My mother is dying and I'm racing to get to her - no point to this thread.

[SphincterSaysWhat]

That's it really.

We're abroad and she's in the NE England. She has had a massive stroke and I'm alone, racing to the airport to get a flight I might miss.

I want to see her before she goes. She's no conscious.

My sister is with her.

My heart is broken into one million piece. No need to respond - I'm just alone (husband back at resort with the kids) so just chatting I suppose. I've had an hour sleep overnight, I look like an actual muppet (crying eyes).

She is 73 and a fire cracker. She's remarkable. My heart is broken.

So sorry OP - thinking of you & really hope you get to see your Mum 💐💐💐

Thinking of you OP...my MIL had a massive stroke last year..she died 3 days later...the nurses said this was a fairly normal time scale. Obviously everyone is different but just thought I'd pass on a bit of hope that you will get to say your goodbyes.

Got everything crossed for you OP. I'm sure your lovely mum knows how much you love her, your admiration and care absolutely shines through in your descriptions of her.

Hoping your mum waits for you!

Thinking of you, OP. I’ve been in this situation with my Dad. I hope you get there. Xxx

She knows that you love her. She does. Hold onto that 🩵

I had a similar thing. I luckily did make it back just in time. But you know what, even if I hadn't made it I knew my dad knew I loved him. Of course your mum irritated you , mine drives me to distraction, i live abroad, I don't call as often as I should , but she knows I care, just as your mum knows

If you do make it be aware she may be unresponsive so if you make it or not you might not feel she had heard your words but she will...say them anyway even if she has gone

I'm so sorry. Its such a weird horrible time

💐💐💐

Sending you lots of love. Your Mum knows you love her. I hope you can get to see her, hold her hand and say whatever you need to say xxxx

Hand hold for you.
I didn't quite make it for my dad, I was about an hour late. I hope you do, but in the longer run I didn't feel it mattered. He slipped away in his own time, and that was entirely him.

I think my mum would say something quite sharp to me in the same situation 😅something about 'nonsense, I'm fine, stop straveeking around' - her voice is always in my head, I'm sure your Mum knows she's in your head and heart for good.

She irritated me, I get this, looking back she didn’t irritate me so much as scare me, because by steadfast person was slowly fading away and I was having to step in time and time again. (Jesus mother, I am busy being the inner thought process) No problem being my reply with a side order of eye roll if we were on the phone.

There is a saying in Ireland, once a woman, twice a child.

And it is hard to be a party to, and I can almost guarantee you weren’t irritated, more so you were scared on a level you didn’t even recognise, it took me years to unpick it.

I got there with about two hours to spare, she could still hear us, we thought she couldn’t, (too long to go into, ) but something happened we all started laughing (black humour) and her SATS went right back up briefly.

Be kind to yourself and remember grief is not linear.

I'm so sorry - please don't blame yourself for sometimes getting irritated with her, you brought joy and love into her life when she had you. You obviously love and respect her, so you've continued to be a source of happiness for her - and she got yo meet her grandchildren! It is far too young, and I'm so sorry for you, but please try to think about the wonderful times you had, how happy she was to be a grandmother.

Of course you found her annoying sometimes, like your kids annoy you sometimes, and you annoyed her, it doesn't take away from the love you felt for each other.

When I lost my lovely Dad, it was very easy to focus on the things i regreted doing/not doing, saying/not saying, but there are so many more happy memories and these are the ones which he would have wanted me to think about.

I hope you get there in time, but know that if you don't she'll be thinking of you and your sister, as you're thinking of her.

I do hope you make it in time. Are other relatives telling her that you’re coming?

A Swedish friend who used to live in Devon once came with her dh to visit us in London, and heard almost as soon as she arrived that her 90 yr old father had been taken ill in Stockholm and was not expected to survive for long.

By some miracle of foresight she had brought her passport, so there was a race against time to book her a flight and rush her to Heathrow.
He lasted until 20 minutes after she arrived - other relatives had told him that she was on her way, so they all think he managed to hang on for her.
So 🤞and 🙏for you.

You may get there in time to see her before she goes, or you may not. It's out of your control, so if you don't make it, please don't feel guilty about that

I hope that you and your sister can comfort each other

She loves you, you love her, I hope you make it. If you don’t just remember she knows

💐

Sending a hand hold 💐

💐no words OP but a handhold for you. My Gran had a massive stroke and it took a week for her. I hope things go as smoothly and as peacefully as they can

Thinking of you and your mum and your sister.

I had a similar journey for my dad. It’s heartbreaking and unreal. I hope fellow travellers are as kind to you as they were to me.

Is it possible to make a voicenote for your mum and send it to your sister?

Ask your sister to let your mum know you are coming to see her which might help her to hold on.

Sending best wishes and safe travels OP

It's normal to get irritated by your mother, especially as she gets older. And I'm sure she would've wanted you to be committed to your children and career. I have a little daughter and I hope one day that her life is as full as yours sounds like it is. Your post is full of admiration and love for your mother, I really think she knows that you feel that. Be gentle with yourself.

And ask your sister to play the voicenote to your mum

So sorry you are in this situation. Good idea about douce recording or facetime if you can manage it. Fingers crossed for your speedy journey.

Handhold 💗 My MIL sadly lost her dad whilst she was on holiday, she had no time to get back as it happened so quickly. Thinking of you xx

❤️❤️❤️