Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Morning everyone. I am in work but not one of the NHS angels (or should it be angles?!) or anyone important but I can't do my job from home as a) my wifi is crap b) all my paperwork is in my office and would require a large luton van to shift it and c) its so much easier and nicer to be in the office all by myself . However I do confess to probably 500 murders as I called into the Co op for some milk on the way to the office and 1. conversed with the lady in there - neither of us wearing gloves or a mask or breathing apparatus 2. I paid in cash for my £1.65 purchase of milk and bottled water but hadn't doused the coins in bleach !!

Have a lovely day everyone - hope we all manage to find something to laugh about in these frustrating times. x

Good morning everyone. I haven't committed murder yet today but we'll see how home educating goes first.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock, no ice cream [shock?! I hope you are feeling a bit less wobbly. I've been listening to a Miss Fisher mystery and thoroughly enjoying it.

Did you know that if you have the free app Borrow Box and your library card, you can borrow e and audio books free of charge? Although that depends on your library so it is worth checking.

Morning pandemic denying scum.

I did the weekly shop this morning - apparently I didn't get the memo that every third person was to wear a facemask. When did that happen? And I am not talking about the aloe vera and watermelon glow type of face mask either (although, there's a thought for the next trip out).
Where did they all get them from? It was like I had walked into some backstage lot at a hospital drama.
Cashier was wonderfully funny about it all when I mentioned it at the check-out - she said she should really start wearing one as she has a smokers cough and people keep looking at her like the 'harbringer of death' when she clears her throat.
I should have recruited her as my Deputy Minister.

On the plus side, I bought pretty candles, cake mix (as there is still no flour), a beautiful assortment of highly essential crisps, and the basic necessities (gin, wine, fruity cider) bread, milk, eggs and sharp sticks to poke my eyes out for having too much fun in general, when we all know the Zombie Apocalypse is Nigh.

Morning all. I’m currently quite impressed by my death total - snag chub rub shorts and the components of raspberry daiquiris delivered already. I’m now watching a documentary on female serial killers for handy hints and tips. I’ll feed back if anything useful appears 😂

Morning my loyal subjects.

Got over myself so all good today. OH is armed and loaded with a long list for his trip to Iceland. Ice cream is essential.

A nice day of homeschooling and working from home. Fun times.

On one hand we'll be good and not killing anyone,on the other one of us will probably end up crying by 3 pm.

It's playtime now , until I remember to call DD back in or she gets cold.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock thinking of you and everyone else home educating (or trying to) and feeling very glad that mine are not school age any more!!!

Daughter is doing Uni work whilst watching Aussie series on Prime and claims it helps her concentrate -- hmmm!!! She doesn't seem to be making much progress and if she asks my opinion then doesn't like the answer or thinks its wrong then she doesn't half snap at me!! Its so lovely to be able to shrug and say 'how should I know - I didn't go to university'.

I saw something the other day about Facebook selling Fruit Salad and Black Jack ice lollies. I feel like I need them in my life.

I eventually braved A&E and my ankle is not broken but the soft tissues are a complete mess. No one thought I was a time waster, which was a relief. Lots of 'oh, that looks painful, you definitely needed to come here, that's what we're for' so that was a relief.

No, of course I didn't I mean I read it ON Facebook that Iceland were selling them.

Glad to hear you went to A&E and that ankle is not broken. What are next steps for it? Anything they could do about it?

Fruit salad ice lollies I neeeeeeeeed them!!! This means I will have to go to Iceland as well as Aldi and Asda when I do the weekly shop! And some time I need to make a special trip to the Co-op to spend the £50 of food vouchers they gave me for insuring the car with them. The slaughter's going to be horrendous, isn't it?

@isabelle Hope you're not in too much pain with the ankle

Afternoon everyone. I'm still in my pjs because I'm not going on any killing sprees today. I think we more than did our share yesterday having our illicit meeting with DD1 and doing non essential shopping. I'm on my 5th coffee because what is sleep? My internal clock is out of whack!

