What kind of families are in your private school?

[Luna222]

Hi hope this is the right place to put this.

I'd love to know what the economic demographic of your private/independent school is like. We're deciding whether to keep DD in private or move to primary where we might be a better fit.

Is it mostly very wealthy (mansions, designer goods, massive cars, etc) or do you have a good mix of ordinary middle class families like accountants and doctors etc who aren't flashy? And where do you live?

We live in a rural area and the school seems to be 90% very wealthy flashy people who haven't made us feel super welcome and I am worried that it's affecting DD's ability to make friends. Not sure if we'd have the same problem at a different private school or if we'd be better off out of it.

London commuter belt. Mostly (very) middle class families, both parents working. A lot of teachers, GPs, some lawyers, marketing professionals, loads of scientists, …
Average cars, small houses, few holidays, hardly any designers brands around. Most make significant cut backs to afford it.

Varies so much by area, and what the local state schools are like.

Where I grew up it was much cheaper to buy in the crappy area then pay for the cheap private school than it would have been to buy in the posh bit and go to the good state school. So actually the demographic was richer at the good state school.

My kids’ school has a wealthy demographic but then it’s the most expensive of the private schools in our area, the demographic at the other private schools is more average middle class if that makes sense.

So I’m afraid there’s no easy answer, you have to look at all the schools in your area and see which feels like the best fit.

I work in private school about hour from london. I asked the kids what they had planned for hallowe’en whilst they were off for 2 week half term ( primary age) expecting answers like carving a pumpkin, trick or treating, dressing up etc. it was a lesson in which we were looking at celebrations and festivals. Nope. Kids going to Caribbean, Greek islands, mini cruises, Disney etc etc! I was 🤯 It’s a different world!

Those who answer will likely say ‘very normal, middle class’ etc. It does seem normal to them. They do actually feel that it’s afforded by some through older cars and few holidays.

In reality, these are the children of the wealthiest parents in the country. Most people who send their kids to state schools also have old cars and few holidays 😂

Only 7% of children go to private schools. It is very likely that these are children from the top 10% of wealth in the country.

Rural south.

Local professional & farming families, army, a small overseas contingent (five Russians (British grandmother), two HK Chinese, two Spanish, two Cypriot, two Americans whose dad is on secondment to UK military.

Plus two scholarships a year - open to anyone

The car park has a mix of muddy landrovers, elderly hatchbacks, a few BMW & Audis, and one gleaming new Maserati.

@AbacusAvocado similar for ys. i can afford private school gor 2 children, but i can’t afford a good state school. house-prices in catchment are insane, definitely a very wealthy demographic (with the cars and houses to show!)

London commuter town. Two private primary schools in town , DC go to the more down to earth of the two.

Many families very normal down to earth.

I’ve been to play dates at about 5 school friend’s houses - 2 were flashy (very large & fancy, had swimming pool kind of house) but the other 3 houses were very normal, as in perfectly nice middle class houses but no different to the houses of my many friends who use state schools.

I can't lie - our school is full of flashy families. You only have to look at the cars at pick up time. There are quite a few families like us who live in a normal house and drive a modest car but my DD's friends all seem to live in massive houses and get driven around in Porsches , Lamborghinis ( the Chelsea tractor type models) and other huge expensive cars. Holidays are usually first class travel.

DD hasn't struggled to make friends, in fact she was welcomed with open arms and is very popular compared to when she was at her state school ( she was bullied for being the "rich girl" there!) but I have noticed that she never wants to invite people here and always goes to her friends' houses instead. She denies being embarrassed by our ( perfectly lovely) house but I think she is a bit.

Like @blabla23 , I couldn't afford to get DS into the only decent state school in the area. Even 2 bed houses in catchment are £750k+ .

I bought a doer-upper in a more rural area, and then DS won his scholarship so I scrape together the rest of the fees. I'm at the low end of the school income range but we have been made welcome.

I find most parents are busy working to pay the fees and so have limited time to socialise. I don't think they are being unfriendly. We have a few SAHMs who run the 'Friends of' and fund raise. They can be a bit bossy but I tend to keep out of their way.

Tbh this is what I was expecting as when we lived in London I saw a lot of families, especially immigrant ones, who lived frugally in order to send kids to good schools. We left London partly to be near countryside activities and have a more spacious house (still not big mind!) but we seem to have left all the like-minded families behind.

