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Original poster

Stay at Home........

336 replies

Acesulfame · 01/03/2021 13:48

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?

OP posts:
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8
ConeHat · 02/03/2021 15:35

@110APiccadilly

You should share a reminder of the rules on your Facebook page. Followed the next day by a photo that shows you broke them. (Yes, true story.)
How about if your Aunt personally appeals to the Brizilian variant infected person on her closed, private FB page, knowing no one personally that has been further than their local Tesco?

Now that is how you go above and beyound. It inspired me to preach and implore anyone on my FB to hand themselves in to the authorities if they had heard of Brazil.

Her post was very convincing and got lots of "hear, hear!" Posts. So even better if none of your SM followers know how privacy settings work.

OliveTree75 · 02/03/2021 15:44

How about if your Aunt personally appeals to the Brizilian variant infected person on her closed, private FB page, knowing no one personally that has been further than their local Tesco?

GrinGrinGrin

HesterShaw1 · 02/03/2021 15:45

This thread is gold :o

hamstersarse · 02/03/2021 15:58

Given I have STAYED THE FUCK AT HOME, I’m patiently waiting for my medal commemorating my brave battle in saving so many lives.

Then its straight on my Facebook profile

I’d also be expecting some form of knighthood given I’ve snitched out my neighbours on multiple occasions for seeing their grand children. It’s really no defence that they have a terminal illness. I was saving lives and expressing my loyalty and fellowship to our fellow countrymen

KeepWashingThoseHands · 02/03/2021 16:00

@ConeHat

Offering ‘immunity’ (made my self chuckle there Wink) for potential carriers of the Brazilian variant to come forward is definitely extra points.

That lady should be on crime watch.

turquoisewaters · 02/03/2021 16:03

What's the point of opening ironic posts like these?

Hasn't everyone had enough of them, how are they helping?

BeastOfBODMAS · 02/03/2021 16:04

@Neverspeakofthisagain

How to know if you are just staying at home or staying ‘the fuck’ at home.

Score a point for every statement that you answer ‘yes’ to:

  1. I have stayed in and ‘despaired’ at the Covidiots for the vast majority of the past year
  2. I have a Facebook profile that includes pictures of Rainbows/Captain Tom/NHS in a love heart/’I’m getting the vaccine’! slogan/’Stay at Home & Save Lives’ logo
  3. I REFUSED to ‘Eat Out to Help Out’
  4. I have cobbled together a meal from dry husks of bread, a soft aubergine and margarine rather than go shopping as I considered this trip ‘non-essential’.
  5. I have reported the suspicious ‘comings and goings’ of various neighbours/friends/family members
  6. I was disappointed that we were allowed to bubble on Christmas day and declined suggestions from my family to meet up.
  7. I have taken all my exercise in the form of rural walks between the hours of 3am-5am whilst wearing a WWII gas mask.
  8. I shake with rage at the sight of anyone going about their day in a carefree and happy manner.
  9. I was happy to Clap for Carers and was disappointed when it all stopped as I would have continued to clap for the entire year.
  10. I have been referred to as a Covid Martyr by at least one person.
  11. I regularly post on threads where people are discussing something else entirely to double check/question their reference to ‘going out’ or having ‘someone round’ to ensure that they are not in breach of The Rules.
  12. I have a summary of The Rules as well as Boris’ Pathway, on my fridge which I have decorated with rainbows.

Now add up your scores.

0-3. You are not even staying home, never mind ‘staying the fuck’ home.
3-6. Slightly better, but you might want to make sure you don’t accidently ‘pop out’ for loo roll – nothing wrong with newspaper.
6-9. You are ‘Staying Home’
9-12. Congratulations. You are Staying ‘The Fuck’ home.

Newspaper? Hardly an essential item.

If you’ve not wiped your arse with the Kindle yet, you’ve not Stayed The Fuck At Home

Fridget · 02/03/2021 16:06

@IcedPurple

Also, I hate the Americanism 'Stay home', but then I have an irrational dislike of gratuitous Americanisms!
I also hate stay home - in fact I can almost forgive someone saying “the fuck” as long as they include an “at” before “home”!

I said almost.

DuchessOfHastings123 · 02/03/2021 16:07

@turquoisewaters

What's the point of opening ironic posts like these?

Hasn't everyone had enough of them, how are they helping?

You're right. No laughing during the pandemic. That also helps your stay the fuck home score!
Dutchesss · 02/03/2021 16:10

Hasn't everyone had enough of them, how are they helping?

It helped me plenty Grin

ThePlantsitter · 02/03/2021 16:11

@turquoisewaters

What's the point of opening ironic posts like these?

Hasn't everyone had enough of them, how are they helping?

