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Elderly parents

My mother is dying and I'm racing to get to her - no point to this thread.

324 replies

SphincterSaysWhat · 28/10/2023 08:59

That's it really.

We're abroad and she's in the NE England. She has had a massive stroke and I'm alone, racing to the airport to get a flight I might miss.

I want to see her before she goes. She's no conscious.

My sister is with her.

My heart is broken into one million piece. No need to respond - I'm just alone (husband back at resort with the kids) so just chatting I suppose. I've had an hour sleep overnight, I look like an actual muppet (crying eyes).

She is 73 and a fire cracker. She's remarkable. My heart is broken.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 28/10/2023 09:00

Sending a hand hold. Could you face time her and say what you need to say. Just in case? Fingers crossed you get there.

Nochoiceleft · 28/10/2023 09:00

I am so so sorry. Take care of yourself on the journey.

Theblackdogagain · 28/10/2023 09:00

I'm sorry to hear this, I've done a car journey to try and beat the clock. It's horrible and hard and doesn't feel real. Be careful and my thoughts are with you.

Applesandpears23 · 28/10/2023 09:00

I am so sorry. Would you like to tell us more about her?

Isthisexpected · 28/10/2023 09:01

I'm so sorry. She sounds like an amazing mum.

DustyLee123 · 28/10/2023 09:01

I hope you get there 🤞🏻

PTSDBarbiegirl · 28/10/2023 09:02

I'm so sorry, this is a shocking, rotten situation. Your Mum has always known the love you have and have always had, keep that locked in and try to feel the joy of every moment you have had your lovely Mum. 💐

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 28/10/2023 09:04

Hope you get there and hope you both get your goodbye.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/10/2023 09:04

I am so sorry to read this OP. The shock must be huge, 73 isn’t very elderly . I know that race to get to a parent, I hope you get there in time but if you don’t, then know that the love you share is the important thing, not the moments when someone leaves. She has your love with her wherever each of you are.

Pashazade · 28/10/2023 09:06

So sorry OP, everything crossed for you. If you don't make it please don't blame yourself, but your sister will likely be glad of your presence once you are there. FlowersFlowers

Thebigblueballoon · 28/10/2023 09:10

Oh OP. I’m so sorry. I hope you make it. You sound like an amazing daughter.

SphincterSaysWhat · 28/10/2023 10:00

I don't think I am amazing. I've not been in touch as much as I should, recently.
I feel so out of control, I wish I was there and not here. I want to ask the questions and look at the doctors when they tell me the answers. I want to be sure they're not writing her off.
She's in the same hospital she trained in as an Irish immigrant all those years ago.
She's a trailblazer, a hard worker, an inspiration really. She hated getting old and it happened so fucking quickly.
She irritated me - with my busy life and the kids and the business - she irritated me. This woman who taught me to use a spoon. What was I thinking being irritated by her increasing age?
God, I'm so sad.
At the airport now, made the plane (well, it's shortly). Sitting in the departures, they really looked after me (I didn't have an online check in as was booked only a couple of hours ago). I am also clearly distressed - trying to hold it together.
My dad died when I was 20 but I had her for that. Now we're alone.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 28/10/2023 10:06

Has your sister told her you're coming ? Can you FaceTime her before you get on the plane even if it means someone just holding the phone up to her ?

Regardless of whether she irritated you / she will know you love her - it's all part and parcel of loving someone.

Safe journey.

Motnight · 28/10/2023 10:09

Safe journey Op.

I know that I irritate my DD sometimes but I also know that she loves me. Families are never perfect.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/10/2023 10:10

💐

Rainbowqueeen · 28/10/2023 10:11

I’m so pleased you’ve made the plane. Safe travels. Thinking of you

coloursquare · 28/10/2023 10:11

Best wishes, OP. Be kind to yourself. Literally everyone I know says their family members irritate them from time to time, and very few people can be perfect at keeping in touch. You are very clearly a loving daughter and your mum will know that completely.

TakeMe2Insanity · 28/10/2023 10:11

I wish you all the luck in getting there in time. Sending you love.

Run4it2 · 28/10/2023 10:12

Glad you made the plane - stay strong. Sending hugs x

Dragonsandcats · 28/10/2023 10:15

I’m glad you made the plane OP, she sounds like an amazing mum.

DappledThings · 28/10/2023 10:15

She irritated me - with my busy life and the kids and the business - she irritated me. This woman who taught me to use a spoon. What was I thinking being irritated by her increasing age?
That's a beautiful and honest and hugely relatable post. I hope the flight goes smoothly and you make it in time. Look after yourself too

almondseagull · 28/10/2023 10:17

I hope you get there in time op, but even if you dont, she knows you were trying, she knows you love her.

We all get irritated by our parents, all over the world, our parents know we love them though

happyharpy78 · 28/10/2023 10:19

I'm so sorry OP. I had to make a similar journey back in July, I remember that out of control feeling very well, the heart lurch switching on my phone when we landed, the thoughts rushing about what I could have done better and regretting those times of irritation. As others have said, all families are like that, we wouldn't be human otherwise. Your mum knows you love her, try to hold on to that rather than negative thoughts. Easier said than done I know.
Fingers crossed for you OP, sending love x

W0tnow · 28/10/2023 10:19

There is something so profound in honouring your mum by holding her hand when she dies. I hope you are there, and I’m glad your sister is there and I hope it is peaceful for everyone. Everyone’s mum irritates them. Just like we irritate our kids. It’s all part of being a parent and a child and everything that goes with it.

What would your mum say to you right now? Something soft and gentle, I’m sure. Take comfort in that.

shardash · 28/10/2023 10:29
Flowers
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