I've never been more chuffed to already be a wfh parent and a homeschooler, I can only imagine how difficult it is when your kids are used to mainstream schooling and you're suddenly thrust into a wfh plus teaching situation. So all the cake and wine for you guys.

I got my wine delivery today. 6 lovely bottles

Luckily working from home involves doing lots of courses and some research/finding resources so it's not too taxing and can pause when needed.

DD was most put off though that she is "not on holiday " anymore which doesn't make sense because she's not at school.

I'm lucky that I work in a school , and have done the work for her year group a few times so I actually know(mostly) what the various apps/worksheets/websites/workbooks want from her.

Trebolla, what’s the documentary please?

Looking forward to catching up with Killing Eve tonight!

Afternoon all

Anyone else have the Monday blues today? Just me? I'm currently WFH with a box of Pringles on one side of me and a bag of oranges on the other ha! I've lost all track of how to eat normally

I'm off to read batshit threads that will have been posted on here over last couple of days to cheer me up ''OMG my neighbour is having another BBQ, can I call the police'' no doubt somewhere on here

I think we’ve found the biggest Covidiot of the era

news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-idris-elba-says-world-should-quarantine-for-a-week-every-year-to-remember-this-time-11975822

@LilacTree1 so a minutes silence every year for everyone who lost their lives in WWI and II but a week of quarantine every year to remember a pandemic the government completely fucked up with? Ok then

CrowCat - IKR?

Mad he’ll pay wages. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Something about people who react like this - I can’t help thinking they’ve never been ill before.

Morning fellow Bananians,

Congrats on getting your ankle scrutinised Isabelle, I'm very relieved that it's not broken.
Well done our esteemed Banana Princess for delegation of shopping and ice-cream mission.

I'm on day one of No Booze for - well for a long time. Having drunk stupendous amounts every day since lock-down, I decided I needed to get a grip. All booze has been put away/ taken out from the fridge etc. I wonder how I shall feel at 5pm this evening when my body will be expecting it's first top up? Hopefully decent sleep will be my reward.

My gym ball arrives today. I feel saintly for the purchase of something so healthy although obviously guilty of murdering many in order for the ball to get to me.

I got the Child ready for first day back at school tomorrow. It's 8.15am log in every day from now on. I also started a duo lingo Spanish course. It is actually most enjoyable.

Sorry, I'm not feeling erudite or witty today but glad you are all still here and continuing to be disobedient.

Isabelle did they give you crutches?

I wasn’t going to kill anyone today but the mention of crisps.....

Not off to kill anyone today, have taken dogs out but virtually no one around to breathe on. Sadly.
Tomorrow on the other hand I'm hopefully meeting two different friends at different times so murder ahoy. Probably the whole of milton Keynes will suffer for my egregious missions.
Am seriously going to have to cut down on booze. I dont own any scales but my loose tie top joggers are no longer loose and cant tie them cos not enough drawstring left. Or maybe stop making and eating cake?
Unsure.
Glad everyone is ok ish today. At least it is beautiful sunshine here even if a tiny bit cold in the breeze.

Yay home time

I’m really sorry but this is the only place I can safely say this

I’m struggling today. I have so much rage and fear about the future in terms of money etc and will we have any rights at all?

The flat gets boiling in the evening so save the walk for then but feel like a caged tiger. Actually the flat is already boiling - joys of cladding.

Under His Eye.

Sorry you’re struggling LilacTree1. I’ve had days like that - just can’t shake the worry and misery. Can you do something nice just for you? Have a bath, read, google pictures of Chris Evans (American version, obvs)?

I’ve also just seen a thread about the virus and another seasonal illness. I just can’t. Really can’t. Gah.

Trebolla thank you. It’s difficult, stuck in a tiny boiling flat.

I’ve got loads of pent up energy which can’t go anywhere.

But mostly I’m TERRIFIED of the future. On what planet is this okay? I never thought I’d live in a world where quarantining healthy people was okay. I don’t live in fucking China.

Yeah I get that. I’ve stopped looking at the news as I end up with feeling shit. Can you try something like the yoga program on YouTube to help with the energy? The woman’s name is something like adrianne I think.