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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

801 replies

Broken12 · 11/04/2024 07:06

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

OP posts:
Marylou62 · 02/02/2025 08:47

YOU ROCK OP!!
I've just read your whole thread after it came up in another post.
I'm in awe of your strength.
May you continue finding yourself and growing stronger everyday, setting an example to your precious DCs.
Meanwhile ... I can't say I wish your XH any harm but I truly hope he regrets losing you.. Every. Single. Day.
(I don't know why it's suddenly italic! Sorry)

Original poster
Broken12 · 02/02/2025 08:52

Marylou62 · 02/02/2025 08:47

YOU ROCK OP!!
I've just read your whole thread after it came up in another post.
I'm in awe of your strength.
May you continue finding yourself and growing stronger everyday, setting an example to your precious DCs.
Meanwhile ... I can't say I wish your XH any harm but I truly hope he regrets losing you.. Every. Single. Day.
(I don't know why it's suddenly italic! Sorry)

This made me cry, thank you x

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/02/2025 11:39

Look how far you have come ! and your thread isn't a year old yet.

Helpagirlout222 · 02/02/2025 12:27

@Broken12 can I ask.. how did you get used to not having DH to talk to when times are tough?
As ridiculous as it sounds, I still want to talk to him as he was always the person who helped me. Or when something funny or nice happens my instinct is to tell him.
Does this wear off?

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 02/02/2025 13:20

Marylou62 · 02/02/2025 08:47

YOU ROCK OP!!
I've just read your whole thread after it came up in another post.
I'm in awe of your strength.
May you continue finding yourself and growing stronger everyday, setting an example to your precious DCs.
Meanwhile ... I can't say I wish your XH any harm but I truly hope he regrets losing you.. Every. Single. Day.
(I don't know why it's suddenly italic! Sorry)

I'm the same, I've just read through your thread and wow, what a difference in you. You are an amazing woman, a bloody amazing mum and are now such a help to other women going through what you have.

Luke MaryLou I don't wish (much) ill on your ex. Just that his next shite is a hedgehog 🦔 😂

BirthdayRainbow · 02/02/2025 13:38

We would all do well to remember what ever is happening right now is just a moment in time. My friend told me this when I was suicidal. My Nana always used to say that good and bad, nothing lasts forever. It would annoy me as of course I wanted the good times to last forever but she was right.

Men are just people the same as us. They don't hold any magic or special powers that society seeks to give them..

Original poster
Broken12 · 02/02/2025 20:43

Helpagirlout222 · 02/02/2025 12:27

@Broken12 can I ask.. how did you get used to not having DH to talk to when times are tough?
As ridiculous as it sounds, I still want to talk to him as he was always the person who helped me. Or when something funny or nice happens my instinct is to tell him.
Does this wear off?

It’s bloody hard at first but yes, it does wear off. For me it was when I found out my dad had cancer (he had the all clear last week) and he didn’t even ask me how I was. I realised then there’s no point in sharing anything with him anymore as he doesn’t really care. It did make me feel lonely but I opened up to friend more and learned to cope

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 02/02/2025 20:44

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 02/02/2025 13:20

I'm the same, I've just read through your thread and wow, what a difference in you. You are an amazing woman, a bloody amazing mum and are now such a help to other women going through what you have.

Luke MaryLou I don't wish (much) ill on your ex. Just that his next shite is a hedgehog 🦔 😂

Show quote history

Thank you. I have to remind myself this sometimes. Today was my daughters bday party which I planned all by Myself and she’s had the best day!

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 02/02/2025 21:03

So nice she had a lovely day! I felt so proud when I'd managed Xmas!
Yes knowing he's not interested is such a weird feeling, I can't imagine being able to switch off like that. Men can obviously do it!

PinkGorilla · 03/02/2025 16:49

Broken12 · 01/02/2025 20:54

Thanks both. I’ve had a busy day but just got into bed and probably going to have a little cry. Doesn’t help that my babies are at their dads so just feeling very alone again. It was so nice to have that little spark and feel wanted again.

@Helpagirlout222 in so sorry you’re going through this. I found mumsnet so helpful to talk to others who have been through similar. It’s why it was one of the first places I turned to this morning. You are going to have many lows but I promise you’ll be ok. I don’t look at my ex in the same way at all now, once the rose tinted glasses come off you see so much that you were blind to before x

I hope I can start to look back and take the rose tinted glasses off. It's only been 5 days, but all I can do is hate myself for taking him for granted and speaking to him like crap. He's finally filed for divorce. I've ruined the best thing I ever had (apart from our children).

Original poster
Broken12 · 03/02/2025 19:46

Helpagirlout222 · 02/02/2025 21:03

So nice she had a lovely day! I felt so proud when I'd managed Xmas!
Yes knowing he's not interested is such a weird feeling, I can't imagine being able to switch off like that. Men can obviously do it!

I have no idea how they can do it either!

