Donor Egg for 2nd child

[aaaarti]

Hi all - I have a 4 year old daughter but after 2 miscarriages, I found out I have POI. So now after 3 failed IVF cycles, we are looking into donor eggs. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation as I'd love to have a chat! X

I am also going to use the London Egg Bank. They seemed to do a good package deal as well for 3 cycles and my clinic are linked with them already.

@aaaarti @Kirsty23052023 @capermum

Im so relieved to find this thread .

Im have a beautiful 2 yo daughter who was conceived naturally, no issues throughout pregnancy. In the last year I’ve had a molar pregnancy (AWFUL!) , followed by an ectopic pregnancy and have found out I have amh of 6.8pmol/L or 0.9ng/ml. So those losses were likely a result of poor egg quality.

Now considering 1-2 rounds of ivf at ARGC (I live in SE London so it’s quite convenient) then donor rounds in Spain- probably at Instituto Bernabeu . They seem to have money back guarantee programme, which means I could get the money back and spend it again on another round…

Keen to hear of any DE clinics any of you would recommend. And any info about logistics (how often you have to travel to clinic and for how long etc…).

thanks so much, and so glad to have found you all! X

@maxandru I can't help you on clinics in Spain. But in terms of travelling to the clinic. I think I went in for all the pre cycle tests (blood tests, initial scans etc). And my husband did an initial sperm sample. This was all a month or so prior to starting treatment. Then when I was about to start treatment I went for a scan and my husband to give a back up sperm sample. Then I went back in 2 more times to check my uterus lining was thickening well. This was probably over a period of 2 weeks (maybe, cant remember exactly).

As we did a fresh donor cycle, had to check I was in sync with my donor. Then when they did the egg collection from the donor my husband went back to give a sperm sample. Then we went in for the transfer 5 days later. Hope that helps.

Oh I forgot we then went back for the viability scan when I was 7 weeks pregnant. At which point my care was transferred to NHS midwives

So glad I found this thread. I have a naturally conceived daughter about to turn 4. Been trying for number 2 for 2.5 years and have had 3 miscarriages in that time. Low AMH. Considered natural cycle IVF with my own eggs but very low success rates plus very intrusive - 3 rounds of egg collection. We are now seriously considering doner egg treatment in Greece. I'm indian and my husband is white. It does worry me that my donor will not be Indian however i'm hoping similar characteristics can be matched with Greek women. So much to think about in terms of how you will feel, relationship with existing child, family reaction etc. But I would rather try then think 'what if'.

How is everyone else getting on? Has anyone looked at clinics abroad or have experience with them?

@maxandru Hiya - I am going ahead with London Egg Bank and so far they have been very helpful!

@TTCnumbertwo1875 Hi! Seems like we have a very similar story! I had 2 miscarriages as well and 3 failed rounds of IVF. I am now going ahead with London Egg Bank but clutching to the hope of finding an Indian donor. The process has me mentally, physically and financially drained! Have you read The Daisy Networks book? It is very helpful for people diagnosed with POI.
How are you getting on?

Hi @TTCnumbertwo1875
sounds like we’re in a similar place. I’ve fallen pregnant twice but first was molar (massive nightmare!) then second was ectopic.

im currently waiting for ivf monitoring cycle at ARGC (irregular cycles & booked a summer hol in the middle, blah blah…). If that doesn’t work we are considering Spain for a donor cycle . The legal side is a bit different though as donors as anonymous (child can’t contact them at 18 like in uk). I’m not sure how I feel about that? Husband is keener, but someone told me it was “totally immoral” the other day so I’m a bit torn…..

@aaaarti do you mind me asking what the prices are like with London egg bank? I’ve been looking at Spain as it’s so much cheaper we could give it a couple of go’s rather than just one …

@maxandru Of course not - we've estimated it to be between 10 and 15k. This includes purchase of eggs, 1 transfer, meds and scans etc. We have saved a bit of money as we already had majority of our tests done at a previous clinic.
Regarding another person saying its totally immoral - I disagree. Every family is different and you have to do what's best for yours. In this thread previously, a lady came at me saying I'm not doing the right thing by hiding the truth but I personally would not want to tell a child who can't emotionally understand. I might not even tell them until an adult but whatever you decide, there is no right or wrong x

@maxandru I'm totally with you re cost. I do sometimes think would it be easier to do in UK for travel and being able to access donor info, but I also want to have enough money saved for 2 rounds. I'm learning that there is no right or wrong about a lot of this stuff, just what works for you and your family. The mental toll it takes is awful and it's so hard to think of the future.

