Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Morning sinners. Thanks for the new thread Princess. I'm happy to report that the temporary live in boyfriend, after going down this morning, was very impressed with the smell from my drains.
I've got a bit of a headache after consuming too much gin last night. This apparently makes me very, very annoying and childish according to my other favourite thread on mn which is about petty irritations. (the gin swilling, not the headache).
It would seem l am quite annoying as I'm guilty of many of the things listed. This makes me sad as most of the posters seem to be my kind of people. I'm sure they would like me if they looked beyond my fake tan, veneers, gin swilling and dog loving ways. Fortunately, my face is so tight from all of the annoying botox I insist on having, no one can tell how upset I am feeling at discovering that I am basically very irritating.
We had a bit of a quandary yesterday after the child took the dog out for a walk in the field. She met a random lady who chatted with her. Random lady kept her distance but the dog didn't. So, we (she), may be responsible for the dog causing mass murder although in truth, we were actually more concerned about whether the dog might now have virus lurking on her fur. We debated whether to quarantine her (the dog), spray her with disinfectant or not pet her for 24 hours. We opted for the latter but then forgot...so potentially we are all now doomed.
Temporary live in boyfriend is now getting ready to go to Halfords for some stuff for his classic car. This is not essential but will keep him amused for most of the day so l shan't report him. He's promised to look out for slimline tonic for me whilst on his mission irresponsible. This is essential for my sanity and rapidly expanding waistline. Does one act cancel out the other do you think?

Morning all.
Slept late cos i didn't go to bed at sensible time!
Need to go get shopping as freezer is emptying. Really want yo take ds2 as i will be peering at labels in vain without my reading glasses but i am sure it will bring the Rath of Khan down on me😊
Woke up with a sore head only had 2 large glasses of wine last night such a lightweight!

Need to dp bathroom ceiling at sime point will rope kids in they are taller than me😀

Considering a bacon butty to get me motivated off the sofa.

Have a good day in the miserable non enjoyment way of course

Hi all, hope you are having a good Easter and scoffing lots of chocolate! I'm just feeling virtuous as I've done a Zoom Pilates class. They've been really good actually as my back and hips were starting to.stiffen up from being such a couch potato!

Morning fellow terminators, let get slaughtering on a massive scale.
I want to go shopping today, a browse kind of shop where you dither between this mayo or that mustard kind of shop. I'm not going, just thought you should know I want to 🤷‍♀️

It's a lazy day again for me, all I gotta do later is cook. DP is like a marvel taking dogs out and gardening and painting sheds and the like.
I'm off in a minute for my hour long murderous bath.

I'm feeling guilty here for managing to get a delivery slot (there were loads available suddenly this week, I'm guessing they got a new truck) but in my defence I'm not living with my kids at the moment and I worry about them despite them being students - they may not appreciate the healthy food I chose rather than the money I normally give them each week!

Hello everyone, I have inadvertently stumbled into this thread from my usual haunts of terrifying statistics and doomsayers. It seems there are some rebels here and I may have a confession or two to make myself. However, mine are worse because I'm a Nurse and Should Know Better.
On Thursday I had a man who I do not know come into my house and clean my oven. He was very sensible, mask and glove wearing and cleaned down after himself, but DH and I did enjoy chatting to him from a 2m distance. I mostly enjoyed the thought of neighbours frothing at the sight of his van parked outside my house! I happen to feel continuing economic activity is a good thing where possible. DH is still working as he is self employed and while technically non essential he is very busy at the moment so clearly his customers find him essential!
Sometimes I let DS2(12) go for a second walk.
Sometimes I shop for food when I actually still have some.
I met DSIL in the car park outside my work on Friday and exchanged non essential Easter eggs, from a distance. I've probably murdered both our families...
I also let my cats roam the neighbourhood and they are probably killing hundreds of people by spreading the virus.
I ordered clothes online for the DCs, a book, some paint pens and some totally uneccessary hair dye.

I suppose I should hand back my registration and give myself a slap, right?

Gammeldragz

Oh the shame of your crimes! Next time you are at work douse yourself in iodine from head to toe to clense yourself of your sins and bonus is that then everyone will know when you go home that you have done pennance due to the lovely colour your skin has taken on.

It’s OK, I iodined one of my horses today. He’s older than god, so I don’t think he’ll mind taking on Gammel’s sins. God knows he tried to kill me enough times, a few more deaths won’t bother him.

Morning all. Consumed rather a lot of chocolate yesterday and am concerned we are single-handedly going to cause an obesity crisis. Please, forgive me

No worries @Cadburyegg . Here's a kind, fluffy, utterly supportive nasty judgy, fat shamey thread to assist in your quest for weight loss.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3879066-to-be-surprised-i-m-overweight

Dance thank your horse for carrying my sins. I'm making up for it today by still being in bed, having only moved to fetch coffee and chocolate. I'm now 'with cat' so will have to stay here until the cat moves. Luckily the DCs know where the fridge is, though they have probably also gone for the chocolate for breakfast option.

ragz, I hear your confession and raise you: a socially distanced chat with the elderly lady across the road. She was recently widowed and is finding it all very hard. I then shared some of my carrot bounty and an onion with her as she wanted to make soup. I have since washed my car with a hosepipe as it was covered in seagull shit, and in doing so exchanged pleasantries with several unknown passers by. I have been shamed on the NextDoor app for lack of the clap on Thursday and have just ordered non-essentials from JL for my DD’s birthday, plus a card from moonpig. Furthermore, I am waiting for a Hermes delivery. And it’s only noon.

