Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

I will update with a review about vag plumping cream no problem. It may take some time...
It's a review I am happy to wait for!

Morning everyone! Hope you are all ok.

Hope you are telling better @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock

The tango thread has evolved into 'BUT IT COULD ATTRACT CROWDS'.

Apparantly if someone is dancing and you decided to form part of a crowd watching, it's not your fault. Apparantly dancers are mesmerising people and forcing them to form a crowd and catch covid against their will. Who knew dancers were also ovid spreading hypnotists. 🤷‍♀️

[DancelikeEmmaGoldman]

Do we need a theme song?

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

@DancelikeEmmaGoldman excellent choice!

Though I am sure I can here the sound of pitchforks in the distance

I have a weird thought. How many of the frothers, read this thread? I am quite surprise by the lack of invasion of posters shouting 'murderers'.

[QuimJongUn]

I'm late to this party but may I join anyway? I have a terrible confession.

I play guitar and I got an email from a guitar shop last week informing me that my dream instrument was reduced to an absolutely ridiculous, never to be repeated, hundreds of pounds off price. I've wanted it for literally years. So I ordered it and it arrives on Wednesday. I am SO EXCITED! But I can tell anyone because the one person irl I did tell basically told me I had blood on my hands. I really hope not because I don't want to get the dreamy guitar all messy when I play it

[PenfoldsFive]

MURDERERS!



I’ve just wandered into this thread by mistake but am delighted to find you.

Yesterday DD did a cartwheel on the beach and we smiled and laughed. Selfish.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Quim that sounds like a great opportunity. Would've been stupid not to take advantage. Enjoy your new guitar.


Just don't play it anywhere where someone might hear it, or enjoy yourself..it's not in the spirit you know.

[QuimJongUn]

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock don't worry, I've ordered a new hair shirt to wear while I'm playing it. Had to (even though I've probably murdered hundreds of people by doing so) as my current hair shirt is getting threadbare from so much wear.

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

I really hope not because I don't want to get the dreamy guitar all messy when I play it

That would be a disaster!

PenfoldsFive thank you. Made me feel more at ease. I am imagining the frothers lurking in the dark waiting to shout it!

[longearedbat]

What is the tango thread called? I can't find it. I could do with a laugh. Thanks.
I think this is what I shall look like in a few weeks.

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3878778-Couple-doing-the-tango-in-finsbury-park?msgid=95576736#95576736

Not sure if I made it a clicky @longearedbat

[TheGreatWave]

Morning campers.

Luckily no nail issues here, my nails are weird. They are very soft, I can't grow them as they tear easily, I also can't wear nail varnish as it hurts after a couple of days.

Anyway today, weather has turned. I have my Argos delivery later, can't remember exactly what I ordered.

I do want some paint, a metal gate needs painting and I can do the woodwork in the bathrooms, but I'm not going today, I think the shops (the likes of B&M) should have shut as well today, give staff a couple of days off, so I will avoid it and go later in the week.

[Maxandezra]

morning all
Thanks for the words of encouragement yesterday. I was just having a grumpy day! There are a lot of us in one house now the 2 adult /student dc are back. 20yr old daughter is struggling with being back especiallly. and 12 yr old ds was in an especially argumentative mood. But the day imprved as it progressed , helped by lots of choloclate (me and kids) and wine (me )
Today however I am resolving to have an alcohol free day. Tomorrow Im going to actually get my arse in gear and go out for a run. Time for a bit of damage limitatin I think!
Planning on a mostly chilled out day today. Will walk the dogs at some point and try and drag ds2 with me......
Still got some easter chocolate to consume too so thats a bonue.

Love the new thread title

[soupforbrains]

@PenfoldsFive welcome. Though probably not for long, I expect the police will be at your door any minute now after that cartwheel.

I don’t think I understand why someone would want to plump their vag, are we talking actual vag or just the flaps?

@QuimJongUn I am very jealous of your guitar playing ability. I am teaching myself the ukelele during this whole affair, (for given the uke at Christmas and just hadn’t got round to it), but it’s been such a long time since I’ve played a string instrument and I rather overdid the practice in the first couple of days so now my fingertips on my left hand are a bit swollen and painful so I’m having to take a break. I’m so cross with myself because I should have known it would happen and paced myself.