Apart from the fact that it's funny, it's really cool to see a description of all the social behaviour that's happening in a unique time. This thread'll probably be a historical document one day. I mean that's the point of any satire innit?
Jourdain11 · 02/03/2021 16:15

I haven't seen anyone literally sobbing and shaking for months. Disappointing!

MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 16:35

@turquoisewaters

What's the point of opening ironic posts like these?

Hasn't everyone had enough of them, how are they helping?

Gave me a laugh 🤷🏻‍♀️. Of course if it isn’t helping you, feel free to scroll on by...
MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 16:36

You're right. No laughing during the pandemic. That also helps your stay the fuck home score!

Every time you smile, the R rate increases.

FlowersInSpringtime · 02/03/2021 16:37

I did not Stay The Fuck At Home™️ but I believe it was a totally essential reason for going out, as I was simply making the rules easier to understand for people more stupid than myself who need extra help. My local post office for example, instructed people to "Shop safe" so I took my essential Sharpie out to correct this to "Shop Safely" as I knew some people might not realise how to shop if the grammar was wrong. It was actually a public service.

Although, in a kind of Schrodinger's covid kind of way, if I didn't post about this on social media, did it actually happen? In the first lockdown I did some shopping for my elderly neighbours then realised there was no point as I didn't have social media so couldn't post about it to garner praise and admiration. So I stopped.

FlowersInSpringtime · 02/03/2021 16:47

Shit, sorry I forgot to end my post with the fact I am CEV and therefore my opinion is more important as it's people like me who are literally being killed when people can't just Stay The Fuck At Home™️. Also I have shielded for almost a year to protect the NHS and expect everyone else to have as shit a time as me.

(Disclaimer in case anyone doesn't realise my tongue is in my cheek, I am CEV and did actually shield but I can admit my awful character did make me very jealous of other people and did want everyone else to have as shit a time as me WinkI got over it though (unfortunately i had to stop shielding to do that, so someone needs to ask me if I expect a hospital bed after my own selfish action. Thank you)

MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 16:48

@FlowersInSpringtime

Shit, sorry I forgot to end my post with the fact I am CEV and therefore my opinion is more important as it's people like me who are literally being killed when people can't just Stay The Fuck At Home™️. Also I have shielded for almost a year to protect the NHS and expect everyone else to have as shit a time as me.

(Disclaimer in case anyone doesn't realise my tongue is in my cheek, I am CEV and did actually shield but I can admit my awful character did make me very jealous of other people and did want everyone else to have as shit a time as me WinkI got over it though (unfortunately i had to stop shielding to do that, so someone needs to ask me if I expect a hospital bed after my own selfish action. Thank you)

As long as you didn’t go to any garden centres.
Robintakeover · 02/03/2021 16:51

I let the kids put rainbows in the windows till they faded in the sun. - I’m now worried people thought I was a stay ‘the fuck’ at home type

Fuckadoodledoooo · 02/03/2021 16:53

My dd insisted on making a huge rainbow with "stay safe" for the front window.

We were new to the area. I was mortified.

rosie39forever · 02/03/2021 16:56

I usually stay 'the fuck' at home but had to fuck off to Sainsburys and go the fuck into boots as well as drop dd the fuck off at school today so that's me handing my medal in then.

ComDummings · 02/03/2021 16:57

Don’t you realise we’re in a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Not a global pandemic, not a pandemic, a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. If anyone moans about anything just scream about the GLOBAL PANDEMIC because they’re so SELFISH and need to Stay The Fuck At Home

Springersrock · 02/03/2021 17:00

Selfish is a word I never want to hear again.

Want to do something perfectly legal, but I don’t agree with? SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!

Saucery · 02/03/2021 17:09

I wear a very serious expression as I drive to work in a school, lest people mistake me for someone who should be staying the fuck at home and not driving about.
Not miserable, just pensive and slightly regretful with a definite hint of Heroic Key Worker in there. I toss in a soupçon of longing as I pass the vaccination centre.

User133847 · 02/03/2021 17:12

Stay home, save lives; don't kill Granny.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 02/03/2021 17:14

@Saucery

I wear a very serious expression as I drive to work in a school, lest people mistake me for someone who should be staying the fuck at home and not driving about. Not miserable, just pensive and slightly regretful with a definite hint of Heroic Key Worker in there. I toss in a soupçon of longing as I pass the vaccination centre.
There was a Facebook frame that said ‘I can’t stay home, I’m a key worker’ in the early days of the GLOBAL PANDEMIC. I’m sure there’s one you can get for your car too. Instead of ‘Baby on Board’ you could have ‘Key Worker on Board’. Now there’s a business idea...