Donor Egg for 2nd child

[aaaarti]

Hi all - I have a 4 year old daughter but after 2 miscarriages, I found out I have POI. So now after 3 failed IVF cycles, we are looking into donor eggs. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation as I'd love to have a chat! X

@GingerFox2021 Hiya - we went for frozen eggs at London Egg Bank and that's because we just wanted to get on with the process and they have new donors added onto the list every week. It's harder to find an Indian donor so if we went with fresh we would've waited ages for that person to come along and there might have been others waiting before us. Hope this helps.

Thank you, @Donimo @aaaarti. I’m anxious how all this will go. Let’s see. We off for tests and sperm freezing at the beginning of February. Taking our little one too as we don’t have anyone to look after her.

Hi all, could I join your group for some support and help 🙏
We are ttc number 3 for 2 years, will be 42 in April. Had lots of chemical pregnancies, and 2 egg collections but all 6 embryos uneuploid.. We are still doing 3d one, possibly 4th but that is it. Next is donor egg route..

You probably will ask why.. I have an older daughter from previous relationship when I was very young, biological father doesn't have the rights (didn't want), also 9yr old with my husband. So we are already a mixed family. My son only recently was told that sister has a different biological father. They both have very close warm relationship.

We always wanted 3, but delayed for husband's job, covid, moving a country..you name it.. And then realised I was turning 40!

My worry is how and if to tell family, and actually here I mean the closest. I don't want a child to have a tag, ivf or fonor is not something they come actually or like even know! My in-laws always treated my daughter as a separate from us, kind of they were nice but wouldn't miss a moment to mention or treat her worse. For them genetics and genes, there family is the most important 😔 My parents were really upset about it. My husband treats her as daughter, not a step daughter.
So that's why I don't want to tell anyone (apart my older daughter who is young adult), till the kid is really old and mature...10 yesrs or around. I want everyone to establish relationship with a child wo bias.
Family and parents in another country.

But I do want this option that the kid can contact, so looking to do in the UK (we now live in Europe).

Could you share which clinic would have less waiting time and work with a hood egg bank? London or very close by train/bus.

Sorry for the long post xx

Hiya @TT82 of course, message me your number and I will add you in.

Completely understand your want for another child, it's all personal do no one can judge that.
That is really sad that your in laws are like that. I know many will disagree with me but I stick to not telling my family (they don't even know I'm menopausal or going down ivf route let alone egg donor).

I have gone through London Egg Bank. I have scans and blood tests at the London Bridge clinic and actual procedures at Harley Street.

I had a miscarriage with my first transfer just before Christmas and I just had my second transfer on Monday. The clinic have been great and really helpful. They also have new donors added onto the site every week and it's a live database that you can check.

I hope all of this helps and wishing you all the luck.

X

@aaaarti thank you!!!
My best wishes for this transfer, hope a sticky little bean ❤️
Yes, I understand you and think we will be in the same camp not telling, at least first years. I did researched and read the donor network website, and fully agree we need to do what is best for the child.. But I actually think in sone circumstances better to keep it private till the kid old enough to decide.

I will have a look at London egg bank and clinics. We are considering Czech Republic clinics too. One day I want non-anonymous, next day change my mind 🙈

Hi everyone, I'm sorry to share this but I'm in such a weird position. As I've mentioned on here before, we're planning to do donor eggs (via altrui) for a second child. We were all set to do this last spring, had a donor, and the month before we were about to start, I got pregnant naturally which was a shock. (This even though I had no pregnancies in a year of trying after having my son, now 4, and five rounds of IVF that all failed with few eggs collected. I have very low AMH too). Our donor was therefore matched to someone else understandably, but I had a miscarriage after 8 weeks. Then we pick ourselves back up slowly, commit to Altrui again, find a new donor, and she's supposed to start treatment next month. And I've just found out I'm pregnant again. I feel nothing but dread, I have such low expecations and fear going through a miscarriage again (it would be my 4th). But we also just can't believe these pregnancies are happening now, when nothing happened in two years of trying naturally/IVF, and now I'm older - just turned 42, whereas I'd just turned 39 when we tried for a year with nothing. It's such a mind f*ck and I don't even know what to say.

Does anyone know anyone who has been through this while on donor egg waitlist? I also don't know what to tell Altrui - I fear when I tell them they will rematch our donor, so if this ends in miscarriage we will be back to square one again. Ugh. And just feeling so anxious as we wait for the first scan.

@aaaarti I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage before Christmas, that is really awful, but that's so brilliant you were able to have a new transfer so quickly. Keeping everything crossed for you and this one has every likelihood of working. When do you get to take a test?

