Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

I'm reading the Tabitha Farrah book 'fear of weight gain' it's a pretty quick read and I can see why it appeals to older teens. I wanted to read it before giving it to my dd as she is still able to twist information to fit her narrative iykwim.

However the book is pretty solid, it explains how by avoiding certain foods (to avoid weight gain) that that behaviour strengthens the fear/phobia which in turn strengthens the resolve to avoid them. The sufferer has convinced their brain that weight gain is very dangerous and therefore must be avoided at all costs. Actually deciding consciously to get better won't cut it as the brain needs 'proof' and a lot of it.

Ive not finished it but I think the general jist will be to overcome the ED the sufferer has to expose themselves to fear foods over and over again.

Easy peasy then 😉

I can sort of see why even with weight gain my dd is still locked in ED thoughts and behaviours, the underlying anxiety is still there constantly 😕

I've bought two of her books after reading on here about her. Like you I'm reading them first, just in case they have a negative effect. I'm reading the first one 'love fat'.

Hi all still here still lurking. Making progress. Took DD out to bra shop on Saturday and she even managed lunch out in M&S cafe (would not tolerate MacDs ‘whilst she is not exercising property’….) and we had a lovely time.
Lots of fun plans for her birthday on Sat with family trip out to kayak on our local river and swim and then a cinema trip in the evening after homemade fajitas.
Had even managed to arrange to get her 4 best friends altogether despite them being on school holiday on this coming Sunday for a garden party.
And then DS1 tested positive for COVID yesterday so we are all now self isolating until next Thursday.
Yesterday DDs boot came off her broken foot and now she is confined to the house and garden.
We have DS1 locked up in the front room, leaving his meals on the floor outside and making him wear a mask to go to the bathroom (which he has sole use of as his brother is using ours for now) and to his bedroom. He went to a party on Saturday evening and 10 of them have since tested positive.
DD is coping ok but did too much today in the garden today and now her foot hurts. She was swimming but that is obvs out and so she is like a caged lion. I had to let her play a bit of footie with her brother to learn the hard way as I was sick of saying it was a bad idea repeatedly (as all the prof advice we have had had told us) and now her foot hurts, at least it has made her stop and think and decide on a rest day tomorrow. Eating ok for now.
I honestly feel like I cannot take much more of the constant bad news. DD lurches from crisis to crisis and never seems to catch a break. It is hard to be cross with DS1 when he has struggled himself so much with the isolation of the last 18 months. I didn’t have the heart to ban him from going to the party which was an end of term thing and only 30 people but I imagine strayed inside. They have identified where it came in from and it is a lad who is no longer at school. So not lateral flow tested. Sigh.
I am slightly panicked as I have a pneumonia history and so even though I am now double jabbed I was being really cautious. This is the first reckless thing I have let them do and it has spectacularly back fired.
I just hope I can keep DD on track. She started therapy on Monday and engaged a little but not much. Weight is stable. Thank god,.
2021 is turning out to be worse than 2020 unbelievably!!!

Roller thought of you today with the news that the Balearic Islands have changed to amber status, will that affect your holiday?! I really hope not.

Oh lots that is rubbish, I'm sorry you do seem to have had one crap thing happen after another! Holding onto the positives it sounds like your dd is doing okay and really has come along way compared to where she was 6 months ago. I hope your ds is okay, has he got any symptoms?

Sotired I've had similar rants from dd, she blamed me for the illness and generally being a rubbish mother during one which really stung. I hold onto the fact that I know I am doing my best and that she is just angry at life. It's hard though and makes you feel like shit.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies he is coughing, light headed, sore throat and dizzy. The track and trace lady (that took an hour as DS1 scrambled to find phone numbers as they Snapchat everything so don’t even have each other’s numbers….) said she is hearing more and more about dizziness and disorientation. He feels rough to be honest, it’s tough leaving him alone and only communicating vie]a what’s app. Prob a 17 year olds dream tho.
And yes DD is coping - very teary at bed as she is worried she will catch it and end up being ‘shut in her room’ which would just ‘kill her’. I can’t think about that unless it happens. There is no way she could cope with that. If she has caught it from him it is v likely i will have too and by that point there is no point in isolating her within the home. I am praying she comes through as DS1 is also off his food….

I've just ordered that book , thank you!

I hope he recovers soon, @Lottsbiffandsmudge

@Lottsbiffandsmudge SUCH bad luck, really sorry to hear that. But I think you did the right thing in letting your DS go to the party - I've been super slack with my 17 yo because I'm aware of what a bad time he's had of lockdown and DD's AN and I'm damned if I'm going to deny him small freedoms. It's a risk that I'm prepared to take and you were unlucky that it bit you (DS has been to many many gatherings...).

As thanks @Valleyofthedollymix I have been kicking myself. I have refused all such non COVID secure requests up to v recently because of my history. But I guess with 2 vaccines and the whole world going mad from next Mon I relented.
He has had a shit time tbh, both my DS have. Both have missed their GCSEs, DS1 las missed a whole term of his sixth form and it looks like his A levels will be affected too. Just wish we had got away with it…..

