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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

801 replies

Broken12 · 11/04/2024 07:06

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 23/12/2024 15:12

Thank you all. I know 2025 will also be full of ups and downs but the light has arrived now and things I miss are things I didn’t have anyway (but was living in hope for/pretending I did)

@BirthdayRainbow take those few hours Xmas afternoon to sit and watch some Xmas rubbish or sort the house and count down to getting your kids back.

I hope everyone has an amazing 2025, we’ve got this 💪🏻

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/12/2024 16:54

That's a good plan @Broken12 , I've set the box to record some tv so I've got distractions. I doubt they'll stay long after I've left anyway.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/12/2024 17:00

BirthdayRainbow · 23/12/2024 16:54

That's a good plan @Broken12 , I've set the box to record some tv so I've got distractions. I doubt they'll stay long after I've left anyway.

I’ve got Gavin and Stacey and Tiddler (🤣) set to record but need to sit and see what else there’s on worth watching!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/12/2024 17:06

I've not watched those. I've set Paddington, Strictly, Call the Midwife, Notting Hill and Grease. Stupid that last two as they'll make me melancholy but not about ex so that's better though the pain is worse.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/12/2024 21:09

Sit and enjoy them all with a glass of wine of a hot choc!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/12/2024 22:43

I will!

Youve done so well @Broken12 .

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 11:29

How is everyone doing?

so I had my first little set back…I’d actually started dating someone. It was an old friend and it happened out of the blue between Xmas and new year. We had about 5 dates and it went no further than dates out and kissing. I was enjoying it. Well it ended today…he’s going through counselling (he is also going through divorce) and has said he’s realised he’s not in a good place right now and doesn’t want things to go further when he can’t fully commit right now. I fully respect him for telling me and have no bad feelings (I had a niggle in my head that the timing wasn’t right) towards him, genuinely but can’t help but feel rubbish. It was so nice to have a bit of excitement in my life again but thought of online dating and getting to know a stranger is terrifying still.

i don’t know, is just a reminder of how alone I am x

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 11:31

just read my post on here from the 23rd December when I said was doing well and happy (this was before any of this happened) and guess I need to get back to that place

OP posts:
NZDreaming · 01/02/2025 11:33

@Broken12 dont be disheartened, this actually sounds like a fairly positive experience for your first go at dipping your toe in the dating pool. He was respectful, communicated clearly and didn’t string you along. It’s obviously not fun having someone break things off but it is the nature of dating. Try to reframe it in your head as a learning experience, a confidence boost that you can do this and that men can be decent.

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 11:52

NZDreaming · 01/02/2025 11:33

@Broken12 dont be disheartened, this actually sounds like a fairly positive experience for your first go at dipping your toe in the dating pool. He was respectful, communicated clearly and didn’t string you along. It’s obviously not fun having someone break things off but it is the nature of dating. Try to reframe it in your head as a learning experience, a confidence boost that you can do this and that men can be decent.

Thank you. I wasn’t looking for anything when it happened, we were out as friends and afterwards both said it felt like a date and things went from there. Maybe it was a good distraction from reality for us both.

still don’t feel ready for online dating, the thought of getting to know a stranger just isn’t at all appealing right now but yes, I guess it was a good dip back in the pool x

OP posts:
NZDreaming · 01/02/2025 12:14

@Broken12 theres no rush. It was a good opportunity to gauge how you feel about dating and you had an enjoyable time together. It doesn’t mean you have to now put yourself out there, especially with OLD. Maybe someone will organically present themselves to you again in time but you don’t have to focus on finding someone right now. You’ve been through a lot and just focusing on you and your kids is enough.

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 12:20

NZDreaming · 01/02/2025 12:14

@Broken12 theres no rush. It was a good opportunity to gauge how you feel about dating and you had an enjoyable time together. It doesn’t mean you have to now put yourself out there, especially with OLD. Maybe someone will organically present themselves to you again in time but you don’t have to focus on finding someone right now. You’ve been through a lot and just focusing on you and your kids is enough.

