I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

[Broken12]

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

Ask them and find out ☺️. Once you’re settled sort out your money and see what options you’ve got come the new season in august

I'm lucky that I have a financial adviser so she will help me.

Tbh, I've used AI too and found it more helpful than I thought it would be 🤔 I also used it when I was talking about a work and housing problem, and it was quite objective.

Hi @Broken12 , how are you? You just came to mind today and I realised you'd not posted for a while.

Hi @Broken12 I'm doing pretty well , thank you. Don’t get me wrong, still have a wobble every now and again where I go back to being in disbelief but they are short lived now. I absolutely love just being able to do whatever I want with the kids without having to persuade him to do it. We have been so many new places and had so much fun. Yes sometimes it hard just me and the kids when out about when they both want to do different things but not hard enough to stop me from doing it.

we are co patently reasonably well- we only talk when we need to about the kids. It still frustrates me that he doesn’t do anything wirh them aside from going the park a couple of times but that’s him who’s missing out, now me.

how are you @Broken12?

You sound like you're doing well. I've been following your thread since my husband announced he wanted a divorce at the end of January. I've read the whole thing. I find it's helpful to see the journey you've been on over the past year from feeling rejected and devastated, to now. It gives me hope that things do get brighter. Right now, 11 weeks post separation, I feel as though I've hit rock bottom. However stbx hasn't even started dating other women yet, so the thought of when that starts that fills me with sheer panic. As I can't imagine feeling worse than I already do, so that might be too much. I feel as though I'm in a pit of depression after initially managing well the first couple of months. It may be because I'm packing all my stuff to move out. Moving date should be in the next week or two, which is terrifying. It's making it more real and final.. I feel so, so lonely. I'm scared of only having my kids 50% of the time too once I move out. So to see you feeling better as time goes on really does help.

Aw that is good to hear, I realise it's just over a year since you started your thread - what a year it has been for you !

Where is he living now ? and does he see the children frequently ?

I promise that even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, it will get better and you will be happy again. I found milestones always made me go downhill again (for me they were telling my daughter (youngest too young to understand) and him moving out. And then when we finally had a proper routine and he started having them more. I had a wobble the other day and a little cry during a walk but within an hour I was ‘over it’. I recognise it’s always when he has the kids (not all the time but any wobble is when they’re not with me) so I’m working on myself during my time alone. I’ve actually booked a sky dive for the end of June…something Ive always wanted to do but never got round to it, well now is my time 💪🏻

my ex is not dating as far as I know but tbh we don’t talk so maybe he is 🤷🏻‍♀️

take it one day at a time still, 11 weeks is still early on and it’s still so raw. Focus on today and take one day at a time. I’m happy to talk anytime if you want a rant, cry or just a chat with someone who can understand some of what you’re going through.

What a year indeed! A year I never thought would ever happen but here we are!

he’s renting 30 mins away and we’ve just increased his nights so he has them at his 5/14 nights and then does bedtime at mine 1/14. It’s working at the moment.

he has booked to take them abroad end of May (to see his mom who lives abroad) so I’m dreading that but they’ll have an amazing time and I know that’s the most important thing x

You are doing so well @Broken12 especially co-parenting with a useless father. I'm moving out of the marital home in a few days and after Monday will never have to see my ex h again. He's been a completely useless father and I can't say more or I will get angry and upset. He was useless before he got with someone new so can't blame being with her.

Counting down to Monday with you. I imagine Altho it may hurt again, it will also be a massive relief knowing you’ll never have to see him again. You’ve got this x

I just think he is the most pathetic inadequate person I've ever met. He thinks he's won no doubt now he has a "normal" girlfriend but I've won. I'll be near my friends, someone very special and important and near enough so one of my kids can come and see the cats whenever he wants without it costing silly money.

I can't get my head round his new GF. Divorced, then widowed, now with a cheating, cruel abandoning father.

I'm sure how it will go or how I'll feel but I'm planning on saying as little as possible and not being near him more than I have to. There's no point saying what I'd like to.

Thanks @Broken12 .

No I’ve learnt sharing my thoughts is just a waste of time with him. A couple of days and good riddance to him!

Absolutely!

@BirthdayRainbow - I hope the move went as well as it can.❤

You say "I can't get my head round his new GF. Divorced, then widowed, now with a cheating, cruel abandoning father." - she may not be aware of this, or has chosen to ignore it. I'm not defending her, but I think a lot of people - women more than men - think that 'they are the difference' and 'it won't happen to them, because things will be different with me'. I was one of those women who despite being aware of the cheating, abusive past of my ex, I thought it wouldn't happen to me and that things would be different. Hahahahaha! 😂Karma! It wasn't different, of course. Also, we don't know the narrative he's told her, either.

I pity the GF my ex bounced between for over 2 years - he's back with her after our break up last November. I pity her because I know how this will roll, no matter what either of them think - and I bet inside, you know how it will go down with your ex too. So for me, I laugh about it! I think it's only a matter of time...and by then I and you will have moved on sufficiently to have a smirk about it, but other than that not give a fuck. 😁

To add to this, one of the things that really puts me off having a future relationship at my age (54) is that those in my age range will be feeding me their narratives and I would LOVE to hear what their ex's have to say because I bet it's very different...! I then think I CBA to go through that myself again and why change things if I'm happy now?

Thanks @Spooky2000 . I've not gone yet, but very soon. She knows it all as he told her when they were friends and then she decided she wanted him as a boyfriend. I'm devastated as he told her really private stuff which was very painful when I experienced it and again when he told me he'd told her. He also told the woman he had an affair with so he knew how I'd feel about his disclosure.

He's told me she is the one but he won't get married again.

I can move on knowing that while I'd rather what caused the divorce hadn't happened, it wouldn't have been right to have been living in ignorance and that I've got the better deal as I have someone extremely special and important in my life. I'd never tell ex though as it would hurt him. If it ends with this person I definitely will not be interested in anyone else.

@Broken12 how are you doing?

@Spooky2000 how are you now?

I’m doing quite well…kids are away with their dad this week. Was absolutely dreading it but I’ve kept myself really busy doing stuff in the house and seeing friends so it’s not been anywhere near as bad as I imagined. How are you doing?

Keeping busy is the key @Broken12 but get enough rest too.

I've moved and love it here. My neighbours are welcoming and so helpful. I've lost weight as I'm not stressed. Ex messaged on Wednesday which did annoy me but I read it yesterday and it was just about the bank. I had the worst nights sleep I've had in ages last night so I'm blaming him but in two days time the last connection will be cut and no reason for any interaction. He's still being a crap dad. I hate him and have zero respect for him. He had the bloody check to also text that he hoped I was okay. Why??!

I’ve also watched quite a lot of tv and after today would have been out for 4 meals 🤣

oh I’ll be countdown down those 2 days with you! Glad you’re enjoying your new place and have nice neighbours ☺️

oh that’s annoying! I just got understand some men and what goes through their heads!

I've just drained my pasta for my dinner and the lid moved so the sink has my dinner.

I don't know if I'll get notification firm the bank but I'm looking forward to cutting up the card. I'm. It impressed one person can close a joint account though, what if I had no money?

I ignored him saying he hoped I was okay. I don't care how he is and I don't want him caring about me, much much too late.

Same here…couldn’t care less how my ex is!

I am annoyed that it's got me thinking though @Broken12 . I don't want him back, miss him, have any feelings for him or want any contact with him at all. I think I'm just annoyed as he hasn't shown any care about what he's done.

Yes it still annoys me how my ex can just go on without seeming to have a care in the world!