The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

Rhino I was thinking there must be some interaction or how would the mum know Jace at all, if you see what I mean.

I’ve known DP for over 30 years although not always in a relationship
I have not changed my phone number or moved house - hence why his DM knows I’m her best chance of making contact with him
She last rang me maybe 8-10 years ago and I explained then that he wished to remain NC and why - she wasn’t very pleasant to me even though I was polite about it so in the end I terminated the call
She’s elderly and it’s a landline so can’t message - I doubt she would have an email address
I’m hoping to call at a time tomorrow when she’s out so I can just leave a message
She doesn’t actually know that I’m still in touch with DP the message stated that - but I won’t lie to her or not respond as that would not sit right with me
Over the years I’ve checked with DP the what ifs of similar scenarios as we both knew at some point this or something similar would happen
It’s just the unfortunate timing more than anything

Jace I think it would be decent if your DP rang his mum to say “don’t ring Jace”.

Just a note - the Dementia topic has sprung into life again, if anyone wants to drop in over there and give some support.

The fecking Grimms are at it again. Asking me for money, but ignoring what my mum has paid out. My stress levels are through the roof. I can barely function outside of work.

I need a lawyer (thought I had one) who I can lay out all this shit in front of and have them tell me what to do or better still, do it for me.

Just dropping in after a looong session at outpatients with dm..... hospital all v good and kind.
Sorry to read so many of you are dealing with s#£&.
No wisdom, but sympathy, cats,🍷🍷🍫🍫🌺🌺

nora big hugs and put the Grimms to one side - you dont have to answer their messages?

I've just watched the election debate, it has enraged me so much and made me think of mum - she'd have analysed every single word! (disparagingly of course)

Welcome to the newbies on this thread. It's the club that nobody wants to be a member of, and a safe space to vent, etc.

I had to wear a 24hr blood pressure monitor last week. I got the results back Monday and they were frighteningly high. I think for me something worse than dying of a heart attack would be suffering a debilitating stroke. So while waiting for the GP appointment have given up coffee. gulp.

Because things are not good with DS I asked DB if he could host DM for xmas this year (given I have hosted her for 20+ years), he has told her I'm busy and so he'll have to drive up and see if he can find a pub that's open (ie SIL doesn't want to host her). I know I'm going to cave in and have her (which means her critiquing every part of the meal, my house, my lifestyle etc for the day until I get to drive her home).

nota sorry to hear that. Are you on meds already, just wondered if it’s a case of additional meds or trying them new altogether.

Re Xmas, I think could you tell your mum you’re going away?

nora sorry if this has been covered already but can the Office of the Public Guardian help at all?

sandwich I took mum to outpatients as well, I was hoping they’d cross her off their worry list but they said one more appointment in two months and she should try to gain weight or they will be doing more investigations. I do of course realise she’s underweight but I wish they’d just accept it.

yolo I stayed at mums last night and asked if we could stop watching after 20 mins. It’s just going to be repeated over the next three weeks.

nota Stay firm! DB can take her out somewhere. It's not your responsibility. Make use of your BP, say you have a serious health issues which you don't want to talk about, it is sortable but you need a quiet time until it's sorted.

nota I'm so sorry you're having health issues... I think DB needs to book somehwere in advance rather than 'driving up to see if pub is open'! After 20 years you have more than done your bit, and you need to look after yourself . Keep strong xx

nota agree with others- let dB sort out your dm. Put your health first.

Thanks for the loan of the backbone all.

DM said she didn't want me to go over to see her last night... so I didn't.

nota that’s good.
Did she say it because she’s pissed off? There’s likely to be a bit of that if you’re setting new boundaries.

She didn't need to Autumn, I know her well enough to know that was the case though. So I had an evening watching Netflix instead!

Good! Put yourself first.🌺

nota any night where you are not doing the dreaded visit is a weight off your shoulders - what are you watching on netflix? DDs and I are on the Crown at the moment!

Funnily enough Yolo I've just started the Crown because DD recommended it. Matt Smith makes me quite like Phillip though, and I'm a staunch republican!

I watched ten minutes of the Crown when it started and the accents made me wince. Or do I mean nasal tone of voice.? I’d like to watch it, love Claire Foy, but not sure I can!

oh it's brilliant! Matt Smith was superb as was Clare Foy. I understand about the accents but it is fascinating - I mean, I know it's fictional, but it does seem to shed a lot of light onto whole areas I'd never thought of.

Not sure about the current bloke playing prince P, but he's growing on me (although seems a bit short!) and Olivia Coleman is so watchable.

nota By the time you've watched the first two series, your republican feelings should be back on to their firm footing! It's riveting stuff though, and so well done. Autumn yes, we've pretty well forgotten the nasal tones back in the 50s and 60s, it all seemed normal then, but such a shock now if you hear a recording of a royal or a BBC announcer of the time.

I've only seen the first of the new series, so still pining for Claire Foy. There's rumours that Dolores Umbridge will be the Queen in the last two series.

People really did use to talk like that... and Margaret's clothes were bloody lovely. Who is Dolores Umbridge??

Thank you all for the welcome.

We have been having discussions in our house about Christmas as the usual scenario (everyone to our house, muggins here on cooking duty) is just filling me with dread.
I know that my DF will want to chat about his ailments (his favourite subject) and will put a damper on what is supposed to be a happy day.

Then of course I feel guilty as this may well be his last Christmas...

Wishing you all strength and to get some enjoyment from the weekend

Parsley, what can you delegate?

Trivial moan alert

I’m having that thing where something I wanted to do tomorrow needs to be sacrificed because if I do it, I wont have the emotional energy to cope with mum on Sunday. Not her fault. She’s really looking forward to my visit so....unless I find a big well of energy but that doesn’t happen in November!

autumn you go and do that thing you want to do... then think about Sunday on Sunday. you could always have a sudden onset tummy thing? (personally I never did this with DM because the onslaught of advice/remedies was too much - but it might work?)