What kind of families are in your private school?

[Luna222]

Hi hope this is the right place to put this.

I'd love to know what the economic demographic of your private/independent school is like. We're deciding whether to keep DD in private or move to primary where we might be a better fit.

Is it mostly very wealthy (mansions, designer goods, massive cars, etc) or do you have a good mix of ordinary middle class families like accountants and doctors etc who aren't flashy? And where do you live?

We live in a rural area and the school seems to be 90% very wealthy flashy people who haven't made us feel super welcome and I am worried that it's affecting DD's ability to make friends. Not sure if we'd have the same problem at a different private school or if we'd be better off out of it.

Crikey @Dabralor you can imagine some thinking that. But writing it down. Revolting.

Well you are allowed to say some are on bursaries! It’s the same thing. They have bursaries because they cannot pay fees. I don’t care what background but clearly 100% bursaries are not given to the better off. You do have to deserve one!

That might just be the families that you know though, my best friend sends her daughter to LEH, they live in a two bed flat in Staines and are on fairly ordinary middle class salaries.
My son attends one of the local private schools and whilst we are comfortable we are far from rich. Another three families on our street send their children to schools on your list. Two are families with fairly average middle class jobs living in 4 bed semis. Another is a single mum who is an accountant living in a two bed flat. All of us are making sacrifices to send our children to these schools because the local state school isn't great.

I think its a mix but its fair to say the vast majority of private prep school parents in London are well-off. A 3/4 bed semi in London costs over £1m in many neighbourhoods. Most of the families at our school live in houses worth between £1m to £2m with a handful above this and a handful below this. Most people go on nice foreign holidays at least once a year and a handful have second homes in the UK.

@MusicMum80s yes I've just looked at my old street and prices are 1.6-1.7 for a 3-4 bed semi. And there were plenty of foreign holidays among the private families living there. Of course there are outliers. But these people are well off. Heck, we were well off! Although we went down the comp route (happily and successfully too).

@MusicMum80s you make a good point there as actually everyone in our class live in properties in excess of 1m (in London). I'd say in our school, it doesn't seem noticeably rich with no flash cars etc. Homes look normal yet are in good areas. No obvious designer stuff. I do know many have holiday homes abroad which are pretty big.

I'm not sure people in London are as obsessed with owning flash cars as no one really drives anywhere! I have been to loads of people's houses and as people don't have drives I still don't know what car they have.

What is a flash car?
There does seem to be a kind of inverted snobbery at work on MN which sneers at this mythical machine. There have been dozens of mentions! I'd just like to make sure I'm not driving one!

For the record I see lots of very nice, shiny new ones at pick up time outside our local private school. Not sure if they're actually flash tho 😂

@explainthistomeplease A car other people are envious of! To name a few: Ferrari, Porsche, Rolls Royce, Bentley, Rsnge Rover, Top of the range Mercedes, or BMW or anything over £100k. Shiny new Kia doesn’t count.

Well, I'm a single working mum - very middle class - certainly don't consider myself wealthy. We're in North London. I do struggle to afford the fees (7K per term plus all the trips/school bus etc) and most people there are pretty ordinary middle class families. 🤷‍♀️

My kids used to go to a non selective private in an area where most state schools were needing improvement, though some were good. Basically if you could afford it you sent your kids to this school. So it was populated by many families who either had one child or scrapped it together to send their kids there. Then the bulk were people like me, who could afford it without much hardship but still operated on a budget, going abroad perhaps every other year. Then there were a few who were wealthy enough to send their kids to fee paying school plus have holiday homes and regular skiing holidays.
My daughter's last very selective school (she left last year) was in central London. So the affluence profile was reversed. The majority lived within walking distance where houses cost £5m up, holidayed abroad several times a year. Then fewer like us who lived out in zone 3 or 4 in nice but more reasonably priced areas, and a handful on scholarships or whose parents seriously sacrificed to afford it.

Curious that you think people are envious of cars. I honestly don't know anyone who would covet a car. The wealthiest people I know - think very, very old money and lots of it - don't give a hoot what car they drive or what assumptions people might make. Last time we met they were in a thirty year old defender and probably wearing thirty year old Barbours too! Your comment 'Some with big cars - like us!' is telling. I appreciate that it is most likely born of insecurity of trying to fit in but it doesn't paint a pretty picture.

Ha! @Artisanal this is a MN Bingo! moment! Old money good; new money bad. You see I think this is at the root of the comments about flash cars. I think MN has a reverence for old money and slight distaste for those who may have earned their own money more recently.

I'm sure you'll challenge this assertion. But it does crop up very regularly. I shan't tell you where I am in the pecking order, but suffice to say I have met with good and bad manners from people at all 'levels' of society.

@explainthistomeplease I am not in the slightest bit interested where you are in the 'pecking order' And what's with the Ha! Curiouser and curiouser

It is not about old money or new money, working, middle or upper class. In my book, class and graciousness are innate and many don't inherit them and you certainly can't buy them. Showing off about having a 'flash car' and saying a brand new Kia doesn't cut it (Tizer) and faux worrying in case you do have a flash car (you) excludes you both I'm afraid.

You're right it was faux worrying. Because I am genuinely baffled by the dozens (yes, count them) remarks about flash cars.
And yet again this weird reverence for old (often unearned) money. I just don't get it.

@explainthistomeplease I was directly responding to you because you asked. It’s utter tripe to say “old money has old cars”. I point you to the Duke of Richmond. Owns Goodwood. Likes his cars! As if people with money from all backgrounds don’t like cars! Some don’t but plenty do. Also, why not? They might have tiaras but they also have cars!

Yes. We have nice cars. It’s up to us what we spend money on and it’s nothing to do with good manners or not. There’s a huge amount of judgement going on here. Old money often shoots too. Black mark there!

@explainthistomeplease Apllogies. Most of that was not directed towards you. Should have been @Artisanal who can smell a wrong un from 1000m! Range Rover approaching!

Midlands academically selective. Fees just under £20k pa

Vast majority are medics, some lawyers, some random business owners (typically property related). But most are doctors. Often two doctor parent families.

I guess they need to strike to pay the future vat on fees!

Is that supposed to be funny? Because it is not.

I think is. That’s because I get satire!

Well actually maybe not funny. Those who can afford private school fees want more money from the state to pay the fees!

No Tizer, not funny, not satirical, just tasteless. Like so many of your posts.

Really? Do you follow me? I’ve got great taste. Especially in cars.

Sorry Hyacinth but no! I bet it's an Evoque 😂