This is so variable from school to school. We could, with a bit of a drive, have sent DD to Millfield. We know it's half term there because of all the helicopters that come over. And we couldn't have afforded it.

DD goes to a selective school that is more like a well-funded grammar - no swimming pools or anything and so fees much lower than anything else locally. She knows that we don't have as much money as some there (and the really rich ones all went off to board at 13) but it's very much doctors and accountants.

But my impression is that most of those parents put their children through state primary and then only moved to private at secondary, so the demographics may be very different by age.

@MyBedIsMySpiritualHome
Even if it is top 10% income, that is a household income of c.£90k. Many families with a lawyer / doctor/ accountant etc. will be in that category and won’t be driving Lamborghinis etc. though they are obviously relatively well off.

At the prep school where my children are going most children have one or two professional parents. Fees are comparable to nursery costs. I specifically chose it not to be the flashiest school in the area - there is another which is a bit more expensive with better facilities very much marketed at landed gentry.

But a big factor is also having only one child or older parents who have inherited or built up more savings / career success.

45 mins from central London. Very mixed economic demographic. Cheaper end of private fees and no flashy facilities. We are approx in the middle of income range(2 salaried partners) but I get the impression not everyone is paying from salary. We moved from state and don’t really feel we fit in either tbh. We were the “rich” family in state and dealt with a few awkward comments. We still don’t fit in and my children are struggling to make friends in private 🤷‍♀️

Home counties commuter belt here. Mostly two high earning professional parents, quite a few medics. Few properly rich sports professionals. Most live in fairly standard 4 bed detached houses, expensive due to location but not flashy or excessive. Plenty of people doing expensive exotic holidays but as many doing Cornwall and Centre Parcs.

Maybe it becomes more apparent when older but kids don’t seem to notice/care.

How could teachers (or even a lot of doctors) afford school fees especially if more than one child? Do a lot of people get family help or something?

I'm sorry to hear this. It can be such a struggle to know which school is best! I hope your kids will make friends as time goes on.

'Up North' here. Mixed demographic - lawyers, GPs, business owners, property developers, secretaries, hairdressers, farmers etc etc. These are the ones I can think of. A real mix. Also students on full bursaries.

Agree that it’s the parents who spend more time looking sideways than the children. Kids don’t seem to care in our experience but appreciate that may change as they get older. However if as parents you are outcast for whatever reason- income/class/culture- then it does affect the kids in turn.

Our family is awash with doctors (not us but the rest) and there's not one child among them who hasn't had at least some private eduction. Likewise our local private school is full of the children of consultants at the local hospital.

Posters will say their schools are full of ordinary souls. I'd say that observation is subjective. The one time we decided to look around a private school just to see if we weren't missing a trick the car park on open day was full of lovely shiny new cars (this was Hampton Boys School).

7% of children at any one time. The % of children who go to private school at some point in their schooling is higher. From memory c 25%, with sixth form being the stage of education when parents are most likely to choose private.

At our school there is a decent number of v wealthy, mostly business owners. Then plenty or professional parents (doctors, dentists, engineers etc). Then a decent minority of (mostly immigrant) parents who have lower incomes but sink it into their child's education and live v modestly.

For us we would only be able to afford 1 kid at a private school were it not for the help of my PIL. And even just sending one kid would be with some sacrifices to our daily life when you add up the school uniform, trips, and any extra curriculars. I know one family where dad is a doctor and mum is a SAHM and they live very modestly to afford to send two kids to private school. The only teachers I know who send their kids to private schools are either doing it at the school where they teach (so they get a big discount) or they're married to a high earner.

How could teachers (or even a lot of doctors) afford school fees especially if more than one child? Do a lot of people get family help or something?

My brother & Sil are teachers in a secondary. He’s on 70k (slt) & she’s on 55k. Plus they are a bit older & property was much cheaper then.

Commuter belt. Mix of overseas boarders (v wealthy), children of visiting academics where uni pays fees, and locals with either 1 very high earning parent / 2 quite high earning parents. Pupils do not seem that bothered about wide range of friends’ homes / cars.

I think this is my issue. There is definitely a rich mum clique and they do playdates with each other a lot. I've tried to arrange a few playdates but they cancel last minute or never invite us back, which just makes me so sad for my daughter because she is always asking if her classmates can come over. The teachers tell me my daughter is popular and well liked but it just seems a shame that she is missing out outside of school.

Surprised that teachers would be able to afford private schooling.