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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Dd heard us having sex

132 replies

Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:09

My DD is 9, she heard partner and I having sex, cringe for us all. She was mortified and was crying. I comforted her and apologised. I obviously need to talk to her. But how and how much do you say?

OP posts:
Dyrne · 23/04/2019 12:11

What did she hear? If you were doing porn star moaning and making a performance of it then fair enough; but if it was a few grunts and a squeaky bed I really don’t think you need to make a big deal out of it?

It’s cringeworthy, granted, but you don’t need to act like you’ve traumatised her for life?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 12:11

Why was she crying?

You've apologised,leave it at that and keep the noise down from now on.

Singlenotsingle · 23/04/2019 12:13

Crying? Doesn't she know anything about sex? Seems unlikely for a 9yo in this day and age!

Sunlov · 23/04/2019 12:15

Sex to a child probably sounds nothing like something pleasurable.

Not sure what I'd tell her. But I'd be keeping it down in future.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 23/04/2019 12:17

I heard my mum have sex with her boyfriend at not much older than this. It upset me a lot. I knew about sex. But that's very different to hearing your parent do it, and with someone who's not their other parent.

You've done nothing wrong op but yes I would talk to her. See if she can verbalise what it is about it that's upsetting her.

Pinkyyy · 23/04/2019 12:18

Why was she crying?

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:20

She heard groans.
She knows bits because of school lessons.
It's the crying bit I'm not sure on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:21

Bits as in she knows where babies come from

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 12:29

Did she walk in on you?

I'd have fluffed it and said I must been having a bad dreamGrin

Isitweekendyet · 23/04/2019 12:30

She's clearly crying because the sound of her Mum and step-dad has made her very uncomfortable - you can see that from a mile away.

Cringe for all involved OP but don't beat yourself up about it! A frank chat about any questions and what has upset her is enough and in a week it will have all blown over.

BoglingToAswad · 23/04/2019 12:31

I can understand embarrassment but crying seems a unusual reaction. Have you asked her what she is upset about? Does she think you were hurt? Or, since she knows about where babies come from does she think you are trying to have another?

louisvootin · 23/04/2019 12:32

oh dear op our ds is 8 and i dread this happening. x

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:33

She was in her room next to mine. Walls are very thin and noise travels in our house.

I thought she was asleep as it was quite late. I didn't think we were that loud clearly we were

OP posts:
SirNilsOlav · 23/04/2019 12:35

Perhaps she wasn't crying as in upset crying, but because she was really embarrassed and that's how it came out?

I had a similar experience at her age and I remember laughing at it, not because I thought it was funny but because I was absolutely mortified and that was my "I don't know what to do" default.

SimonJT · 23/04/2019 12:38

I doubt there are many people it hasn’t happened to at some point. It could be worse, like hearing “Daddy I’ve done a poo” and having no idea how long he has been stood there!

Maybe she thinks there is going to be a little brother or sister coming along?

ilikebeckerinmyoldage · 23/04/2019 12:47

My mum used to do this with her partner in the house. I absolutely hated it. It scarred me. It's so inappropriate. Does he live with you?

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:47

Definitely no more babies happening

OP posts:
Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:48

No doesn't live with me

Why do you think it's inappropriate

OP posts:
Prequelle · 23/04/2019 12:50

Odd that she's crying, why does she think it's something to cry over? What has she been taught about sex?

I used to hear my parents, younger than 9, I distinctly remember finding it annoying Grin

Isohungy · 23/04/2019 12:51

Eurgh. This bought back memories of hearing my mother with her bf/husbands.

Vom. Poor kid.

Haworthia · 23/04/2019 12:52

I hate to say it, but I think children can probably accept the idea of their parents having sex, but not their mum/dad and a partner having sex... hence the crying.

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:52

I've not spoken to her about sex. She's had the very basic birds and bees talk at school.

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 23/04/2019 12:53

Poor child. I heard my parents and it nearly made me sick 😭😂🤒 just talk to her. Surely you were louder than a few grunts for her to hear and to be so upset by it

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 12:54

She's 9, you're leaving it a bit late! Get her a book and tell her to read it and come to you with any questions she has. Does she know about periods?

legalseagull · 23/04/2019 12:54

@ilikebeckerinmyoldage you're scarred for life because your mother is an adult woman with sexual needs? So weird. Maybe it's inappropriate if it's screaming the house down at midday, but having sex in your bedroom at night??? Should the op be celibate?
DD needs to get over it. OP needs to keep it down a bit