What kind of families are in your private school?

[Luna222]

Hi hope this is the right place to put this.

I'd love to know what the economic demographic of your private/independent school is like. We're deciding whether to keep DD in private or move to primary where we might be a better fit.

Is it mostly very wealthy (mansions, designer goods, massive cars, etc) or do you have a good mix of ordinary middle class families like accountants and doctors etc who aren't flashy? And where do you live?

We live in a rural area and the school seems to be 90% very wealthy flashy people who haven't made us feel super welcome and I am worried that it's affecting DD's ability to make friends. Not sure if we'd have the same problem at a different private school or if we'd be better off out of it.

Mine are at two of the Dulwich private schools.
We both work full time.
Mix of accountants, doctors, lawyers, finance-types. Some very wealthy (buying a family home in Dulwich will set you back a couple of million nowadays).
Grandparents pay for half of the school fees.
We drive a second hand family car.
Generally holiday in Europe or UK but have been skiing previously a couple of times.

Lots coming in from surrounding areas and even further once in secondary.
I can only speak of the parents I have known from the infants/junior schools, as once in secondary you get to know fewer parents. None of the parents are remotely showy - very subtle designer handbags, if at all. Cars are Audi, Volvo, old bangers (us - we can afford more but don’t give two hoots). More likely to ride a bike to school.

Birthday parties maybe at the local pool, picnic in the park, sleepover with a takeaway pizza or more pricey like an organised event. Literally no feeling of competition between parents.
Holidays range from ski trips, St Lucia, camping, Norfolk, city breaks. Again, no feeling of competition at all.
Kids don’t have designer clothes, coats, shoes, bags.
Some kids have their own iPad some don’t. We have one family iPad and one desktop.

A top partner in a mc law firm can earn 2m a yr but not many would be retiring at 45 as it takes a while to get there.

A lot of private schools half a two week autumn half term when the local state schools have one week. We generally skip a summer holiday and do our main holiday if the year at this time to avoid the peak pricing. We are definitely not alone in this. That might explain some of the answers.

At our child's school (London commuter belt) the families are mostly finance, law, medicine, entrepreneurs with some marketing, consulting and teaching in the mix. I would say most families are comfortable but not rolling in cash and would certainly feel the pinch if vat on school fees goes ahead.

Well known full boarding school in the South-East. Most parents seem to come from the educated middle classes (bankers, doctors, lawyers, successful entrepreneurs, university professors, etc) and very low key not flashy at all. Some parents are very well known in the UK, but it all feels very comfortable like meeting relatives

Parents at our school are: teachers; lawyers; dentists; doctors; creatives; senior civil service; entrepreneurs; social workers; IT; physios; farmers; military; security; unemployed; academics; charity execs; scientists; bank execs. Family background : less than 1% are from generational wealth. About 10% of DCs are on a scholarship or bursary.
Different year groups are friendlier than others.
Previous school had more wealth ie more nannies doing school run but less fancy cars and flash holidays. It was less middle class professionals - more very succesful working class - and much friendlier overall.

I was thinking this, especially in the SE. An NHS consultant may be able to afford one set of fees, but 2 or 3 must be quite a stretch.

I can only assume people mean BOTH parents are doctors or they mean a doctor in the private sector - perhaps cosmetic surgeons and the like who make £££.

Good friends:
-2 kids in private school. both parents are Nhs doctors, not private. Surgeon and paediatrician, one consultant, one the level below.
-1 child in private prep school. Both parents secondary teachers, one local state school, one private.
Us: 2 kids in private school, one prep, obe secondary. we are both scientists (one university, one private sector)
It isn’t easy but certainly possible- good state schools are unaffordable. We are in the London commuter belt.

Private but fees are paid for us. No one is just middle class people. I'm the exception working class parent. Everyone seems normal. But even those with normal cars live on big rambling country properties.