Today I will be murdering people in their thousands I expect as I intend to spend the morning in my front garden attempting to begin a bit of a transformation and obviously all my neighbours shall be looking, and seeing and thus reporting me.

And then this afternoon I am going to murder hundreds more by selfishly using eggs and flour and milk to bake a chocolate cake. Or maybe even 2!

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

I'm going to be the most saintly ANGLE today . It's really cold and windy out there so I'll be staying in like the goodest ,bestest girl ever! I'll even wag my tail.

[Wowthisisreal]

@princessconsuelabananahammock make sure you only eat gruel and drink water though otherwise it doesn't count?

[BamboozledandBefuddled]

Morning all
Have woken up in a horrible mood and am considering spending the day curled up in a tight ball with intervals of angry shouting and/or miserable sobbing. I don't even feel like going outside and breathing where people can see me.

DH is observing extreme-social--distancing, apart from edging close enough to keep me supplied with coffee.

Someone give me a slap and tell me to pull myself together please

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

@BamboozledandBefuddled slap

However, I do think that sometimes it's perfectly fine to be in a mood. It's normal.

Curl up. Watch a box set, read a book or whatever floats your boat.

I am currently watching season 1-5 of agents of shield with little pup. Dp and ds are still asleep.

I am sure I will be in a better mood by the time they get up. On the plus side, ds asked if he could go to bed an hour earlier tonight and get in bed with me to watch a movie. He is 9. I havent had a request like this for a while. So looking forward to that

[QuimJongUn]

@soupforbrains my ability is very limited I'm afraid! I'm hoping having my Dream Guitar will give me a kick up the arse with regards to practice/creativity. Tbh the last few weeks with all that's been happening I've found it hard to concentrate on much, but I've been a bit more inspired over the weekend.

Sore fingers are the worst. Ice packs help I find when I've overdone it. You'll soon get back into the swing! Fender are currently doing three months free on their Fender Play app, it has a section for uke and it's brilliant learning tool. It's usually a tenner a month so well worth it.

Just don't go enjoying yourself too much, not in the spirit at all. In fact your painful hand is probably the universe paying you back for your selfishness!

[LaBelleSauvage123]

I had a dream last night that I was queuing for something ( can’t remember what, but some kind of museum) - one minute I was standing 2m away from the person in front and the security guard was saying well done to me and the next I was sitting down with Bill Oddie squashed up next to me and Chris Packham on the other side of him. I couldn’t ask him to move away because I thought he must be sad about his friend Tim’s death. Luckily I then woke up.

[ProfessorPootle]

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I do my own gel nails at home, lots of online stockists for the nail polish and little uv dryer thing, amazon and eBay have lots. I mostly buy CND shellac polish but also have some OPI Infinite Shine which isn’t a gel but lasts a similar time but which doesn’t need the dryer. They’re great essential non-essential purchases.

I not only buy non-essentials online but also sell non-essentials online, which is essential as we currently have no other income.

[PenfoldsFive]

Thanks for the welcome. I’m just about to have a bath (I promise I will have a puritanical amount of water and no bubbles) and then will go on a murderous rampage by walking on the beach. I’ve heard that CV can spread to limpets unless you stay 45 miles from them, but I care not a jot.

[Pringletastic]

I have made a huge error in judgement. I stupidly thought that the shops would open at 10am today as it is a Bank Holiday, but apparently they opened at 8am. This means my wily plan of being there before opening time to avoid the weird Stasi conga line has fallen foul of my poor planning.
I really need to go as well, as I have people to kill I need milk and bread and eggs and possibly see if they have Easter eggs on sale while I am there as I have become a chocaholic

Woe is me.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

@BamboozledandBefuddled no slaps. You know what? Be angry, kick a pillow , shout and swear(respectfully though) and let it out. This is shit and we all have a wobble now and then, hell we probably need it.

@ProfessorPootle I barely get any mail atm so ebay is out , or it'll probably arrive after the lock down. I need acrylic or whatever because it makes my nails too thick to pick. Just nail polish is not enough.

@Wowthisisreal bacon and Red Bull ok? I'm not saintly enough for gruel and water yet.

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking we tried it the first day of lockdown. After 15 minutes I was out of breath and with sore boobs and DD managed to hurt herself 3 times. Never again. We do the name one,but that's for fun not necessarily exercise.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Yay! Puppy pic!

I have this dumbass. Two bowls of clean ,fresh water inside, one outside but that's where he drinks from.