Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@Girliefriendlikespuppies she is 12 y 8 months. I was actually quite shocked at how exactly like others her thoughts are. She also watches a lot of people eating on you tube. Which I believe is quite common?

Yes, I need to stop avoiding conflict and try to reduce the exercise.

Roller yes it was private therapy. Seems wrong that that is the only way to get the help but hey Ho. She's increased her breakfast this morning as a result

Hello
@NCTDN and @Valleyofthedollymix are your private therapists in London? We need to go this route too but was going to avoid the private ED clinics as think DD will become competitive if sees thinner girls there. Would welcome any recommendations (via private message if you'd prefer) from you or anyone else who had pointers!! Thank you x

Well done to your DD @Rollergirl11 . Fabulous set of results

Yes it certainly makes you question their reasoning around why they don’t offer it NCTDN. DD has been seeing her private therapist for about 8 weeks now and she gets so much more out of it then she does the CAMH’s sessions. It has certainly brought to light that DD has probably been suffering from pretty significant anxiety for a long long time pre ED. And she’s just been very effective at masking it and functioning with it.

I’ve just had some pretty devastating news actually. An old friend’s DD 16 made a suicide attempt last night. They caught her in time thankfully. It’s just so devastating that so many of our young people are suffering so much with their mental health. It’s absolutely everywhere and I just don’t know what the answer is. I am truly despairing. 😱😨

@Rollergirl11 I am so sorry to hear about your friend's son, I hope that they are able to access emergency therapists and Dr's to help the poor child with his feelings. It is everywhere, teens are so affected by these last 2 years.

On your concern of your DD comparing herself to others with EDs, your DD might well become competitive but if the clinic is doing its job properly they are aware this will happen and they have targeted therapy that deals with this.
My DD said she was by far the largest person when she saw other AN girls.
But it is something the DD/DS has to deal with. In life, they will see others that are thinner or others that don't finish their meals, or others that refuse their supplements.

But eventually, they will also see that the people that comply and eat don't lose things, and the ones that fight the therapy & food only lose out on things (like school, or sports, or going on a sleepover or being happy).

Your concern is legitimate but I think it is a process that has to be worked through. Even in normal life and when surrounded by non-ED people, it will happen, they will compare themselves to others and the ED will tell them they are the biggest in the room and they don't deserve to eat.

@Rollergirl11 so scary to hear this.
@sm701 no we're in the north west. We struggled to find anyone without a long waiting list but have found a small clinic and not seen anyone else whilst we've been there. DD apparently doesn't qualify for CAHMS anyway although from what I've heard they're a waste of time but the CEDS team offer therapy when you get to the top of their waiting list...

How's everyone doing?

Plodding on here, not much to report really.

Hi all , thank you for your comments and welcomes . Just to say we are in week one of the feds 're feeding ' And my dd is eating what we are eating for dinner which is progress I think . Onvs it's just a small amount but it is veg and beans , pulses etc which she wasn't eating before so I think that's a mini win .. she won't entertain breakfast or lunch but I'm working on that ! It's been a very hard week.

Well done @huuuuunnnndderrricks keep going x

Yes @huuuuunnnndderrricks try to take one day at a time and keep congratulating yourself when it goes well (but conversely, do NOT berate yourself when it goes badly).

DD has started at the private day clinic - it's three days of assessments and then we're off on holiday (fingers crossed) in the UK and then another three days. It's fiendishly expensive and it shows, it's all so bespoke and fancy. I feel bad that we can pay for it and others can't. If we learn anything useful, I'll of course share. At the moment, DD is claiming that the ED psychotherapist told her she didn't need to put on weight. I'd be more concerned if I hadn't heard some of the other things she claims to have heard in meetings where I've been present.

@Valleyofthedollymix .. where is said clinic please ? And are you able to share rough costs ? We can probably afford it but I strongly feel like the nhs should help us !

@NCTDN thank you

Just checking in here. Nothing interesting to say, except that I managed to break the croissant for breakfast habit last week.

Hey peeps, hope everyone bearing up. Not too much to report here. We had a fairly successful clinic session yesterday. Care-coordinator agrees that DD is struggling with anxiety and it probably is separate from the AN. They have agreed to split the remaining 4 to 6 FBT sessions she has left between dealing with the Anorexia and the anxiety. Care-coordinator also cleared up the misconception DD has that she will be WR when she gets back to her pre-Ed weight and that we should be aiming for 100% as a minimum. DD not happy about that but I’m certainly relieved as I thought they were going to start talking about maintaining in this session.

