual most young kids would really want to have.
But party family requesting a ‘half birthday gift’ for a sibling too is ridiculous and changes the whole picture. Half birthdays are not a thing. Ever. And if they can’t manage their sibling dynamics around birthdays themselves that’s nobody else’s problem. I’d be wary of that family after that..

@Nocommentisacomment my kids are older and a lot of their peak party season (5/6/7) was during covid, so i didn't restrict as they missed out, but i would say, if you really don't want plastic tat or whatever instead of saying it directly say something like

"Child's current interests are: gardening, board games, baking and art"

This way you are already giving ideas but not in a demanding way.

Buy one biggish present yourself and ask for a small contribution towards it.
Problem solved.

You can really only say no presents if you want to be safe regarding other people's views. Could you have a clean out of the toys dd already has and donate them. Of course people closer to you may ask then you could give ideas.
I think asking for money to donate to a bigger present could work for family and very close friends only.

incredibly rude! you. speak to your DD, and arrange to have.money donated to a worthy cause involving children who have nothing, and put on the invites "as DD has a huge amount of toys,we wouldn't be greatful for money which will be donated to..........Am pretty sure your DD will have plenty of gifts to open from you. Hopefully she will grow up learning not to make expectations or look a gift horse in the mouth.

You could put something like “don’t feel obliged to bring a gift but craft supplies would be welcomed” or just accept what you are given and either regift them or send them to a charity. There are usually loads of places you can offload new toys especially at Christmas time.

Then you get what you are given and treat it accordingly. Donate what she won’t play with. As you have said, she does have SOME plastic already, so sort through it. If parents ask for ideas, then you can give direction.