And of course DDs AN as well. The only upside to this is DS2 and Dd are binding again over fifa and table tennis which is nice. Their relationship has really suffered. I am not sure he has got over talking her out of jumping out of her window.
They all will have sure earned their ‘resilience’ badges….as will all us carers.
Hope everyone else ok…

So this afternoon Camhs called me replying to my email asking for 'next steps' . It was just a conversation managing my expectations and utterly pointless.
They keep saying we are overwhelmed and can't see / help your child but I put to him they are seeing someone's child so why not mine . Do I need to shout louder , call
More often ? No , apparently it's because my child is safe and loved so is lower down on the list . I'm afraid this just makes me cross , because I'm not prepared to give up on my child I'm not getting help .. sigh ! The 'system ' is so frustrating ..
Interestingly though when we spoke about anti- depressants ( I asked for a second opinion from their psychiatrist) he said my dd could have a much higher dose than she was offered by the private psychiatrist which didn't work . She is 18 in 5 months so maybe we will just wait until her birthday and crack on with trying a few with the nhs to see if we can solve the depression which developed into anorexia too.
Does anyone find speaking to these people just upsets you more when they don't actually help . I know it's not their personal fault but jeez it's frustrating!

Yep @huuuuunnnndderrricks me!! We're in a very familiar situation- dd also nearly 18 and nhs not getting us anywhere.

I'm thinking on her 18 th birthday I'll booo a gp appointment and speak to them about trying different anti depressants because then at least we won't have to go through chuffing camhs !

Surely you can do that before 18?

Sorry to hear of your frustrations @huuuuunnnndderrricks .
Fwiw the sertraline (an anti depressant) was critical to turning my DD17 around. I think it's worth pushing for now not waiting.
@Lottsbiffandsmudge can't believe your bad luck but I would have made exactly the same choices. These poor kids have had such a lousy year. Hope you all avoid it and your ds feels better.
@Valleyofthedollymix , I'm crossing everything hoping your holiday happens for you all.

@huuuuunnnndderrricks so sorry to hear of your struggles to get help, it's just wrong, isn't it? Is CAMHS saying your DD is not low enough in weight (wfh or BMI) to deserve help? Or do you think it's because DD's so close to turning 18? Where do AN patients get help from NHS once they are 18?
I would go to the GP now with your DD (if she'll allow) and start trying things rather than wait. I've had to be very stern in a lot of GP appointments over the years to get anywhere, but we know our children best and I am not about to sit and wait - you sound very much of the same mind.

Good luck, every day counts with this illness, it just gets more and more embedded so while your DD will let you help i'd go for it as if she changes her mind and the illness grabs hold tight you will have no legal power to help anymore.
My Dd is 13 and had she been 18 I don't think I would have stood a chance. AN had her so tightly in its grip, it took her months to even believe that she had any form of problem, and even now (still recovering) she thinks she's fat and fights meals from time to time.

After our conversation yesterday he basically said because she was clearly in a loved cared for environment she wasn't a priority and also that she is nearly 18. At 18 though I don't have to go through camhs and to be honest that will be a blessing . I can use the gp and adult private services if need be . I know it's underfunded and I told him it wasn't personal but it's disgusting the way they push you away continuously. I am resilient but it's so tiring !

@huuuuunnnndderrricks i'm so sorry to hear that, it doesn't matter that shes in a loving home she still needs help, surely they can't just leave you with nothing..... they are underfunded & overworked that's for sure.
I hope you get onto tackling all the elements quickly and have better luck with the medical profession going forward. Do you have a private dietician and psychologist on board? How are you handling the recovery with the NHS giving you zero help

Blimey @huuuuunnnndderrricks that sounds awful… I would go to GP now as others have said re medication if you think that would help. I know of under 18s prescribed anti depressants by their GP.
Adult mental health services through NHS maybe able to help too once she turns 18 with a GP referral rather than going private?
So in my news I am now positive for COVID too and feel rough. DS2, DD and DH still neg as of yest eve but I can’t believe they will escape. I have had 2 doses of vaccine and still have caught it.
So now I am confined to my room and DD is having to cope with all her own food and also cooking meals as DH ‘can’t possibly take the day off’.
I guess it’s a test of how far she has come. She has eaten well today so far and hoping DH can get out to do lunch with them.
A friend is baking her birthday cake for tomorrow. But currently we are faced with Zoom calls to do her presents. Or maybe extreme social distancing in the garden. DS1 is coughing a lot.
Happy 14th…..
I feel like I am losing the plot to be honest. When my last flow tested pos yest DD completely lost it. Refused dinner but we got her to eat it in the end.
I also feel rough and so stressed. This is not how I wanted to ‘let go’,of the reins….

We do t have those things , do you think it would make sense to get a private dietician? I hadn't thought of that .
We are just plodding along with the re-feeding .

@Lottsbiffandsmudge hope you fell better soon .. are you vaxxed?

Yes both doses and well over 2 months since second one.

@huuuuunnnndderrricks I think it would make sense as you need direction, something to aim for, and someone who can help progress the eating through the stages of recovery. I've DM'd you mine.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge so sorry to hear you have covid, wishing you a speedy recovery, and hope you only have a mild dose.

Thank you !

@SoTiredNeedHoliday could you possibly send me the same into? Thanks

@NCTDN no problem