What kind of families are in your private school?

[Luna222]

Hi hope this is the right place to put this.

I'd love to know what the economic demographic of your private/independent school is like. We're deciding whether to keep DD in private or move to primary where we might be a better fit.

Is it mostly very wealthy (mansions, designer goods, massive cars, etc) or do you have a good mix of ordinary middle class families like accountants and doctors etc who aren't flashy? And where do you live?

We live in a rural area and the school seems to be 90% very wealthy flashy people who haven't made us feel super welcome and I am worried that it's affecting DD's ability to make friends. Not sure if we'd have the same problem at a different private school or if we'd be better off out of it.

London public school: mainly middle class professionals (directors, financiers, lawyers, accountants, architects). Quite a few teachers (whose kids are at connected schools and receive a discount on fees). A couple work in government quangos / the foreign office etc. Lots of people who’ve made sacrifices to get their kids there - eg living in very small flats in slightly dodgy areas. There are a good number of bursaries.

The general vibe at the school gate is “normal” - very similar demographic to their previous state school, although the private school is actually more ethnically diverse. There’s very little flashiness / interest in labels or stuff - most of the kids seem to be complete scruffbags who really don’t care about their appearances or material possessions.

There’s the odd very very wealthy outlier - in my kid’s class there’s a Russian family who obviously have pots of money (judging by cars/holidays etc); the owner of a very successful chain; and DS’s mate who was really not well off at all until his dad developed some tech which he sold for a few million. The mum with the most expensive house locally has a fabulous brummy accent and is completely down to earth. It really is pretty welcoming and doesn’t feel particularly posh despite appearances.

Surrey. Really mixed. Doctors, BA Pilots, Lawyers, IT professionals, Engineers, Accountants, self employed. Local business owners. So comfortable, but not vastly wealthy.

Surprised that teachers would be able to afford private schooling.
It depends on the school and the area.
One of my former colleagues in an area with affordable housing worked out that private fees for prep was less than she was paying for her 2 year old in day nursery for childcare.

I thought she was making it up so had a look. She was right. The housing costs are low and for a family doesn't want a fancy lifestyle it's probably doable in that area for more people than choose it.

Ours is low key (South in historic city but large catchment)

No flashy cars. Occupations include GPs, hospital consultants, teachers, vets, tech, farmers, business owners, nurse, carpenter, academics, lawyers. I’d say 50:50 on SAHM vs working mums. Some SAHD with the woman that works.

A good percentage are international so it has a lovely mixed vibe.

That sounds nice! We're up north too, I wish it was a bit more diverse like that here.

We live in a medium sized non-london city with a Russell Group university and excellent medical school attached to the hospital. The school is right in the hospital and university district.

A significant proportion of pupils have at least one parent who is either a doctor or is senior University staff. The rest are mostly ordinary but well-qualified professionals in reasonably well paid roles but nothing flashy. No one cares about designer labels or cars. There's lots of bursaries so there's diversity of incomes.

I work in one. Hour from London, a commuter town.
We are a middle - upper range school in terms of cost. If I look at the preps in the town I work in and the town next door and compare coast, there’s a couple that are more expensive (and are considered the flashiest and schools for the ultra wealthy) and the rest cost less, we are joint 3rd place for price.

We have a lot of families where parents are doctors and dentists and a surprising number of pilots (highlighted in the pandemic, put some families very on the edge financially). A lot of business owners too. After school care is packed. Can only think of a few families where nannies pick up. Can only think of two where we’ve met the nanny, the housekeeper, the cleaner and the driver on different occasions at pick up and drop off.

Most of our families are two working parents, hence the jam packed after school care.

Designer clothes - not really as such. I see some flashy clothes on the parents, and certainly some expensive shoes on children. I’m thinking of my time in state school where you would recognise the trainers from the supermarkets and Shoezone, whereas their PE and playground trainers at my school are very much £50 Nike, La Coste etc. And lots of Nellie Kelly (correct my spelling) shoes and Joules welly boots. But on non uniform day, most clothes seemed fairly standard - I certainly didn’t spot any Burberry or the like. Lots of Boden, Joules and Gap (and JOJo Mama further down).

