What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

I think the other issue with this entire thread is that given the CoL crisis in this country it's absolutely tone deaf to be bemoaning that your child has too many toys and wondering how you can control what you receive from other parents whilst objecting to the idea of saying nothing please.

I get that we all laugh at first world problems but seriously ... This is really embarrassing. It's not a problem.

I think it's difficult but as long as you are considerate and thoughtful in your request then people's harsh reaction to it is their responsibility. I would say something like We are very grateful to everyone making the effort to attend DDs party, this excitement is treat enough for her and gifts are truly not necessary. We respect some people may still like to bring something in which case a small sustainable/consumable gift would be warmly appreciated as we are trying our best to support the planet.

Obviously, you should write, "As we care about the future of the planet, we will reject any gifts made of plastic. All plastic toys must be provided by me, not by people like you who have no notion of sustainability. Please be mindful of your behaviour and buy my child only something made of wood or paper. Otherwise, she will weep. And the angels will weep with her."

Or you could do as many PPs have suggested (and truly the only reasonable option): either include a request for no gifts or be gracious and accept the kindness of your guests.

Don’t mention anything on the invite, just let people bring what they want

“She would be over the moon if someone got her a plum tree — she absolutely loves plums!”

Really? She’s 5 and she’d love a plum tree as a gift? 🙄 I think that’s a gardening gift for you op. Plum trees take years to establish and fruit well.

Strange. Parents have pretentious snob values on one hand, but not eco conscious enough to want her to miss out on grabby haul of gifts even though she seems to already have everything.

“No gifts” is the only right answer here. Your 5 year old will enjoy her little party and will survive. (And learn to appreciate fun over ‘getting stuff’).

Something you should reflect on too op.

We respect some people may still like to bring something in which case a small sustainable/consumable gift would be warmly appreciated as we are trying our best to support the planet.

If someone did that to me/my child I'd be very tempted to challenge them on their planet-supporting activities when they made an unnecessary car journey, or talked about their latest holiday abroad.
Why is it so popular to suddenly become so eco-aware when it comes to presents for our children?

You can't tell them "no presents please". Every kid likes receiving presents at their birthday party... don't they?
Seems a bit mean to not allow presents.. that's part of a birthday party!

You have asked for advice and people have given you the advice to not do it as you will come across as a snobby twat. It’s up to you whether to take that advice or not but there’s no need to be so argumentative with people.

I'm always bemused by the arrogance of thinking your own, very narrow, experience is the decider on what's normal and reasonable. So very parochial.

But why should they have to? We are all busy and five year olds will go to a dozen parties over the year. You either want gifts or no gifts. No one cares about your kids party as much as you do, and everyone is time poor. If I had to brainstorm a suitable present I’d be really annoyed. I’ve got enough on my plate.

No gifts, simple. You cant dictate gifts.

Saying "no plastic toys" isn't direction though, it's a command. It's much easier and usually cheaper to buy plastic based toys than wooden ones. OP also doesn't want books.
When my eldest was young I joined a eco/green parenting forum and the rage about presents was quite hilarious. All presents had to be wooden and in many cases specific brands of wooden toys that were very expensive. For some reason these were the only acceptable type of toy and anything else would corrupt their young minds. I distinctly remember a thread where a 5 year old got a bike from its grandparents for his birthday. The OP was in floods of tears as the bike wasn't wooden and it had some sort of battery operated thing on it that made noises when you pressed it, like a police car siren, fire engine etc. The child loved it and this really upset the OP, who then locked it in the shed so the child couldn't access it, and she was so disappointed in her child for liking something so "unnatural". You would have thought this 5 year old was snorting coke the way she was carrying on!

Sorry but this is awful. What child wants seeds or a sack of spelt flour for their birthday present?

I think the best solution i have for this (after 3 DC) is to limit birthday celebrations to maximum 5 guests. You will get random stuff regardless of what you put on the invitation.

On the plus side, there may be a fair amount of regifting going on. Why don't you ask for a toy or game that their child no longer plays with @Nocommentisacomment ?

I just don't think you can have it both ways, OP. If you don't wish to say 'no gifts please' then you need to accept that she will get gifts and not dictate what gifts she does get.

If some people ask which they probably will then you can suggest crafts, gardening toys etc but other than that, it's just something you have to accept when throwing a child's birthday party.

You could have smaller birthday parties? Then she won't get as many presents and not as much will go to waste.

Hang on...youre talking about reducing plastic and second hand gifts but state you throw away plastic toys after theyve only been played with a few times? Also its very cheeky to tell parents what gifts to buy. Accept what ever theyre kind enough to buy, play with them then pass them on when theyre no longer used. Surely thats better than just throwing them away!