Everyone is super friendly but ds very rarely has friends over. He is very embarrassed about our house as its a sqaut compared to his friends

How do you all know what the parents at your kids school do? I don’t have the slightest clue and pretty sure nobody knows what I do (I work in a very niche industry).

we are in the same position as some position as some posters here, can’t afford to move to a good catchment area (will be £1M for a 3 bedroom and I have children of opposite sex and with age gap so they can’t share).

we will probably cut back and ask for family help to send DC to private secondary. Apparently in our area (SE) they are fairly middle class.

Mostly ordinary professional families with 2 working parents - along the lines of doctors, lawyers, engineers, financial services, consultancy. A couple of lower earning families who are having fees paid by grandparents or out of an inheritance. A handful of very well off families where only the father works - most of them have inherited wealth and work in the family business, couple of them are nasty pieces of work and look down on the working mothers but you’ll get that anywhere.

To add, my DF has kids at a private school in Chelsea and it’s definitely very posh. One child’s party was organised by the dad’s PA and had security at the party. Lots of nannies, Chanel and Gucci at pick-up. No idea what the parents do, my friend and her DH work in finance. No generational wealth. And they live in a tiny apartment without balcony or garden (as Central London).

We’re in a part of Sussex where it’s much cheaper to buy a house on the ‘wrong’ side of town & send kids to private school than buy near the good state schools (like £1m cheaper). There are a handful of SAHMs who seem to spend their days at spas & get dressed-up for pick up, but most parents work full time. Lots of doctors, business owners, few teachers & police officers. Some media/music people. Many Chinese-born children who generally have 1 parent still working in China, few Russians. Definitely a fair amount of inherited wealth/grandparents paying fees. I had a very working class upbringing (council flat, parents work in manual jobs) and an probably one of the few parents with a regional accent, but I’ve never felt like I don’t fit in. DC does occasionally say things like ‘why can’t we have a swimming pool in the garden’ but I always stress that we should be proud of what we have as we’ve worked hard for every penny. Parties are all at local trampoline/laser/climbing places or a few kids round for pizza. Nothing outlandish.

my kids have attended the two closest all-through schools.
In the first, the car park was full of enormous SUV's with a sprinkling of Bentleys and Maseratis. The parents included a fair few business owners, and the occasional celeb or footballer. Academics were not emphasized, because why study hard when daddy or one of his friends can employ you when you leave? The kids were aware of money and talked shit about mansions, cars, etc. The mothers mostly didn't work, and the fathers would do drop-offs or sports days in jeans because if you own the business, you can wear what you want and wander in and out as you please. A fair bit of inherited wealth, where parents have inherited (share of) an established family business from grandparents. Bullying a bit of a problem in the school's culture. Parents and kids not notably bright. We didn't like it.
In the second, a lot of parents drop off in a very modest car, dressed in office clothes, on their way to/from the office. Parent's cars are as a whole no more fancy than the teachers (a lot of whose kids are in the school). A lot of families with two parents working full time to pay fees. GPs, pharmacists, city workers. Academics taken very seriously because the fees are a genuine sacrifice, the parents want a return on their investment, and the kids will have to make their own way in the world.. A lot of bright, sparky kids who are largely oblivious to money. Behaviour generally better. It is not without it's problems but we like it better.
On paper, the structure, fees etc are similar: both co-ed, all-through and the schools are only 3 or 4 miles apart. But the atmosphere/culture is very different.

Pretty much this

@piisnot3 Definitely similar vibe at my DCs academically selective school to the second school you describe. For the majority of families there’s an emphasis on kid’s working hard & making their own way in the world (as parents had to). I’d say there’s more money knocking around at the state schools on the ‘right’ side of town, and definitely more at the non-selective privates.

To the people surprised to hear teachers can afford private school- are you surprised to hear that teachers can afford nursery fees? The school fees at my school are no higher than a full time nursery place. We are at the cheaper end though.

