Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Dd heard us having sex

132 replies

Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 12:09

My DD is 9, she heard partner and I having sex, cringe for us all. She was mortified and was crying. I comforted her and apologised. I obviously need to talk to her. But how and how much do you say?

OP posts:
TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 23/04/2019 14:03

My mum used to do this with her partner in the house. I absolutely hated it. It scarred me. It's so inappropriate. Does he live with you?

People are allowed to have sex. This was unfortunate however if it wasnt porn star like screaming, I am sure she will get over it. The crying seems odd though.

At her age, I lent my dads phone to send a text and ended up clicking inbox by mistake. It seems he asked my mum whats for dinner tonight and she answered 'pussy pie'. THAT was a situation I wish I had never come across...

TFBundy · 23/04/2019 14:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

lyralalala · 23/04/2019 14:11

you need to talk to her urgently because if you haven't spoken to her and the school have done basic birds and bees you have no idea what she thinks or knows about sex.

Kids can get massively wrong ideas about sex and relationships if they're only getting their information from other kids (who are possibly getting their info from the internet).

Booboo5 · 23/04/2019 14:11

Flashback to when I was 10 on holiday, heard mum and step dad having sex I had the tit on the rest of the holiday, my mum still doesn't know why haha. She just thought it was because I was hot and hungry 😂

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 14:18

Course I'm not going to get headphones!

Here, love put these on so I can have a loud shag!!!!

I've messed up badly. I am trying to make amends.

OP posts:
angereverywhere · 23/04/2019 14:18

I remember hearing my parents but I heard it quite a lot and never said it. It left me with some weird issues around sex - I would explain how it's normal and also how it's a good thing and an enjoyable thing, when you're over 16...

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 23/04/2019 14:24

Her dad and I haven't been together for 5 yrs this is my first partner.

Also this.. child has surely had long enough to process the information about mum and dad splitting up.

Hell, if DD is 9 that means she was 4, she might not even remember her parents being together.

I bet dad hasn't been abstinent for 5 years, and does not wait til there are no kids within a 50m radius, especially in the middle of the night when they should be asleep anyway..yeah sometimes they wake, but generally you would assume sleeping.

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/04/2019 14:29

You haven't messed up badly. It's a mistake, yes, but not a disaster if handled ok.

There's a weird tone to some posts which would be more appropriate if you were shagging 3 different guys a week on the kitchen table, not having sex with your boyfriend in what you reasonably thought was the privacy of your bedroom!

Grotesque · 23/04/2019 14:30

I used to cry when I heard my mum and dad having sex, I'm not sure why. It just used to really freak me out.

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 14:32

I'm not sure if ex has had a partner, I've not met one or heard of one. I suspect he has. Not my business really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 14:34

Sorry not sure how to reply to people.

SylvanianFrenemies thanks

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 23/04/2019 14:42

I'm not at all doubting the experiences of those who found it very traumatic to hear their parent and a partner, but could any of you explain a bit more as to why it was so upsetting, and why significantly more upsetting than your parents would have been?

I have no dog in this fight at present - married to my kids' dad and they're very young - but I do wonder what you're supposed to do when you end up as a single parent, especially if your kids don't really spend time with their other parent and you can't afford a big, thick-walled house. Absent evidence that OP was screaming "take me" at the top of her lungs, it seems pretty reasonable to assume you have privacy in your bedroom in the middle of the night for most volume levels of sex.

Original poster
Rowie00 · 23/04/2019 14:42

Thanks for all your replies

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 23/04/2019 14:51

I just don’t have sex when they’re in the house.

Not saying that’s what everyone should do, it’s just what I do. I can’t enjoy it anyway knowing they’re around.

AhhhHereItGoes · 23/04/2019 14:56

To be fair I heard my parents at a similar age and thought my Dad was hurting my Mum (no idea why).

It's important for her to know your OK, but at that age talking about it may feel awkward confusing as you're between a young child and a teenager.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 23/04/2019 14:58

Are you sure she doesn’t think that you’re trying for a baby with your partner? If all she knows about sex is sex ed from school then the point of sex in that is very much focused on creating a baby. She might not realise people do it for fun or that babies can be avoided.

BlueCornishPixie · 23/04/2019 15:02

I heard my parents once or twice and it was horrible. It used to really freak me out. Of course I know they do have sex, but when your a child it's not something you really understand. I have heard housemates since and whilst never fun not the same reaction.

I'm surprised she knew it was sex though, I remember my brother hearing my parents and him shouting out "mum what's that noise" I was probably 13, he would have been about 11. Because as a child you wouldnt really put two and two together?

Bookworm4 · 23/04/2019 15:05

@cheekyfeckery
Not when they're in the house? So never when you go to bed at night? No spontaneity?
There's some odd replies on here.

SoHotADragonRetired · 23/04/2019 15:06

I just don’t have sex when they’re in the house.

When are they not, though, supposing (which is not that unusual) your kids' dad either isn't around at all or isn't trustworthy enough for overnights, and your kids are primary aged? Do you abstain for a decade+ until they're teens?

TFBundy · 23/04/2019 15:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AhhhHereItGoes · 23/04/2019 15:12

Yeah I also did cry when it happened.

I felt like J couldn't escape/I was trapped and had to endure whatever came next.

gonnaneedaginsoon · 23/04/2019 15:16

*My mum used to do this with her partner in the house. I absolutely hated it. It scarred me. It's so inappropriate.

Same. It was horrible.

It's not the same as hearing your parents DTD, IMHO.*

Same here but they would do it in a caravan and when stayed in a hotel room all together. I hated it.
I do think it's because it's not an actual parent because I remember walking in on my parents having sex once and that didn't bother me at all.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 15:20

Also this.. child has surely had long enough to process the information about mum and dad splitting up

I'm still processing it and I'm nearly 50!

AliceRR · 23/04/2019 16:02

Same here but they would do it in a caravan and when stayed in a hotel room all together. I hated it.

That’s odd. How old were you when they were having sex with you in the room?

SimonJT · 23/04/2019 16:15

@cheekyfeckery

So when do lone parents do anything sexual in that case? Or are we meant to remain celibate until they move out?!