Where you see the money - oh yes the holidays! Many have multiple a year. Not unusual for our families to be abroad every holiday and half term. And I’ve seen multiple pictures of the houses and there are some huge ones in the mix.

The birthday parties is the big one. A staff member had to sort her daughters birthday who is at the school. She said it cost her £800. Crazy stuff. But she said she had to keep up. I see the party bags and hear about these parties and it’s never just soft play, a bouncy castle, an entertainer or a hired princess, it’s all of it mixed in plus more.

It’s certainly a different world to me. But hey if I had the cash I would fly off each holiday too!

In all honesty though I think there’s a lot to fitting in and it’s not just wealth. We’ve got some very snobby parents but we’ve also got plenty who don’t fit the typical prep school parent style you would expect. And the kids still get ultra excited if I make a simple paper aeroplane! They don’t think about it as much as the adults.

Where you see the money - oh yes the holidays! Many have multiple a year. Not unusual for our families to be abroad every holiday and half term. And I’ve seen multiple pictures of the houses and there are some huge ones in the mix.

I don't understand. On these threads it's always holidays that seem to be sacrificed first by parents buying eduction. Yet you, and other teacher posters on this thread have pointed out that holidays are fabulous among private school families. Good to know!

The holidays for many at my school seem to be fabulous - I imagine a lot of people do sacrifice holidays to pay fees, but many have the money to do both.

I currently have the money to do neither!

At the end of the day, if you can pay private school you must be wealthy or have access to wealth. It’s not a “middle class” thing for most people these days. Whilst I mentioned in my post that we are joint third so to speak price wise in my town and neighbouring towns, the cheapest is only a mere grand cheaper a term. Even sending one child to my school is £15.5K a year, we have families of 3 or 4 children.

I guess people who have given up holidays, they must have disposable income kind of bang on what the fees are. So they have sacrificed.

But most people’s holidays do not add up to £15k a year so there’s a bit more to it than that.

I think it’s safe to say in answering “what are the parents like” as a question - most will be wealthy and / or have access to wealth. The. They’re just human beings like the rest of us….

Central London prep. Seems to be mostly lawyers, finance professionals, tech workers and arts professionals. A few entertainers. Not many accountants or doctors. Not much old money or Russian oligarchs. Many families live in flats (but expensive ones, as it's in central London). Many nannies, and nobody is sacrificing holidays.

The birthday parties is the big one. A staff member had to sort her daughters birthday who is at the school. She said it cost her £800. Crazy stuff. But she said she had to keep up. I see the party bags and hear about these parties and it’s never just soft play, a bouncy castle, an entertainer or a hired princess, it’s all of it mixed in plus more.

Oh yes, the parties! We've only been to a couple and they've all been ridiculously over the top for a 3 year old. I just wanted to do something at home or soft play but I am genuinely concerned that people won't want to attend. My worst nightmare is having a party and nobody turning up!

A local slum landlord - I kid you not and an Albanian business owner who runs a lot of cash only businesses. Along with city workers and people who have building and scaffolding businesses. A real mix.

Ours is relatively low key, some rather than no flashy cars tending towards big SUVs rather than Maseratis but the odd Dad turns up in something a bit flashy from time to time. Most people in normal family cars. Occupations include GPs, hospital consultants, teachers, vets, tech, farmers, business owners, nurse, builders, academics, lawyers. I’d say 50:50 on SAHM vs working mums. Some SAHD with the woman that works.

Quite a few glam holiday destinations this half term but not as a routine thing for most families. They get two weeks in the autumn half term and a lot of families have switched to travelling overseas then. It's cheaper and cooler. My kids spending it just pottering around and we have some day trips for days I have booked off.

Senior school is bigger and there are a higher number of quite affluent families but most people are perfectly normal, living more frugally to give their usually very bright kids an opportunity they want for them. It's these kids that are the stars, the most popular rather than the very few who are jetting off for every holiday. It's a school culture than values a work hard ethic whether it's sport or academia.

Ours is a real mix. Lots of medics, plenty of barristers/solicitors, then lots of entrepreneurs/wealth managers, who tend to be the flash car drivers. Not many ‘old family money’ types.

DH and I both work in senior management roles, have one car between us, and really need a new carpet.

In a school of 100s of kids, teachers are more likely to hear about the Dubai/Disney/Maldives trips than the ones to stay with Granny in Dorset.

