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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Donor Egg for 2nd child

138 replies

aaaarti · 24/04/2023 20:52

Hi all - I have a 4 year old daughter but after 2 miscarriages, I found out I have POI. So now after 3 failed IVF cycles, we are looking into donor eggs. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation as I'd love to have a chat! X

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Lola245 · 03/08/2023 14:17

Hi everyone, I just wanted to rejoin this group - I wrote a few posts back in March when we decided to go down the donor route for a second child. We have a 3 1/2 year old, who was conceived naturally, but since him have had no luck having another. We did nearly a year of IVF, but it didn't work (only ever got two low-grade embryos after 5 rounds). My amh was dropping rapidly. So we decided to go with Altrui and were matched with a donor, and about to start treatment.

Then I got pregnant naturally - huge shock as it hasn't happened for so long. My initial scans and blood tests were promising, with a strong heartbeat, but then I had a miscarriage last week after it stopped growing at 8.5 weeks. We'd really let our hopes get raised, and it's been pretty devastating.

A small part of me wonders whether this should give us hope that it can happen naturally, but I think probably it is just confirmation that it is so unlikely with my AMH and at my age (41).

So we find ourselves thinking again about the donor route. Though our donor has been rematched, which is completely understandable but a bit sad, so we're back to square one. Altrui have said they would hope to find us another match. And we're also on the CRGH waiting list, though they split donor's between two people, so you only have half the number of eggs, and my dh has some sperm issues (DNA frag) so I worry we need a lot of eggs. We've already spent so much money on failed IVF so far, I'm terrified of deciding to do this, spending another 10k at least, and then it doesn't work.

Sorry, this message is a bit of a downer! But it really is helpful to hear from other people in a similar position, thinking about a donor for child #2. I'm curious to hear about experiences with the London Egg Bank. And is anyone here going with Altrui?

Mac425 · 03/08/2023 22:29

So sorry to read this @Lola245 . Very devastating getting that glimmer of hope and for it to be taken away. I hope you're doing ok.

Keep us updated about what you decide. Since you've paid your matching fee with altrui then might be worth waiting a few months and see if they can find you someone.

aaaarti · 05/08/2023 14:21

@Lola245 I'm so sorry to hear that!

We have actually purchased eggs! This is such a weird experience and just saying that out loud is making me feel all weird!! We went for a Portuguese lady in the end, she matched my skin tone and all of my preferences such as eye colour etc.
London Egg Bank have been amazing so far, they didn't charge me for any matching fees etc and now we have purchased the eggs - we have a 5 day cooling period so we can cancel if we change out minds.

Does anyone know how to do a group chat on here? Happy to start one on WhatsApp if you want to send me your numbers. @maxandru @Mac425 and anyone else I've forgot!

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maxandru · 05/08/2023 18:43

@aaaarti congrats on getting through the next step- how exciting !!!

I would love to join the WhatsApp group! We are still in the process of trying with own eggs (due to start a cycle in September), so I hope that’s ok to still be a part of the group? X

aaaarti · 07/08/2023 19:27

@maxandru @Mac425 @Lola245 and anyone else! If you private message me your numbers, I will start a WhatsApp group x

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Lola245 · 19/08/2023 10:27

@aaaarti I'm fascinated to hear about the process of purchasing eggs at the London Egg bank! How many eggs do you purchase? And then where do you actually do the IVF (making embryos and transfer) - anywhere you want? And could I ask roughly what the cost is?

I was matched within a week by Altrui last time, whereas it's been a few weeks now and no word, and even once you are matched it takes 3 months for the tests to be done. At the moment it is just all starting to seem so long... especially after we were very close to beginning the IVF treatment with a donor before I got pregnant. And now we are waiting again. Though I also know we need to mourn the miscarriage and probably give ourselves a few months of trying naturally though know the chances are so slim.

GingerFox2021 · 16/10/2023 15:07

@aaaarti how did your DE treatment go? We have just had a phone call with the doctor. Im
excited as well as anxious.

Lmoon1 · 17/10/2023 17:05

Hello,

Thank you for sharing, it’s really appreciated. Please can I ask whether it is essential for you to be matched with a donor who shares your characteristics? My partner and I are considering using donor eggs but I don’t mind if the baby shares our characteristics, I’m not worried about that being an aspect of bonding.

aaaarti · 17/10/2023 21:46

@GingerFox2021 Hiya, I'm hoping to start my scans next week and then have embryo transfer! It got delayed last month due to covid. That's exciting! Who are you with?

@Lmoon1 I am with London Egg Bank and it's not necessary at all. You look at the donor profiles, choose and purchase.

X

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Lola245 · 18/10/2023 14:17

@aaaarti we're now leaning towards the London Egg Bank too. Altrui has been taking a long time to find a second match for us, and I just know that even if we are matched with someone, it is 3-4 months for them to be tested and vetted. And if they don't pass the tests, the process starts again. Suddenly the fact that the London Egg Bank can move much more quickly, and you have so many donors to choose from, seems much more appealing. No surprises. My only worry is that 10 eggs might not be enough since we have sperm issues too. And if it doesn't work, £14.5k is a lot to spend...