I have returned from my super essential shop. I also got some cinnamon, just because. I think I even still have some in the house, so my careless actions have no doubt caused the death of suppliers, not to mention the cashier (who was lovely and chatty and like a regular human being and cheered me right up).

On my out, I passed the bouncer person on entry duty, chastising two elderly people in the queue for coming to do their shopping together when the Roolz apparently clearly state that only One May Enter. The elderly man smiled very sweetly and said they were going to go in together and if this caused a serious problem, then they were happy to wait at the end of queue. People behind them started to offer their place and HiVizAuthoritarian backed off and grumpily allowed them to pass, but just couldn't resist saying to them as they passed that next time one of them would need to stay home. Man replied with, "Yes, dear" and walked on by.

Now I would like to give the person the benefit of the doubt about the one-person-only-rule, but it wasn't signposted anywhere and this couple did not look like they were regular social media users, and the shop was actually pretty quiet. I don't think there was any need for them to be reprimanded like that. Was very pleased to hear the grumbling from the remainder of the queue, that I was not the only one who thought like this.

Since I came home, I have checked on-line and it doesn't specifically say that only One May Enter, so I am glad that they managed to get in together. I loved the man's attitude, he was determined to remain cheery and polite, but wasn't going to give an inch.

Of course, now that sweet elderly couple have killed at least 45 men, women and children and I bet they bought all the bread.

I bet that couple bought the entire stock of booze causing a national crisis to boot along with every bg of flour in the shop. Bloody pensioners how dare they step foot outside their door ever again?

Still havent prized the ds out of bed to come shopping with me, may need to use the -tattered and bloodstained- whip.

Have done washing and dishes and sod all else so far. I should be disinfecting the entire house and bleaching my eyeballs I suppose but I cba.

Smiler I love the two memes threads that are going just now so funny and so true for many of them .

I m truly shocked that we havent been swamped by the frothers on here. I also think there have been a lot of name changes as all those screaming at people for being the slightest bit concerned about CV19 have magically stfu or name chnged as none have come back to say "Oops I was wrong folks" and are now probbly taking up 'the cause' and screaming at anyone who dares to step outside for any reason at all. The amount of vitriol on here from the begining of the year towards anyone asking CV19 questions, people worrying about relatives and on the lovely friendly preppers threads etc was horrific. Calling people mentally unstable, scaremongers etc etc. None of the actual threads they were on were scaremongering at all they the screamers and abusers I mean just thought that they knew better than anyone else 'its just the flu, it wont be a big deal, stop worrying about nothing you fucking idiots, I will just get a next day delivery from Tescos if anything happens' types. (Would love to have seen their faces when they couldnt get a delivery for 3 weeks serves them right and I dont care if thats horrid or not.)

Ooh ds2 has surfaced, might get outside yet

OOOh the neighbours are still house painting, someone has an Asda deivery and I can hear some sort of work tool going....who do I report them all too, quick help. Its simply not cricket you know!

One May Enter, I read that in the voice of the caves of wonders from Disney's aladdin.

We had it at the supermarket. Told only one may go in. Yet the person on the door was clearly encouraging people to say they were vulnerable and couldnt shop alone.

It was dead inside. But so easy to shop.has anyone seen the NHS app, thread? Apparantly we are getting an app that will exchange codes with other phones we pass. If someone gets covid, all the people that have bene in proximity to you will get and alot.

I said I might download it, but would want to know what information is being kept, how it was kept etc. Apparantly, only people who will download it without asking questions are 'part of the solution'.

And we can all apparently trust our data with this app because apple and google are working on it.

Who knew, asking a question before giving people access to your phone isnt allowed either.

I've seen and read several threads about the tracing app. For some reason it bugs the hell out of me , I just can't put my finger in it and I'm not particularly tin foily or privacy conscious(I'm an idiot).

Would they be able to share the data with the police for example if it shows x went y miles away and has left the household 5 times or whatever?

Plus it feels pretty pointless with the lack of testing, people not being admitted unless in serious condition etc so why are they pushing it so much?

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I feel exactly the same. I am not overly precious about it. But I would like to know more.

I find it quite unsettling.

I think it's the level of manipulation people are trying. It's been a common theme since this started.

If you ask questions about the app, you are part of the problem not solution.

If you arent comfortable with not knowing how they will use it, you dont care about the '10s of thousands of people whose lives could be saved by downloading the app'

If you point out that it wont work without mass testing, you sre being stupid and of course they will do that. Even though theres no sign they will be doing that at all.

Its like the 'buying hair dye while at the supermarket makes you a murderer' all over again.

People genuinely believe that any sign you arent fully complying, without asking questions, makes a person morally corrupt.

It's weird.

Oh and someone actually used the line 'download the app, save lives'

And of course each few days South Korea and china are brought up and random things they have done have been hailed as the single solution.

Last week so many posters saying the fact that china and SK made wearing masks mandatory is the reason they have low numbers.

Before then it was mass testing

Before that it was that no one was allowed out, even for exercise. Just once every 3 days for food, alone.

Now its the tracking of people.

If their numbers are accurate, its likely to be a mix of everything.

One poster claimed that masks (not even proper masks, just fabric over your mouth) stopped spreading 100%.

Smile ...thanks for sharing the meme thread. It made me smile!

If China's numbers are correct I'm the frikking Queen .

This reluctance to question and anger at anyone that does baffles me. Even more so the refusal to even consider that maybe,possibly the government fucked up.

Boris is a fucking hero.

But are more than happy to put today's death toll on Joe Blogg's shoulders who went out twice today.

It makes no sense.