For those of you with 1 child, how do you find meeting other families with 2+ kids through school/play groups? It gets me in the heart everytime - want more than anything a sibling for my girl and I'm dreading the day when she asks me why she doesn't have a brother/sister. Pray that DE journey gets us there 🙏

@TTCnumbertwo1875 I completely understand, my daughter is 4 and asking for a sibling which is heartbreaking. Coming from an Indian family, I haven't told anyone which makes me feel very lonely as well.
I hate seeing people pregnant with their second child as I feel so jealous that it's so easy for them!
Is finance the main reason you have chosen abroad? X

@aaaarti

yes, I really struggle with this too. I would love to have a sibling for my daughter. She pretends her doll is her sister 😭
A friend who had their first at the same time as us just announced the other day that they’re “probably going to have a third soon”. They became pregnant with #1 and #2 the first month of trying. The fact they had no idea how lucky they are really got to me.

@aaaarti @maxandru I relate so much to this. I dread being asked 'so when's number 2 coming'. A lot of my friends have either had or about to have their 2nd baby - I find it so hard and unfortunately have had to distance myself just to protect my own heart. Our lives are so different and I can't pretend to be excited and have lots of baby chat with them while my heart is breaking. Especially when my due date would have been around the same time.

My daughter is starting school this September and most of the families i've met so far have at least 2 kids :(

@aaaarti finance is a big factor for us. If we did it in the UK we would only have enough to fund one cycle, and the pessimist in me thinks it won't work first time. I'm in 2 minds about the anonymity - i'm not sure how I would feel being able to trace the donor. Have you been able to find an indian donor? How easy has it been or are there limited numbers?

Hello

Just wondering how everyone is getting on? Anyone made any progress towards baby number 2?

We are starting our monitoring cycle for IVF at ARGC this week ! 🤞
how are you getting on? X

@TTCnumbertwo1875 @maxandru @Mac425 I have been finding it really difficult recently - I think mostly it's my menopause symptoms? I'm very emotional and have sudden mood changes. Need to start looking at Donor egg profiles this week - the closest I've seen to Indian is Bangledeshi or Mauritiun.
Do you all have people to talk to in your personal lives about what you are going through?

@maxandru that's great. I hope it goes well and you get a positive outcome.

@aaaarti hopefully you find a suitable match soon. TBH I don't really have anyone to talk (expect from my husband) and I feel I am going through this on my own and no one really knows. Two of my friends know I had a couple of miscarriages but it is not spoken about and I have not mentioned about egg donors.

I am waiting to start IVF which should start at the end of the month.

That’s exciting that you’re going to start looking at Donor profiles this week. Fingers crossed you find something xxx

I speak to my husband of course but I find even this difficult- he’s very “let’s cross that bridge when we get to it” whereas I like to have plan A, B, C (D, F, G, etc).

I don’t speak to my parents since I overheard them discussing how ivf was unlikely to work for me as I’m “always so stressed and would never cope”… My mum also said my most recent miscarriage was “probably caused by stress” (actually it was ectopic) so I figured it was essier to stop involving them in the process!

@maxandru & @Mac425 @TTCnumbertwo1875 It's a very lonely world where no one understands. Happy to start a group chat if that helps?

Has anyone had any luck with finding their donor eggs?

@TTC79 I am still on the search. The London Egg clinic update their website every wendesday and we are now financially ready to purchase eggs and go ahead with it. The lack of Indian donors makes it harder for me to choose. How about you?

We are still thinking about what to do. I saw an Indian egg donor on the London Egg Bank today, go into there quickly and take a look because I know they get snapped up quickly.

@TTC79 The only thing is, that indian donor is a carrier of a spinal muscle (something). They would have to check my husband to make sure he's not a carrier to assess risks. I don't know wether to go down that route even if it's a 1% risk.

A group chat would be great.

Keep us updated on you're getting on. It's great to be able to start this next step.

@Mac425 yes, that’d be great!