People aren't annoyed because you have a preference for wooden toys, they're annoyed because you're coming across as quite judgemental and superior. I think I probably parent the same way as you, I dont tend to buy my kids plastic toys, we don't do plastic kitchen items etc. I actually have an anxiety disorder that for a while focused around plastic and trying to eliminate it from our lives to an excessive point. I'd still never call toys or other items that I know people enjoy and use with their own children 'plastic crap' or talk about buying plastic items negatively let alone knuckle down when offense has obviously been taken.

Personally if I got a party invite that was worded the way you've been talking, despite agreeing with your ethos I wouldn't want my child to come to your party because I don't want the present i buy to be judged nor that judgement to pass to me or my kid.

You also come across as quite naive on the financial situation many people, including those on mumsnet are in. You're saying people could buy a second hand wooden toy from vinted but honestly with vinted fees and delivery that still leaves toys quite expensive and wooden toys tend to retain value. In the UK its also generally considered quite poor taste to buy second hand gifts unless its for people you know quite well who you know will appreciate it. Some people are funny with germs, knowing if it comes from a smoke free home or pets etc. It also requires you to buy weeks in advance and lots of people are time poor and simply not organised enough (i'm guilty of this). I work full time, volunteer and have three kids 7 and under, i'm not thinking about a school friemds birthday party several weeks in advance when there are three other parties before then, clubs most days of the week, school work etc etc. Its a kids party, for a lot of people its just a bit of fun for their children and when you make it loads of effort its just not worth it for so many.

I actually think this whole thread might be a wind up.
I agree that having 15 kids or whatever is a huge party for such young kids. OP‘s DD is very unlikely to have 15 actual friends that she really cares about at this very young age.
OP could cut the numbers of party guests right back if she wishes to be more sustainable

I understand where you’re coming from OP, but I’m not sure how you get around this one delicately, due to the reasons already provided.

You could theme the party as such, in my wholesome era 😁

OP are you asking people to confirm attendance via text and specify dietary requirements. IME parents tend to ask what the bday child’s interests are & you can then steer them that way.

X is into spending time in nature, crafting, jigsaws, board games & z atm…or we are putting together a gardening/baking/knitting kits for dd should you wish to contribute to either: seeds, plants, sprinkles, baking decorations, metal cookie cutters, wool...

What I do with ours is unwanted gifts are donated to the charity shop, and we might buy a replacement gift or two together.

I don’t like “no plastic” it’s a bit presumptuous that you are expecting a gift.

I do like the PP idea of saying “Your presence is the best present, however if you would like to buy X a gift and are stumped, she would love anything to do with arts and crafts, gardening accessories or a puzzle/board game”

I think your sentiment is really great and fully agree with you. I wanted to say something similar for my son bday but felt it came across rude/bossy.
I'd go with 'no presents needed, thank you, DD just wants a great time with her friends!'
I think most people will still bring a gift as they feel they have to. To avoid her disappointment you can get a few gifts wrapped for her for the party day.

"That’s exactly the problem — it’s not that there aren’t alternatives; people just don’t think beyond those two options."

You can ask for thoughtful gifts from family members. For everyone else, you can say 'no gifts please', ask for books, or accept what you are given.

Parents of young children are often very busy and overstretched. They may also receive invites to LOTS of birthday parties. They don't want the added burden of 'thinking beyond' the usual options for your child's gift. Plus saying 'no plastic gifts please' sounds snobby and entitled.

I agree with pp that this is the best option if you really want to say something: “Your presence is the best present, however if you would like to buy X a gift and are stumped, she would love anything to do with arts and crafts, gardening accessories or a puzzle/board game”

We put on our invitations "No gifts necessary, if you’d like to bring something, pre-loved items are warmly welcomed". Some people did gift pre-loved toys and books which our daughter enjoyed unwrapping. We kept the books she liked but exchange from her current bookshelf (also house full of books!) and donate to the nursery/local pub/A&E/GP etc. Any new toys that are duplicates or unnecessary get donated to Christmas gift campaigns and women shelters. I prefer my children to have experiences rather than stuff but I also appreciate lots of people's love language is gifting. For me, their contribution will go to children who are less fortunate than mine

Firstborn? As others have said. Regardless of your own convictions, this would be the height of bad manners to start to dictate. You would be best off saying no presents, your childs presence is enough.

I think there might be a cultural difference here. You say you live in the UK but it's not your country of origin, is that right? You said in your home country it's normal to say what gifts the child would like on the invitation? But in UK - or at least what I know of it (I'm British and live here, have 2 primary school age children and have received a LOT of birthday party invitations for them) i have literally never seen a single invitation which says anything about gifts. However, most people will reply to confirm they can attend and then ask what kind of things the birthday child likes. That's the parent's cue to make suggestions for gifts. And as PPs have pointed out it's usually more helpful to say what they DO like/want rather than "don't give xyz" which won't go down so well.

The only time it's acceptable to send out a gift wish list with invitations is for a wedding. But I think that must be a British thing too. I've attended a lot of French weddings and everyone just gives money.