I’m actually semi seriously considering booking 10 days in a villa in Majorca for August. So far we have a week in Devon booked but I would love to get some guaranteed sun if at all possible. Looking at places today and very tempted to just do it! EasyJet flights looking very good value at the moment!

Hello
Just a check in here. Well done @huuuuunnnndderrricks for getting through each day. It is an enormous effort required.

So Dd has passed year 12 with flying colours, I couldn't have seen this back in March or April. (She was going to either drop out or be in hospital ) I'm going to allow myself a little Pat on back and glass of wine later (and small weep) in relief.
We have tried to go private for therapy (thank you for Dms valley) but most London clinics full or waiting list only. Have a lead on one but it's zoom only. Sigh.

@Rollergirl11 I say BOOK!! Sun on your faces will be a massive boost, even if you take the ED with you.

@Rollergirl11 sounds good ... I have found over the last few years ( before dd wouldn't let me help her ) that holidays caused her stress . None of us have enjoyed them .. I yearn for a fantastic relaxing holiday .. I could leave her here as she is old enough but the worry would eat me up ! 🙈

Hope the clinic helps valley will be interesting to see what the offer and if it helps. Have Camhs been okay with you getting private help? I've heard in some areas Camhs will discharge you if you get outside help!!

Hu well done on getting extra food in, have you got any leverage with breakfast and lunch?

Roller if your dd is eating consistently then go for it with the holiday, I'm saving hard for an abroad holiday next year, maybe a Greek island or Portugal 🏖

We're doing okay, dd seems quite positive at the moment. She bought home college prospectuses yesterday and it was exciting reading about all the different courses. She wants to do a zoology course which sounds amazing. I'm of course hoping that focusing on the future will help change her mindset with regards to food!! We will see.

@sm701 lovely news red your DD doing so well in Year 12. Enjoy your glass of wine. Why don’t you make it the bottle?! 🎉🍸🥳
I can thoroughly recommend our therapist in Surrey. Don’t know whereabouts in London you are though and whether a feasible distance.

Right well I’ve just booked and paid for a villa holiday. Feeling more than a little reckless I have to say! 🤪 Just hope to god none of us come down with Covid just beforehand!

@huuuuunnnndderrricks yes I had pretty much given up on a holiday abroad this summer, first with Covid and then with DD. I thought she’d be far too stressed and self-conscious. But she was actually the one who suggested it. And with a villa with a private pool I’m hoping she can relax and just enjoy.

@Rollergirl11 that's great ! Hope she enjoys it !

Sorry, I have just come across their thread and just wanted to say that I’m in my 30s but had anorexia as a teenager. We went on a family holiday just after I finished year 11 and it was a huge turning point for me and the start of my recovery. I’m not actually sure what it was that helped, the change of scenery, the laid back atmosphere, buffet food which meant I could have little bits of lots of things etc but it certainly seemed to change things. Just wanted to say don’t rule it out. I wish you all the best with your children, there is hope and you all sound like amazing parents who truly have your children’s best interests at heart!

@Isthisnom love your message, thank you so much for posting it. It's nice to be told we have our child's best interests at heart because she's always telling us how much she hates us and how we're ruining her life.

Feel very down tonight.

We have long booked holidays, both postponed from last year, one UK one abroad, but after fretting about whether Covid was going to scupper them and I now think it'll be the AN. Am feeling really disappointed and angry with the whole situation.

Have DMed you @huuuuunnnndderrricks

I'm reading the Tabitha Farrah book 'fear of weight gain' it's a pretty quick read and I can see why it appeals to older teens. I wanted to read it before giving it to my dd as she is still able to twist information to fit her narrative iykwim.

However the book is pretty solid, it explains how by avoiding certain foods (to avoid weight gain) that that behaviour strengthens the fear/phobia which in turn strengthens the resolve to avoid them. The sufferer has convinced their brain that weight gain is very dangerous and therefore must be avoided at all costs. Actually deciding consciously to get better won't cut it as the brain needs 'proof' and a lot of it.

Ive not finished it but I think the general jist will be to overcome the ED the sufferer has to expose themselves to fear foods over and over again.

Easy peasy then 😉

I can sort of see why even with weight gain my dd is still locked in ED thoughts and behaviours, the underlying anxiety is still there constantly 😕

hi All, we're just plodding along here too, just had a 40-minute session from DD about how I am awful and wrecking her life. Some days it just rolls off me and some days it really gets me. I can't wait for this illness to be squashed and my DD to be back.