30% extremely wealthy (retired by 45, drive Land Rover Discovery and have another car or two, holiday abroad several times a year). These guys mostly socialise with each other, are almost always blond, go to the gym several times a week, and run the PTA. I want to hate them but they’re so pleasant and helpful to everyone that I can’t. They’re really happy and nice 😂

30% ‘normal’ people (live in a 3 bed semi or terraced house, drive 7+ year old car) whose kids were failed by state schools eg were bullied or couldn’t cope with the noise, so they’ve financially stretched to afford the school. No idea how many of these may be getting bursaries.

30% ‘normal’ families whose grandparents have downsized and are paying the fees out of equity released from houses bought before 1990s.

10% randoms: teachers’ children and refugees on free or very discounted places.

Ps OP if you decide to move to state primary solely to fit in, make sure you do actually match the primary school’s demograhic. We are by no means posh or rich but I had to pull DC out of the local primary because our DC did not fit in there socially. We’ve found our people at prep school despite not actually being rich or posh. 🤷‍♀️

@Justbefore retired at 45? Wow what did they do for a living ? (I don’t come from money - I have no clue (!)

Glad you found somewhere you are happy with :)

I know a lot of the families from the primary school and they're definitely more our kind of people.

I think going off what people have said here it does vary a lot depending on location. I'm guessing that because I live in a pricey area with good state schools that people who might otherwise stretch for private schools are happy enough with the state provision and are using their income to focus on their house and lifestyle. I think the average house here costs £1mil or something similar (not ours lol). It's a shame we aren't fitting in because we are actually really happy with the school itself.

Two boys at a major public school, 70% paid from savings, 30% scholarship/ bursaries. Lots of inherited wealth, assistance from grandparents, some bankers and 'farmers'. Some Navy, or Army families from smart regiments; not RAF. Often a professional or artistic mother, and father in finance; OBs of the school, very few first time buyers. Some whose houses double as wedding venues, others in modest farmhouses or London. A small contingent from Far East. Lots of expensive cars but seldom flashy, the kind that go off road and through floods. London boys come down by train; not a helicopter in sight. Holidays are to Scotland and/or visiting Granny / cousins rather than Caribbean or Dubai. Fathers and sons travel north to fish and shoot. It's not a particularly selective school so not many tiger parents. The fitting in (or not) is much more about having people and places in common, rather than personal wealth. So you can't buy your way into an 'in' group, but neither will you be excluded if less well-off, if you have friends or family, school days, pastimes etc in common. We fit in reasonably but not by any means at the centre of the we; our DS on the other hand are welcomed everywhere, via prep school friendships and some sociable cousins. Our cars are 9 &10 years old. Weekend clothes via ebay. Costly school trips avoided etc. People will know we aren't rich but nobody is comparing notes about money so it doesn't signify.

Ours was Doctors, Lawyers, Academics, IT/Tech, Farmers, Accountants, Author’s, Writers, Old Money (ancient cars, with 5 kids there). We didn’t have anyone super flash or obnoxious.

Having taught in private and state, I don't think you necessarily get a better deal in private schools. I wouldn't have sent my kids to the last private school I worked at even for free. Equally, I know some state schools where I'd sell my house and rent to get private fees together. Do your research, visit, and make decisions based on what will suit your DC and family priorities.

Op I could have written your posts except our battle is more social/cultural acceptance rather than income bracket. IMV the other parents really should be hosting and reciprocating play dates if the children are friends at school. It’s really hard and sad for the kids if this isn’t happening due to some economic barrier to entry in the “mum clique”.
Personally I would speak to the school who may say it’s outside their control but I would say they have a responsibility to foster inclusion in their school community.

We are in London and it’s a lot of lawyers married to doctors and people working in the City / finance with a few other professions thrown in.

There is a range of incomes / houses etc and most people aren’t super flashy. It doesn’t seem to influence friendships yet. Most parents just want their kids to have friends.

@4andnotcounting

Mostly banking. I had no idea either. When I was at uni I thought £60k was a high salary. Turns out some people pull in £800k a year, but you do have to go to a top uni, then become a banker or make partner young in a top law firm / management consultancy. Tell your kids people! I had no idea that path led to so much money.