Thank you. It was just nice to have some excitement and look forward to things again. But even whilst it was happening I was annoyed it was because of a man. I want to feel like that without one. That’s my focus now

OP posts:
Scaredx · 01/02/2025 13:38

Wow, what a turn around. Fantastic snd well done broken12. Hope for us all x

BirthdayRainbow · 01/02/2025 14:28

Ah @Broken12 lovely to see you, I lost my list.

It was lovely to read you'd met someone but what a shame he decided to end things. As you said, it's not a criticism of him as he has been honest and not let things go on when he's not feeling ready. I hope you can take it as a boost for being strong enough to live a new life.

You will feel happy without a man. I felt happy today and it was because of my dog! I'd be doing worse without her but I know I'm okay with myself as well at times.. Allow yourself time. This is a loss.

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 15:29

Thank you. Guess it just brings up old feelings. Thought it was to good to be true!

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 01/02/2025 17:29

Just read your thread @BrBroken12 it was hard to read actually as I'm in almost the same situation.
I recognise all the feelings you're having so much.
It's all so unfair isn't it.

BirthdayRainbow · 01/02/2025 17:43

Broken12 · 01/02/2025 15:29

Thank you. Guess it just brings up old feelings. Thought it was to good to be true!

It wasn't too good to be true. It was lovely while it lasted and he's 100% done the right thing. I know you miss him it he's done right by both of you. It would be helpful to stop thinking of it in the way that you are.

Queencam · 01/02/2025 19:13

Broken12 · 01/02/2025 12:20

Thank you. It was just nice to have some excitement and look forward to things again. But even whilst it was happening I was annoyed it was because of a man. I want to feel like that without one. That’s my focus now

Show quote history

Love this xx you’ve got the right mindset

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/02/2025 20:54

Thanks both. I’ve had a busy day but just got into bed and probably going to have a little cry. Doesn’t help that my babies are at their dads so just feeling very alone again. It was so nice to have that little spark and feel wanted again.

@Helpagirlout222 in so sorry you’re going through this. I found mumsnet so helpful to talk to others who have been through similar. It’s why it was one of the first places I turned to this morning. You are going to have many lows but I promise you’ll be ok. I don’t look at my ex in the same way at all now, once the rose tinted glasses come off you see so much that you were blind to before x

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 01/02/2025 22:04

Thanks @Broken12 !
Sorry things haven't worked out.
I can totally see how that would feel so nice.
It's comforting but extremely depressing to see how many people have gone through the same!

Ironironiron · 02/02/2025 00:36

Hi OP, someone on here directed me to your thread as a ray of hope to see how you have cone a long way in a year.
A friend of mine always used to say that when things are bad it's just a temporary blip. Although I don't feel like that at the moment, you actually look like you've been really strong and the thing with the new relationship not being ideal at the moment is maybe just a little dip.
The thing where you said you can go anywhere with your dcs without yr DH being moody and not having to be on eggshells is how things have been for me.
Thank you for sharing your journey on here. Hopefully I can be as strong as you although I'm a million miles away from it at the moment.

Original poster
Broken12 · 02/02/2025 06:33

@Helpagirlout222 and @Ironironiron i promise you will both get there. I’ll be honest it’s been really, really hard to the point of having suicidal thoughts at one stage. You’ve got to take it one day at a time and let yourself feel the lows. Then remember who you’re doing this for - yourself and your kids of you have them and that will get you through each day. You will then start to see the joy in life and see so many silver linings. We are all here for you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 02/02/2025 07:13

I’ve just read through all my posts on here to remind myself how far I’ve come. Wow. I’m going to be fine. It’s my daughters party today so I’m going to get up and start prepping and have a bloody good day. Then I’m going to continue to enjoy my life with me babies and see what life throws my way. I hope everyone has a good day today.

Us women can do anything 💪🏻

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 02/02/2025 08:25

What a lovely post @Broken12
@Ironironiron I'm not there yet either...funny thing is I felt like I was, then it all seemed to fall to bits again. Definitely 1 step forward 3 steps back at the moment!

Queencam · 02/02/2025 08:25

Hope your DD has a brilliant party OP. You are brave, brilliant and oh so resilient x