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Elderly parents

Extended family disappearing when parents get old

153 replies

atotalshambles · 14/09/2025 15:52

Is anyone else experiencing this? My mum and dad are over 80 and in ill health. I live about 4 hours away from them. My mum has 2 siblings who are significantly younger. One lives overseas and has young children and we don't see them too much. The middle one we used to see a regularly when we were growing up but in the last couple of years has distanced herself. I have a feeling that it is due to the other sibling (who they were close to) moving abroad and not having much time for them. We used to see them every holiday when their children were young and I used to go and stay with them and help to look after their children. We would see them a few times a year and my mum and sibling would talk at least every 2 weeks. Sibling never phones my mum now and is pretty mean about her on the very occasional time that we see them (effort made by me). I think that sibling now want to concentrate on their children and their families and can't be bothered with their siblings. If we see them the sibling will talk about how they will help me but all they ever do is send the very occasional email. I have one sibling myself who is possibly autistic and cannot cope with life so care of my parents will be managed by me. My mum talks about her sibling all the time but I don't think sibling gives my mum a thought. My parents are very old school and I think this is the cause of the dislike. I am not sure that my mum will hear much from sibling again although. Would you invite the sibling to the funeral? I think my mum would want them there. I am not sure I would though and I would be organising. They would turn up and pretend that they had helped and really cared i think and that would make me very annoyed. Has anyone experienced this? Do I need to invite them and rise above all the nastiness? I guess I am hurt too as we all used to be close.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/09/2025 16:51

atotalshambles · 15/09/2025 16:23

Mum is hopeless with phoning and keeping in touch as well. Going to leave them all to it and manage what I can. Definitely don't expect aunt to do any caring. Was hoping for a phone call every 2 months but not sure that will happen. Going to stay out of it all though.

So she's as bad as the relatives you're accusing?

atotalshambles · 15/09/2025 21:33

Thanks to the people who responded who were going through a similar thing. Going to leave them all to it rather than trying to keep everyone in touch . Going to delete my account as I am a bit freaked out by people going through old posts . Good luck to everyone in a similar situation.

OP posts:
27pilates · 16/09/2025 11:15

@2015pls
Give it a rest please, you’re bullying the OP.

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