Jackass whisperers against the cheap beer virus

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Thread number...4?!? Fucking hell I've never been so popular.

Keep on keeping on and ,moan,whinge and laugh while you enjoy your deliveries and cackle evilly while you kill thousands.

All under the benevolent eye of your awesome , yellow and very ripe leader.

May the bleach be with you.

I'm sure there's a few feathers flying around as well from so much ruffling 😂

Of course your royal mag.
Just give me a minute...ouch... oops i seem to have broken both legs tripping over the hoover flex
Sorry 'bout that😞

OOoOoohhhhh Smile thats tempting

Just found this thread by accident as I'd hidden the coronavirus topic. So glad to have found you.

I have probably murdered several people by running to a local park with DD and then stopping to fly a kite. Then on the way home we saw another friend running so all ran together spread out across the path.

@Shitsgettingcrazy you have voiced my worries completely. My dad is waiting to have a skin cancer op but obviously it has been cancelled. I've had malignant melanoma in the past and now I'm too scared to check my moles because if I find a dodgy one I won't be able to get it biopsied so I'd rather not know.

My street is super busy today. Normal. People are so over this lockdown.

I was steam cleaning the hall because puppy+mud+waggytail=wall art
and then I accidentally put the steam-cleaner on the carpeted stairs and they transformed! I even 'ooh-ed' out loud, I was so thrilled (please shoot me now) and ended up steam-cleaning the entire stairs.
Have chosen the sunniest, warmest day of the year but it's done and I think that's my cleaning quota finished for the remainder of the lock down.
Am about to have a cold beer in anticipation of my Drinking Game.

@Maxandezra - that gin sounded out of this world! I bet they drank it. Damaged en route, my arse

Dogging? Since when were we dogging. It was Spanish clap ridden soldiers and Italian drs last time I was here.

The gin wasnt damaged, someone (probably a frother) stole it cos it's not aloud.

So I've been busy killing people, that ak47 came in handy. I had to get stuff from chemist, and while I was so far away from home and so close to a friend's house I decided to visit, for probably an hour, so that's hundreds dead, then its such a gorgeous day i came back via the park, which was busier than I've seen it since last summer. The police helicopter sort of hovered over me for my entire walk back.
I smoked my way through the clap last night. I peered from my back garden out front occassionally wondering if the clap would ever end. And then right after the clap, I heard people (an entire small street) singing happy birthday to someone. Haven't got to the bottom of that yet, willing to use ak47 to get answers. Just as soon as I can be arsed.
Tally for today has to be almost 1000.

I can offer home made rhubarb gin if that will help?

On the 'what will you do better next pandemic' thread I said that next time I would make sure I had more gin & vodka in stock. I was roundly ignored (probably for not taking the whole thing seriously enough).

Apparently Trumps comments about using disinfectant as a treatment were 'taken out of context'. Nope, I saw the press briefing and they were just as bonkers in context as out. Trump also suggested that bright light inside the body could kill the virus. Anyone got a torch?

Right, that's enough pretending I'm usefully employed. I had better away and watch Teatime with the Plague. I have to pay attention as DH will be asking questions later.

Will there be a shortage of fleshlights next?

Oh good can I join in?

I've started driving to somewhere quieter to walk the dog. Ok, turns out everyone had the same idea so it's not quieter but there are wider paths so can maintain a good 1.99 metres 😁

I think I've definitely murdered a few people though as there were signs in the car park along the lines of "go home you non essential driving murderous cunts!)

DH sent me this: www.cncwax.co.uk/images/NewSkillsQuarantine.jpg

I fell about when he showed me and I thought we could all do with a laugh so am sharing it here.

Fellow killers, I went to Holland and Barrett today to buy vitamins and shampoo. They have quite a good range of toiletries and...I browsed. I was the only customer in the shop and I was there for ages.

It felt amazing.

Ooh is Holland and Barratt open? I ordered vitamins from them online because I assumed they'd be shut (to prevent the murderous types like you) and they still haven't arrived. It's been about three weeks now.

DD2 just rediscovered we have Guitar Hero. I feel a challenge coming on. That's how Friday evening is planning out on the Crow household. With alcohol. Obviously.

@Lalallama I was in our local Holland and Barrett for a good 20 minutes the other day buying essential herbal tea and other such frivolities. They were happy for the company sand someone non-frothy to chat with I think, it was deserted!

This made me laugh more than it should. Now OH is giving me the evil eye.

I considered going to Tesco for Non Essentials today, but I got a 'don't you dare' text from the NHS then the 5g people planted a migraine in my brain so instead I spent most of the day under the duvet while my husband plugged the children into devices and didn't clean their teeth or teach them anything.

I added extra prosecco to next week's ocado shop.

Actually attaching the pic would help.

@ThatsWhatHeroesDo ooh I've had migraine on and off for a couple of weeks, it must be the 5G waves messing my brain up

evening all.
well I managed to stop and jtf on way home and acquired some gin - rasberry and rose and actually not bad but not as nice as the one I was expecting, but I couldnt face a proper shop with hours long queue to get in.
I am also suspicious about the demise of my gin order - fairly sure someone is having a good Friday evening enjoying that. May have to re-order.

Hoping all the 5g migraines are easing.

Blessed be the fruitful sausage

In toher exciting news Dh amanged to get gas for our bbq today so bbq is on the cards for the weekend.

Dominoes has been eaten this evening - very nice.

And my new running shoes have arrived - having a day of exercise today but will need to drag myslef out tomroow to undo the gin and pizza damage!

Been listening to this a lot.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2X_2IdybTV0

Oh Your Supreme Princessiness what did you say to get deleted on that fecking thread? I was trying my best to be restrained telling her to shut the fuck up but if she spouts off again i might not.

What? i got deleted? Didn't even realise. Fucking reporting weaklings.