Really mixed - yes some kids are off on fabulous holidays every half term, but others go to Cornwall or wales and go surfing. this was also the case in the fairly rough school I used to work in (with plenty of others not having any holiday at all of course).

Some very expensive looking cars (I’m hopeless with cars so can’t tell you brands) but plenty of less new ones too.

There’s usually one or two in each class with a swimming pool at home, but plenty living in 3 bed Victorian terraces and one I found out lives in a tiny 2 bed flat in the town centre (colleagues daughter was friends with her and had a play date) - they clearly sacrificed everything to send her.

Realistically, no one there is poor (scholarships/bursaries are only 25% off) but plenty of normal families. If you could afford full time nursery, you could afford my school.

If Labour imposes VAT and fees go up by something approaching 20%, then parents at the first school I described would complain loudly but not really notice the difference, whereas some parents at the second are already stretched to the max to pay the fees so would really struggle and some kids would be withdrawn. The school would fill the seats easily enough. I think it's the smaller, struggling preps that would close, rather than the bigger, established seniors and all-throughs.

We are in Sussex. There's a real mix, but all are lovely and down-to-earth. Nobody's snobby and stuck up. For some, the grandparents pay, the rest of us are a variety from a plumber to a doctor to a conveyor to small business owners to some working in finance. We have a few of the teacher's kids in our year too. Some scrape by to afford it and forgo holidays etc. others can comfortably afford it (and tend to have fewer children). In my DS's year all of the mums work, which I like as I'm not the only one using holiday clubs and wraparound care - the kids all hang out together.

Amongst our social circle there's a mix of occupations - my privately educated husband's father was a vet. My son-in-law's father was in sales, my friends a teacher and Royal Navy. Going to many social events with my friend I saw many people I knew (think market town in a country area) who were pretty low-key and nice, but with above average incomes - think dentist partner and own businesses, and a few over-excited mums who always seemed hyper and OTT. The ghastly local Tory MP always used to pitch up on a monotonously regular basis and be feted by the headteacher.

Our grandson won't be going to public school but there's a grammar school system in place here which my daughter is counting on him getting into! (We shall see!). I was a grammar school girl and my husband always jokes that I'm far better educated than he is!!!!!!!

Because private schools tend to have lots of evening social occassions, either organised by the school, or an active PTA. When the school has music or drama events, you also have a social event attached. They run quiz nights, jazz nights, gin nights, welcome nights, moving up nights, meet the teachers etc etc. So you chat with people and get to know them.

As PP said, there are a lot of socials and the classes and year groups are much smaller so you see the same parents at drop off and pick up. My DS has 2 classes of 11 pupils, so 22 in total. Even the 'meet the teachers' evening involves wine and canapes! And every Friday after drop off there's a coffee van with free coffee and tea and pastries, so I usually have a quick coffee and pain au chocolat and natter before dashing to the office. When I say free, our school fees are obviously covering the costs!! But I don't mind. I didn't have many friends in the area, so I'm very grateful to have met some lovely local parents.

90%+ normal middle class, mostly professionals plus the occasional wealthier flashier one

more of the wealthy London set in boarding schools round here though

@Tailfeather @KnittedCardi makes sense thanks. My DC1 is at state primary and DC2 at nursery and I hardly know/meet any of the parents. Can’t say they are particularly friendly either and I struggle a bit with that (from a different country originally), but that’s a different story…

We're sending DS next year (upper primary). We are similar to a lot of people in our new build estate in the suburbs who send their kids - 2 parents working, summer holiday abroad to a 'normal' place and decent cars but not flashy. DS will take the school bus every day and given our working hours, I'm unlikely to ever be a 'school run' mum or get too involved in the social side of the school. So to be honest, other parents situations don't really bother me, we're doing what we think is best for DS.

@AngelsWithSilverWings

Hopefully a helpful suggestion, but you may want to speak to your daughter about being embarrassed by your perfectly lovely home. She may grow up with an inferiority complex.