Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking to go with your love honey purchase.

[Bumsnet1]

@Willow2017 glad you asked! It’s an amazing bottle, that when squeezed, removes excess debris from the lower regions. I just had to have it!

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

@Pringletastic yep. Definitely an us and then situation.

@ Bumsnet1! Portable bidet? Surely that's just a bottle of water with a sports cap so you can squirt your arse?

[QuimJongUn]

I too am intrigued by the portable bidet.

Today I have caused the deaths of thousands by ordering a guitar strap and a Joy Division t shirt. And I'm about to open my last bottle of wine so I'll need to go out and buy more tomorrow. Don't worry I'll put a loaf of Mother's Pride in my basket too to balance out the non essentialness.

[Bumsnet1]

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I did consider a gold or platinum bidet, but I opted for plastic and portable. One has to keep it real, innit?

[QuimJongUn]

@Bumsnet1 ah. That sounds... Squelchy.

[Shitsgettingcrazy]

So it is indeed a bottle of water.

Good to think of alternative uses for luxury purchases. Seems to placate the mob, a small amount.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

I see your squelchy and raise you moist.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Oh FFS I see the dementors are out in force today. It's not enough to froth about things now, they're spreading doom and gloom about the "after" too. Say goodbye to your normal peeps.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking damn girl, you got standards! My bad.

[CrowCat]

Also I desperately need a trampoline for DD. Argos promised me there'd be stock at the warehouse that delivers to my area today, but alas no amount of page refreshing conjures up aforementioned stock. That's the Argos postcode lottery in full swing. She did actually already have a trampoline until the winter gale force winds took it elsewhere. It's been a great year so far hasn't it chaps

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

What size trampoline? Ebay , Studio and a few others still had them in stock.

[soupforbrains]

Evening you evil bunch.

I’m sad to report that my murderous plans for the day sadly failed to get off the ground since approximately ten mins after I posted this morning I was ‘summoned’ to work and spent all day trying to sort out the supposed impending disaster. I only finished about 45 mins ago so have just been sat on the sofa catching up on the thread!

I have however poured myself a drink and since I’m on annual leave the rest of the week they can summon me to fix any other bollocks which goes wrong so I’m feeling rather gleeful.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

@soupforbrains enjoy your drink and a rest.

Will have to fail you in the Serial Killers 101 course. Back to Kicking Kittens for you. Must try harder.

[Bananabixfloof]

Uh who lowered the tone 👉👉
I done sod all today. Very very lazy. Had me a one hour bath, groomed a flood, made dinner. Nothing taxing. Tomorrow I plan a murderous rampage to the park to meet a mate at a suitable distance with dogs.
Then sunbathe in my back garden. Should be fun.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

groomed a flood

I NEED to know more.

[ilovecherries]

I’ve disgraced myself by sobbing my eyes out watching Andrea Bocelli singing amazing grace in Milan. I’m a bit of a sucker for his voice anyway, but all the cutaways to empty capital cities had me boo-hooing. I don’t think even a clap free Spanish soldier could cheer me up.

[CrowCat]

@PrincessConsueIa 8ft trampoline.. Asda and eBay out of stock, amazon has tripled the price, smyths toys are still waiting on new stock. Same with the Range and B&M. Who knew getting hold of a trampoline would be so difficult!

[Pandoraslastchance]

I have many sins to confess

I ordered a new pool for the children so not only have I condemned half of nation to death via my new online shopping addiction I will have also screwed summer as when I buy a pool that summer comprises of floods, hail and wind.

So sorry.


But he kids will still be using the pool even if it does get windy which reminds me, I need to order more tent pegs.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

@CrowCat


www.ebay.co.uk/itm/254568444272


Steep price though.

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

And have you tried Argos too?

[saltinesandcoffeecups]

Oh dear, I haven’t really had anything to confess i’ve Been dutifully miserable at home...but I got caught doing the unthinkable.

1. I arranged for a hair dye drop and video tutorial from my stylist.
   
2. I bought a foot massager/warmer and had it delivered.
   

I have been told I am “not a very nice person”. Apparently I am now personally responsible for every Covid case in America...

But now my question is, do I get redemption points for all the people here rooting for the fall of the US?

Is there a rule book for all of this, it’s awfully confusing.