Stay at Home........

[Acesulfame]

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?

I should have had the vaccine in both arms, not just one - double-dosed. I feel a failure. I have let down the globe.

@Dolciedolly

Stay the fuck at home tell everyone that then secretly fly to the Maldives to get a few rays

This in spades

You will also post YouTube video clips of doctors from some London hospital telling everyone that not only are masks NOT harmful by measuring his oxygen levels (whilst wearing mask to prove point) - but actually that wearing masks are GOOD for your health. Ditto posting trade union leaders tweeting that masks assist pupils learning. You must share these far and wide with a threat to your social media friends that if they don’t share then they must be Covid deniers.

@Neverspeakofthisagain

How to know if you are just staying at home or staying ‘the fuck’ at home.

Score a point for every statement that you answer ‘yes’ to:

1. I have stayed in and ‘despaired’ at the Covidiots for the vast majority of the past year
2. I have a Facebook profile that includes pictures of Rainbows/Captain Tom/NHS in a love heart/’I’m getting the vaccine’! slogan/’Stay at Home & Save Lives’ logo
3. I REFUSED to ‘Eat Out to Help Out’
4. I have cobbled together a meal from dry husks of bread, a soft aubergine and margarine rather than go shopping as I considered this trip ‘non-essential’.
5. I have reported the suspicious ‘comings and goings’ of various neighbours/friends/family members
6. I was disappointed that we were allowed to bubble on Christmas day and declined suggestions from my family to meet up.
7. I have taken all my exercise in the form of rural walks between the hours of 3am-5am whilst wearing a WWII gas mask.
8. I shake with rage at the sight of anyone going about their day in a carefree and happy manner.
9. I was happy to Clap for Carers and was disappointed when it all stopped as I would have continued to clap for the entire year.
10. I have been referred to as a Covid Martyr by at least one person.
11. I regularly post on threads where people are discussing something else entirely to double check/question their reference to ‘going out’ or having ‘someone round’ to ensure that they are not in breach of The Rules.
12. I have a summary of The Rules as well as Boris’ Pathway, on my fridge which I have decorated with rainbows.

Now add up your scores.

0-3. You are not even staying home, never mind ‘staying the fuck’ home.
3-6. Slightly better, but you might want to make sure you don’t accidently ‘pop out’ for loo roll – nothing wrong with newspaper.
6-9. You are ‘Staying Home’
9-12. Congratulations. You are Staying ‘The Fuck’ home.

0-3

Oh no, of course that is the reason I caught covid. Makes sense now.
I should have clapped more, it would have saved me I'm sure.

To be fair I do have a 'had the vaccine' frame in my FB profile though. I was certainly happy to have it.

So will that redeem me for my last misdemeanours?!

My boss just phoned to see why I'm not in work and I told him I'm staying the fuck home. Guaranteed pay rise for services to public health me thinks

All posts and conversations (only via zoom of course) must be liberally sprinkled with sadly, I'm afraid and sorry.

My DS has a note on google classroom saying he will need a large potato and craft materials for world book day to turn it into a book character. My other DS needs baking soda, vinegar and food colouring for a science experiment. These are all completely non essential items so now I have to make a non essential trip to home bargains. Do they not know I am staying the fuck home and saving lives?

I've done the calculations, it looks like I only stayed the fuck at home for about 11 weeks over the past year, and the rest of the time I was just at home. But I've checked with the authorities (random smug/angry mums on Facebook) and if I double my the fuck efforts over the two months then I should be ok, and the deaths I personally caused will be limited to around 1,500. Phew! Big relief all round.

People staying the fuck at home are now using that time to complete their PhD thesis. No prior scientific training but if you read enough MN posts combined with the BBC science correspondent and the odd Nature article, that really is enough to qualify you as an epidemiologist, immunology or virologist and dish out the relevant advice. It’s just tricky to decide what your specialty will be.

To STF at home you must always consult MN before leaving home to ensure that your journey is essential.

"I only have 2 apples and slice of dry bread in the house and my Tesco delivery isn't due for three days. AIBU to nip to the shop for food?"

YABVU, it's not an essential journey and you're putting yourself and others at unnecessary risk!

If you haven’t put cheese in your tea to avoid a ‘non essential’ journey you haven’t Stayed The Fuck At Home at all.

Some utterly brilliant posts on this thread!

Staying at Home = only leaving your home for a limited number of government-defined reasons

Staying THE FUCK at Home = policing other people’s efforts to Stay at Home

Bonus points given if you set your alarm for 2am so you can snap up all the Tesco delivery slots before the elderly and vulnerable get them. Then boast loudly on SM about how you haven’t been in a supermarket since this started.

Post on Facebook that 'Ann' Frank didn't mind staying in a loft for years despite the fact that she probably wasn't best pleased about it and you know about enough on the matter to misspell her name.

@LucilleTheVampireBat

War analogies are always good too

Yes of course! How could we forget the WW2 references!

I'm actually amazed none of the usual suspects have been along to tell us all off yet. Although I suppose they are busy with the manhunt for mystery contestant no.3 who won the top prize of brazilian covid.

Any time you do need to leave the house, don't forget to tell everyone loudly how much you were still following rules by posting
' while I was out for my daily exercise''
Or 'while I was getting my essential shopping'

Sometimes I stay the fuck at home and sometimes I go the fuck out. I enjoy the latter more.

I think it's not about seeing others outside and judging them. It's about seeing others enjoying being outside (in the sun, throwing snowballs, whatever), how dare they!

Seriously, there are some people who would love having the Stasi in the UK, in 2021.

@OliveTree75

I think it also involves adding the "Staying home, Saving lives" badge to your facebook profile picture so all your friends know you are a good citizen

Or changing their profile pic to one with a mask on their mug.

You should share a reminder of the rules on your Facebook page. Followed the next day by a photo that shows you broke them. (Yes, true story.)

I hate the bloody 'Stay at home' sign in the top corner of the TV. Channel 4 used to do it. Not sure if they still do, but it's bloody annoying. Firstly, if I'm watching telly chances are I am at home. Secondly, I watch TV for entertainment, not to be chastised by people who have no authority or expertise.

That is not really in the spirit of the thread or the rulez pp. You must adjust your set so that the signage spreads diagonally across the whole of the programme. Only then are you STFAH.

Before travelling by car for one of the accepted reasons, you should consider what would happen if you broke down or had an accident and how many people you might come into contact with in that scenario. And then put your car keys away, give yourself a good talking to and stay the fuck at home.

Or, you must instruct people to SAH but you must then STFAH in your swimwear - preferably a thong - in Dubai.

Also, I hate the Americanism 'Stay home', but then I have an irrational dislike of gratuitous Americanisms!