Could I ask how long it took from when you first connected with the LEB to now beginning the process of embryo transfer? How many eggs did you purchase and how many embryos do you have? Thank you, and good luck!!

aaaarti · 19/10/2023 21:04

Hi @Lola245

London Egg Bank is good as all eggs are frozen and donors are tested for being carriers etc beforehand so it is all ready for you. You basically get an email every week to say new donors will be added online and then filter your criteria to find your donor. Really feels like you're buying clothes!
We decided LEB in May, initial consultation soon after, selected eggs in Aug - we were going to start last month but I had covid so hoping next couple of weeks! Holiday and covid delayed us a bit.

We purchased 10 eggs but the donor had 12 so we got given 12 for the price of 10. LEB let's you choose another donor free is you get no embryos which helps!

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Hereiamguys123 · 19/10/2023 21:10

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lola245 · 21/10/2023 11:25

@aaaarti thanks for getting back to me! Helpful to know your timeline. Yes that's a great policy that they let you select a new donor's eggs if you don't end up with any blasts. I just would ideally hope for more than one since as I say we have some sperm issues, which is why Altrui appealed, where you get so many eggs. But with Altrui they only present you with one donor at a time, whereas I agree, it's amazing the LEB has so many to choose from.

I hope you get to start soon and that all goes well! I'm sure it will. How many embryos did you get from your 12 eggs?

aaaarti · 05/11/2023 22:39

Hi @Lola245 apologies for late response.

I am booked in for a transfer on Wednesday! All 12 eggs survived thawing process and 10 fertilised but we will get a day 3 call tomorrow.

How are you getting on?

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Lola245 · 15/11/2023 11:09

We've actually now been matched with someone else via Altrui, and have decided to go ahead. She has donated before so won't need to do the normal blood tests, which I'm pleased about, since I didn't want to have to wait three months for that again. She is 35 which is not ideal given my DH's sperm issues, but obviously that's much younger than me (41) so really hope we will end up with at least one normal embryo. Going on this donor's baby photo, I don't think she looks much like me (different eye colour, but plausible within the family, and same hair colour but curly whereas mine is straight). Also looks quite different from our son. But overall sounds like a generous, thoughtful, sensible, smart person, which seems to matter more.

I'm curious how others found the process of finding the donor? It's such a weird process I think. There is so much unknown, and in one way I'd hoped to have found a closer physical match, but then also don't think that's the be all and end all. There is so much that is a leap of faith about this process.

How are you getting on @aaaarti ?

SABAR · 28/11/2023 17:05

Hi how did you get on with your journey?

SABAR · 28/11/2023 17:05

Hi how did you get on with your journey?

SABAR · 28/11/2023 17:13

Hi all I am new to this. I am currently in a situation with a still birth at 37 year old. Two failed ivf and LOW Egg count. Clinics have suggested donor egg. I am now 42 so struggling to get pregnant naturally. We are with a clinic and trying to find a good match for donor egg. Seems so overwhelmed and difficult as myself and my partner are both Indian and not sure wether to try and find a donor which is from the same background or go with a white British donor. I want to desperately become a mum and want a healthy child I also want our child to look similar to both of us. Anyone got advice on this situation? Would me much appreciated xx

TTC79 · 28/11/2023 20:16

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your loss.

We are at the London Egg Bank. They have Asian Donors, or European donors with olive skin etc (if you want your baby to look like you) and they will match the donor with your picture. We are going through the process now and it's been fine. I will have an embryo transfer next year once I've had an op for my septate uterus!

aaaarti · 28/11/2023 20:42

Hi all - I got my blood test confirmation that I'm pregnant! BUT I don't feel excited or super happy, I'm just waiting for the scan because I keep thinking that something will go wrong.

@SABAR I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through x
I would definitely agree with @TTC79, London Egg Bank is amazing! Even though me and my husband are Indian, we ended up with a Portugese donor. I had to send a few pictures of myself and they gave me a few profiles to check out. You can also filter the search with what you are looking for.

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SABAR · 28/11/2023 21:58

aaaarti · 07/08/2023 19:27

@maxandru @Mac425 @Lola245 and anyone else! If you private message me your numbers, I will start a WhatsApp group x

Could I please join your WhatsApp group it's great to talk to people in the same situation.

SABAR · 28/11/2023 22:01

aaaarti · 28/11/2023 20:42

Hi all - I got my blood test confirmation that I'm pregnant! BUT I don't feel excited or super happy, I'm just waiting for the scan because I keep thinking that something will go wrong.

@SABAR I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through x
I would definitely agree with @TTC79, London Egg Bank is amazing! Even though me and my husband are Indian, we ended up with a Portugese donor. I had to send a few pictures of myself and they gave me a few profiles to check out. You can also filter the search with what you are looking for.

Thanks for getting back to my message arti

SABAR · 28/11/2023 22:02

TTC79 · 28/11/2023 20:16

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your loss.

We are at the London Egg Bank. They have Asian Donors, or European donors with olive skin etc (if you want your baby to look like you) and they will match the donor with your picture. We are going through the process now and it's been fine. I will have an embryo transfer next year once I've had an op for my septate uterus!

Thank you

aaaarti · 29/11/2023 18:54

Of course! Messaged your number and I will add you in 😊

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SABAR · 29/11/2023 20:20

aaaarti · 29/11/2023 18:54

Of course! Messaged your number and I will add you in 😊

@aaaarti how do I send a private message and give you my number?
Or can you send me yours and I will message you. I am new to this.
Thank you