@Lola245 sorry you are in a stressful situation, but tgere is a chance it can be a successful one!
I don't have experience with donors as starting researching and considering now.. But I do have experience of dekayee IVF due to pregnancy which was chemical.. i am also near 42, last 2 years had 4! And still cannot stop trying naturally...what if this cycle a golden egg one 🙈

I hope you get the supporting answers from your clinic and fingers crossed for you!!

Delayed IVF, sorry lots of typos

Hi all, wanted to ask what are donor egg companies in the UK apart from London bank? I have registered with London bank one, got an initial call and now have the idea how it works.
But was wondering what other options in the UK? Xx

@TT82 I'd look into Altrui, which matches you with UK donors. We've used them - not successful yet and it can take quite a long time but I think they're good. And some clinics have waiting lists for donors I think, like Lister and CRGH (but their waitlist is really very long). And thanks for the kind words - trying to stay positive without getting any hopes up...

Thank you @Lola245 ! Will research them. No, long waiting lists not preferred option.. I also read that Portugal offers non-anonymous too, I look more like ftom that area (even though not 🙈), maybe will be faster to find one.

Stay positive!! Xx

@Lola245 @aaaarti hi, how are you doing? Any good news? 🙏
I am starting downregg pill tomorrow for the 3d (probably last) EC..

Hey @TT82 - my first transfer ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks and my 2nd transfer, I had my negative test result this Monday. I stopped taking my meds and now waiting for the bleed.
When will you have your EC? Wishing you all the best for that!

@aaaarti sorry to read that 😔 do you have more embryos in the freezer? What does the dr say?
I just hoped at least donor route is easier.. Potential EC - first week of March, lets see how tge stimulation goes.
Take care of yourself xx

@aaaarti I'm so sorry to hear that... so disappointing. It's such a long journey but I'm sure will work out soon. How many embryos do you have?

@Lola245 thanks so much for sharing your journey, I find myself in a very similar situation, ttc No 2 with a 3.5yo conceived naturally and the past 18 months have had 2 miscarriages and 4 rounds of unsuccessful ivf (4 egg retrievals but no normal embryos to transfer). I am 41. We have been contemplating DEs for a while and this week our clinic said in their opinion it's out only option so I'm registered with the London Egg Bank but would like to also continue trying naturally in parallel and terrified I am just going to have more miscarriages.

If you feel like sharing I would really appreciate hearing where your journey took you next? Xx

We have officially started the DE treatment. I’m on some medicines tablets, will do the lining scan next week and then they can plan the transfer date.
It’s both exciting and scary at the same time.

@GingerFox2021 snap! Got my scan next week and hopefully transfer the following week. This is my third double donor transfer trying for a sibling. Good luck!

@GingerFox2021 @Kirsty23052023 wonderful news, please do keep us posted how you get on. Thinking of you.

Have you thought about how you would tell your families (I am thinking once I am pregnant we would sit both sets of parents down and explain the whole journey and hope they would be supportive but I do really fear they won't understand and will - at least when we are not around - be critical of our choices and that is one of the main things holding me back. They are in their late 70s/ early 80s so what can I expect really. I do worry about me / DC child being considered "less" and while that is no reason not to do it it does cause me some anxiety, be great to hear how you did/will manage anything like that).

@RainbowSeeker83 if I’m lucky with the pregnancy, I’d tell my family after the child is born. My partner is the same.
My family would not understand this at all and I wouldn’t want additional stress and questions during pregnancy.
But I know, my family would love the child the same as my daughter. It’s just that initial unknown process for them. they’d think we are insane, crazy, don’t have where to spend money etc. and wouldn’t understand my need for the 2nd child 🤷‍♀️.

Hi all - unfortunately my journey came to an end with my 3rd and 4th transfer with 2x embryos didn't implant.
We had a difficult decision to make which was let's stop or do tests. We have decided to do a few tests which LEB have said to do. I will be doing a saline scan, if normal then go ahead with implantation clinic. If abnormal then a hysteroscopy - all of these will obviously cost another 4/5k. I feel so heartbroken and defeated. X

@aaaarti I'm so sorry, nothing on this journey ever seems straightforward. I wish you good luck with the tests, perhaps also a change of donor would help. It's so tough with everything out of pocket too on top of the emotional devastation.

I'm so sorry for your failed transfers. It is abnormal to have this many failed transfers, specially with donor since they are younger than us.

Have you looked into immune treatment? I would get a hysteroscopy, biopsy for endometritis and NK cells. NK cells could be making your body reject the embryo. They could also do the transfer with the Bondi Protocol which consists of blood thinners, aspirin, steroids, high level progesterone, etc. good luck.

@aaaarti I also read the thread. If you're Indian, it would be much cheaper to you to go to India and do all this there once you finish all your testings.