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 03/02/2025 19:47

PinkGorilla · 03/02/2025 16:49

I hope I can start to look back and take the rose tinted glasses off. It's only been 5 days, but all I can do is hate myself for taking him for granted and speaking to him like crap. He's finally filed for divorce. I've ruined the best thing I ever had (apart from our children).

Show quote history

You will, but it will take time. Make a note of everything you wasn’t happy with and use it to read when you’re having a wobble x

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 05/02/2025 19:03

Weird day today…started off rubbish after an argument over nothing with the ex which just put me in a rubbish mood. Then I pulled myself together and was on a real high and passed a big exam at work. Then come my parents and just hit me that I don’t have anyone to share it with and feel like utter rubbish 😞 early night is needed!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 05/02/2025 19:07

You've got us to share your news with @Broken12 ! Congratulations on passing your exam. Well done ⭐️

Queencam · 05/02/2025 19:19

well done OP sounds like you smashed it xx sorry it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster today, but give yourself a huge pat on the back. You have come so far and you’re doing so so well.

NZDreaming · 05/02/2025 22:09

@Broken12 congratulations! Well done you

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 06/02/2025 07:08

Well done OP. You're doing amazing ❤️🫂

House4DS · 06/02/2025 08:40

@Broken12 there's always someone to share with. Massive congratulations on your exam pass!
DD had some amazing news last week - I spotted my neighbour at the window, knocked and said I had to tell someone the news but had noone to talk to - she gave me a massive hug and was almost as excited as me.
Share with whoever is nearest! Or here, or both!

Original poster
Broken12 · 06/02/2025 09:10

Thank you all ❤️

@House4DS aaah that’s so lovely! Congratulations to you and your daughter!

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 06/02/2025 18:53

Evening all! This is kind of just a massive brain dump in a place I know people will understand and also because I don’t really have anyone to reach out to in real life real now for various reasons.

God this weeks been a rollercoaster. My head is all over the place. Bouncing between feeling invincible to being on the verge of tears. I know it’s been triggered by my dating situation ending but feel like it would have happened anyway now as I’ve been so focus on Xmas and kids bdays the last few months and now that’s all done. I don’t know. I just feel so lonely.

i felt on a high whilst dating - it was so nice having stuff to look forward to, talking about future plans erc. Was that the excitement of Just having the potential to do things or was it him? I’m scared it was him and that chance has gone now. Altho sometimes I think maybe we both need to be single longer, focus on ourselves then we could fall madly in love in the summer. It’s nice to have hope but false hope can also destroy your soul - I lived in hope for to long with my ex and it broke me in the end and obviously got me no where. I’ve been reading through old messages prior to Xmas and know I need to her back to that head space and know it takes time. I just hate that time is the only way.

sorry for the brain dump! Just needed to get it al out!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 06/02/2025 19:20

It's like you're coming down from the crash of euphoria. You are smashing it alone, you met someone new which gave you a zest for life again and a glimpse of a new future. Then he ends it and reality kicks in another man has hurt you and you're back to being alone. But no man is better than the wrong man and you're never truly alone. You have us, your kids and your own strength.

I felt so relieved when I shut the door on ex that I cheered and got on with my day. I then had lots of downs as the reality of what he's caused hit home. I'm mainly up more than down but pain hurts and there's no getting away from that.

Meanwhile he's living for free with his mummy and has a new girlfriend. Does zero with his kids and just moans. And needs sleeping pills. Apparently.

Helpagirlout222 · 06/02/2025 20:21

Can completely relate! I'm not as far down the line as you, but i had a holiday, kids birthdays, Xmas and kept on pushing through them all, feeling really good most of the time.
It's all come crashing down with a thump now, in terms of how positive I feel (which is not at all anymore)

Original poster
Broken12 · 06/02/2025 20:27

Thank you both. @BirthdayRainbow that’s exactly how it feels. Such a high then it came crashing down again.

I know logically I’ll be ok, this is nothing compared to my real break up, it’s just a blip I’ve got to deal with but oh why can’t life just be a fairy tale for a little while again 🙈

@Helpagirlout222 its hard to know what to do….do we keep planning things as a distraction or to ‘enjoy life’ or to truly heal do we need to slow down and let ourselves be alone? Or do we ever truly heal? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 06/02/2025 20:53

Make your own fairytale. You're living it as you're no longer with an inadequate man.

Helpagirlout222 · 06/02/2025 22:56

Broken12 · 06/02/2025 20:27

Thank you both. @BirthdayRainbow that’s exactly how it feels. Such a high then it came crashing down again.

I know logically I’ll be ok, this is nothing compared to my real break up, it’s just a blip I’ve got to deal with but oh why can’t life just be a fairy tale for a little while again 🙈

@Helpagirlout222 its hard to know what to do….do we keep planning things as a distraction or to ‘enjoy life’ or to truly heal do we need to slow down and let ourselves be alone? Or do we ever truly heal? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't know @Broken12
I think i unintentionally didn't give myself a chance to properly process it, but also in a way the "novelty" has worn off. I had a bit of fun with the DC making little changes round the house and things like that...now it's just the reality of the hard graft of raising kids and running a house alone!