Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

(sorry not very motivational)

thanks @Valleyofthedollymix you echo me pretty much. At least there is comfort knowing I am not alone.

It is so effing boring, I feel really trapped as well 😕 my mum mentioned yesterday about going to a naice restaurant from my sil bday. All I could think of was what can dd eat there? Will it be high enough calories? What time will be it be??

In the end decided it would just be too stressful.

It also feels never ending.

I'm bloody dreading the summer holidays 😫

Yeah sorry also not very motivational 😬🤣

Yep another one here echoing how mind-numbingly tedious it is. Same conversations day in day out. I shop for food, prepare the food, watch DD eat the food. It’s quite literally EAT SLEEP REPEAT. Every. Fucking. Day.

DD had a clinic session today. She’s done okay for weight gain and she is now at 92% wfh. They are classing 95% wfh as her being weight restored. So care-coordinator started talking about next steps and starting to think about how DD taking more responsibility would look like. I had literally just finished explaining how DD was highly stressed last week (exam week), had a number of panic attacks and how she’s now started having episodes where she has the sensation of remembering something she did but it’s like she’s watching herself doing it from outside herself, like she’s watching someone else. A result of extreme anxiety/stress I would imagine. And this bloody woman starts talking about DD taking responsibility for her snacks! I feel like she doesn’t listen to a word DD and I say!

I hear you all. Same here.

@Rollergirl11 we're at 93% and feel the same. Psychiatrist was talking about doing an ARFID assessment but acknowledged it would make no difference to the journey. She's started mentioning 'dietician' which I think is her readying herself to offload DD1. Meanwhile, we're still at 1½ hours per day school attendance and didn't even manage that today because DD1 fell deeply asleep at 09.30 and didn't wake until I actually shook her at 12.30.

Ok everyone. Pep talk time…. This is shit. EDs are shit. They suck the life out of literally everything. I too am so fed up of cooking, baking, shopping, planning, worrying….
However I think we all need to agree to do something for ourselves. @Girliefriendlikespuppies could you go out for that meal for your SIL…can you leave your DD at home with your partner? Take her but let go of what she eats for one meal?
Can we all try something to make life more tolerable? I get that it is hard to do. Letting go of even one meal when all those grams are precious. But if we don’t make time to help ourselves we are all going to burn out…… I am as guilty as anyone of not doing enough self care so maybe we need to make each other do it…

And people talking about independence at 93% wfh need shooting….I am not suggesting that as a form of self care btw….

This thread is so lovely and supportive. I love how you can say exactly how you feel. Lotts I think you're absolutely right about making time for ourselves. I don't feel I can leave dd with dh without completely worrying. DDs issue is all about control and maybe that's something that I'm also guilty of. So I'm going to try..

No partner unfortunately lots but I take your point. If I can I'll try and see if I can time the meal with dd going to her friends for a sleepover (a whole load of other things to worry about there!!)

I agree re the self care, it is so needed.

lotts is wise! Remember the airplane rules - put your own mask on before helping others - or if you prefer it another way "you can't pour from an empty jug" Not that it is any way easy and in fact it can feel the hardest step to take. I remember someone saying something to me about DH & I taking time to be together alone -at the height of our DD's ED and it was unfathomabble - we had no time to be alone together... but it does come back and do take those 'me' moments - you need and ultimately your DC need you to take them too...

Weekend away was an awesome success as far as Dd is concerned. Have no idea of how much she ate in total - but she ate, including a random homemade pizza at a friends on the homeward bound trip. So, you know what anorexia - she had an amazing time, she had fun, she was outside of your grip, she ate, she partied, she came home and slept. As a football score I'd say Anorexia 0: DD 5

Fabulous Myrtle

@NCTDN I hear you on the control front. I am exactly the same. Which I recognise I need to work on. I let me DH take DD out for days out a couple of times and I worried and stressed and thought he wouldn't come but do you know what he did! And so did she! But it is hard to take that leap.
I started a Beat course last eve called developing dolphins and feel a bit out of place because everyone else is so near the start of the illness or been entrenched for a long time. But there was no way when DD was at the start I could have attended! I am not sure how they are doing it.....

And @myrtleWilson so pleased to hear about you DD s weekend

Has anyone managed to get their dd the COVID vaccine? I've read some info that says they could be eligible under group 6 with mental health issues. I worry that dd has a lower immune system atm but that doesn't come under any category.

@NCTDN - we did (DD was 17 at the time) under group 6 - mental health and at the time we feared even a relatively mild dose of covid could set her back in terms of eating. Our GP practice was very amenable and just asked us to email in our thoughts. I referenced a royal college including ED's in Group 6. If your DC is under 16 though it may be trickier...Happy to share the info we used if that is helpful

Was she poorly after it Myrtle? Dd will be 18 in six months but I don't really want to wait that long, although don't want to have to play in the mental health thing either.

No not at all - she and DH had Pfizer - which is what your DD will have. 16-18yr olds with underlying health issues will be a clinical decision made by vaccinator but I'd imagine all fine.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge you're right Can we all try something to make life more tolerable? 100% what I needed reminding of, 1 meal or 1 day is not going to stop recovery, but 1 moment of self-care might make us that much stronger and more resilient and that's something we need a lot of!

I've taken the challenge and DD is staying overnight with SIL tonight I will collect her first thing so only 1 meal without me, but the opportunity she has breakfast with SIL too if she wants.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I hope you can time your meal to fit with the sleepover too.

@myrtleWilson is it only 16-18's with underlying conditions now being vaccinated? I'd happily use the mental health issue to have DD 13 vaccinated. I marked myself as an unpaid carer in my vaccine (though I didn't get it early for my age) I marked it so the records show how many of us are unseen carers. We're like an army of people with all this *%&$! stuff going on that only a select few know about.

Good for you @SoTiredNeedHoliday - I'm gobsmacked by how much is expected of us parents with so little training.

So happy to hear that DD had an amazing weekend away Mrytle

I’m a tad annoyed by PIL and not sure if I’m being a bit precious or not. DH asked me at the weekend if his Mum could come and stay for a bit to help out. This was at MIL’s request. I said no that I can’t cope with another person in the house and it wouldn’t help. I know that she is sick with worry over DD and is she is literally texting me and DD daily asking how things are. I’ve had to ask DH to ask her gently to hold off on all the texts as there is no change on a daily basis and it’s too much pressure on both of us to keep replying to every one of them. Today DD has opened a card from PIL and her Grandad has written in it “I am waiting for you to get better! Please try your hardest to keep in contact with your Granny.” I think DD has enough on her plate recovering without having to appease her Granny with daily updates!

Rather apt turn of phrase there! 😂😂

Hi everyone, I agree that self care is vital. I don't seem to put that into practice though!!

DD1 went to school today and I met with the key stage lead. Very useful. Confirmed a lot of my thoughts re. where she's at. The KSL gave me her responses to the ASD questionnaire and it's made me feel quite sad, tbh. I knew DD1 was struggling, but seeing the extent of it in writing is hard.

We're going to try to increase DD1's time at school, but the KSL has said that the priority is extending her time on the school site rather than worrying if she's joining in the lessons. So she's fully prepared for DD1 to need to leave class frequently.

She's going for 2 hours tomorrow, then on Thursday we're trying lesson, lunch, then 2 lessons. Friday is sports day, so we're going to try the whole day. The KSL will support her meals.

I'm a lurker who started reading when you were on active threads ages ago. I think you're all incredible and I can't imagine how hard it is. I've reported Princess's post. Utterly clueless.

I hope you don't mind me reading this thread. It's really educated me (I work with kids with autism so it could be helpful).