Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Oh I've seen that one. Stepped away slowly..

@PrincessConsueIa I should've known a curtain twitcher thread wouldn't see any valid point in reason and rationale. Silly me. They get me so cross though.

I did commit murder overnight but it was slugs near my newly planted cabbages so I think that's justified.

DD at work this morning (home shopping picker) said they were instructed to stop work and give NHS workers allowed in early The Clap. She said NHS workers all looked like they would rather have got through the tills a bit quicker.

gnome OMG if they bloody gave me the clap when I was trying to get my shopping (now my most hated and anxiety provoking experience) I would probabaly thow a sack of spuds at someone. Thank goodness morrisons and aldi dont seem to have gone that batshit yet!

Good God the last thing you want when you are trying to just do something normal like shopping and get in and get out is a load of randoms clapping at you like maniacs. What are they supposed to do stand still till they finish or bow in 'thanks' or wave appreciatively at them all? I would be bloody mortified and scurry off like a mouse into the aisle!

God, I’d find that really annoying if I worked in the NHS as well.

Lalalala the insanity part would definitely cover it.

@Willow2017 Neighbour with dementia kindly took delivery of said package. Do-gooder across the road come running over screaming obscenities at DPD man saying he was putting neighbour at risk and that she shouldn't be taking in other peoples parcels. She was mouthing back saying she could do what she wanted. DPD guy had his back up because do-gooder wouldn't stop having a go at him, calling him a murderer. I came along and assessed the situation was about my package (we were just coming back from a walk) and took the parcel and everyone calmed down. Quite intense.

Wow crazy neighbour there Wowthisisreal !!
Tell her to keep her beak out of everyone elses business in future!

Well I have a gigantic confession.
I bleached some flagstones outside my back door!!!!!!!
Accidently I have to say. I put a bit of bleach in the kitchen bin as it was a bit pongy and grotty cos the bag had leaked and filled it with water outside the back door. The drain out back is rubbish unless you are pouring stuff down it 100ml at a time so I just upended the bin after washing it and the water went everywhere and left it to drain away then I realised what I had done ... At least now about 5' of my path is now free from the plague so I can stand out there for hours and not be infectious

ffs not allowed to kick a ball in your own garden now!
Well of course not them balls are plague carriers bouncing around infecting the grass and stuff, what a terrible idea.

MN and balls - always a conundrum - it is rude to knock on someone's door to ask them for it back and you should wait, but it is also rude to not acknowledge the fact that it has gone over the fence and await its return.

People need to improve the force field around their gardens.

I’ll patrol gardens with my AK47? In defence of the country and all.

God, MN needs a “hide poster” button.

Shame we can’t literally hide posters in a basement or something 😂

I know we’re a bit short of Spanish soldiers, so I found this one. Sings a bit in the shower, but won’t hog the shampoo.

www.facebook.com/479202222102074/posts/3044600092228928/

I think giving the NHS workers The Clap was a management instruction not a spontaneous show of support which probably makes it even more cringe worthy.

Morning all,

wow parcel situation sounds crazy
princess hope youre feeling less wobbly
lala as an NHS worker, but ALSO a fellow cabinet memeber can I invoke special privaleges to be allowed out without cape and crown?

Just topping up wth coffee then off to work.
Dh has been left with strict instructionts to turf ds2 out of bed before midday and to get him to actually do some bloody school work....will see how that pans out!

Not sure how much murdering I'll fit in today - woork tends to get in the way of that - but will try and make up for it this eveneing.
Have a rebellious day all

Blessed be the Fruit

Morning reprobates.
Bloody pc didnt show notifications fir emails yesterday for some readon so i stupidly didnt check till i was giing to bed almost am...to find i had loads including my rota for this week...working today😲😲😲 i hate technology as it hates me.😠😠so up way too early as i didnt want to sleep in.

Lilac can i have an Ak to take to work please? That might focus customers minds on socisl distancing.😄 staff should be able to force some custimers to stick by the damm rules not treat us (and other custimers) like we are just another bit of furniture and impervious to the damm virus. A relative of mine is pretty vulnerable but does shopping for his elderly mum too. His store has a one way system and people dont stick.to it and he is sick of people banging into him going the wrong way and staff apparently cant say anything its ridiculous. A bit of consideration wouldnt go amiss its not much to ask for the short time you are in a shop.

Hope you all have a great day. Power to the people magnificent cabinet comrades, come the revolution...

Ffs almost 1am!

@LilacTree1 Hiding posters in a basement is cruel when all they're doing is worrying about their health. Submerging them in a vat of bleach would be kinder

Morning scallywags and Majesty

Yesterday I cut my hair (with a bit of help from DH to tidy up the back). I was very pleased with it until DH started calling me Shirley temple

Bin men turned up while I was having a fag on the balcony. I waved at them and chatted with them and we LAUGHED! I don't expect to see my neighbours ever again as that will have caused them to either get the virus, or to have died of shock at the brazen rule-flouting of the hussy at Number 12

Do I want a bacon sarnie or a sausage sarnie for breakfast?