Cats , Flaps and The Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

The other thread is filling up fast so setting up the foundation for our new evil lair. One where we follow real guidelines, not made up ones, make sock cocks ,ruin hair and bemoan the shortage of Spanish soldiers.

This is where we'll keep each other sane or descend into madness together... depends on the day.

Yeah, the police are attending again. There were witnesses who stopped their cars.

Dad is giving her a call. He says when the police speak to her it's all about how my friend describes it, the way they record it. He says if they can get away with it and my friend seems calm, it will just be having a word again. He was a local policeman for 30 years, before he retired, got bored and joined the NHS. So hopefully he can help her.

I am not going round. I have spent the last 20 years, competition kicking boxing. I am not allowed to get into street brawls, unless defending myself. sensi will ban me, cant be having that.

But I want to. I really fucking want to though.

I am usually someone who calms quite quickly and then gets sneaky revenge. Angry, then emotionless calm.

Me and dp once fell out and he walked off upstairs and took is tablet. So I kept turning the wifi off. Everytime I heard him moving around upstairs, huffing and puffing, I would turn it back on, then off again. I am very petty like that.

She isnt unhinged, she is a twat though. Generally loud, thinks she can do what she wants, thinks that everyone in the village should do as she wants. She is also racist, ageist and disabilist.

@Shitsgettingcrazy that's so awful, this pandemic is really showing some people for what the cunts they are and it isn't the people going to the shops twice a week.

I am going for a bath. something tobeat and try and sleep.

I cant go round anyway. Knowing my luck i would punch her, get arrested, get banned from kick boxing lose my job and then get corona from punching her

By the way, the kick boxing is a hobby. I dont street brawl.

www.sendshit.co.uk

They seem to still be operating. Keep in mind for the boss too.

That's amazing! How did I not that existed.

Dps birthday this weekend! Not got a gift idea

I hope they arrest her. But more than that I hope she gets a fine for being outside her house for non essential reasons.

Again, petty, but I think that would make her scuttle into her house until its over.

A fine would definitely be poetic justice. With a child involved they should arrest her,she's dangerous now. I never suggest this but your friend should try and make it as dramatic and life threatening as possible.
Next time she might seriously injure someone or worse.

I don't know how you didn't know it existed either, I'm sure I suggested it before. I keep it bookmarked in my browser.

Need idea for DP's bday?

Always need ideas for dp. He is one of those 'I am not bothered. Let's not do anything' but secretly wants me to do something. I think he would find that funny actually.

Pain in the arse that he is!

I have loads of people I could send that too.

Yea she needs arresting. But I would love to make sure everyone knows she is ine of the knobhead that cant stay home!

I am calm now. It's just me. I am usually calm but once something pisses me off I go to raging quite quickly. Then back down to calm, quickly.

Does he like spicy stuff? There's a company that makes proper hot sauces.

Willy pasta? Considering pasta is like gold dust right now that's the equivalent of a Porsche.

Joke/fact of the day toilet paper?

Second hand damn you autocorrect book?

Toilet mini golf set if he's one of those that spends ages there ?

Projector that connects to phone,laptop, firestick etc so he can make his own home cinema in the bedroom?

Bicycle pizza cutter?

Does my sausage look big in this cooking apron?

There's sentimental shit and nice shit and what's he into shit plus the funny shit and actual shit.

Shit Shits that's awful I hope she does get arrested. It worries me that when this is over, people won't stop being cunt-y ...

I also need to confess. I went for my (permitted) walk today and combined it with a food shop. I have no bloody idea if the fruit, veg, eggs, milk and bread are considered essential or not. But ... I bought a cream egg. And hot cross buns. And Percy Pigs And when I got home I ordered an eyeliner and a lipstick ....

Make up is essential. Because WFM. And Zoom. I broke my eyeliner this morning trying to copy some Instagrammer (she said it was easy. It bloody wasn't).

On top of all that, I never clap ....

What's my penance??

My god that's an amazing list!

I had....possibly an new tablet. Maybe.

I am going to look at all those. I like the apron idea. He would find it funny and likes to cook.

I did promise some booze in the shop later this week, cook a nice a meal and get pissed.

It's my birthday in 2 weeks, so maybe going to something, for both, when this is all over. A weekend away or something.

It worries me that when this is over, peoplewon'tstop being cunt-y

Me too. But I am guessing the 'be kind' band wagon will circle back around.

That one pissed me off, mainly because it was the twattist people I know who were spouting it. And then the same twats used to use it as a get out cause, when they acted like twat and someone pulled them on it.

I think the same wanker people that berate others were also the #bekind people because they just love being part of the mindless FB twattery

In other news, I have updated sign. Cat is on my lap. Need to think of something to watch

@Shitsgettingcrazy what day is your birthday? Because then I can order a skip load of unnecessary flour and hot cross buns for you

Yeah the be kind was always going to be self congratulatory bs, but I got shut down and called bitter and twisted when I stated that.

And here comes corona where being kind is irrelevant when you're "saving" lives.

@GrumpyMug2 The good doctor.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock smoking???? In a lock down???? Definitely against regulation 654 c of the pandemic lockdown code (can I have one please?)

Shits imagine what I could do with some actual guidance and a list of possible likes.

what day is your birthday? Because then I can order a skip load of unnecessary flour and hot cross buns for you

Hahhhaa its 2 weeks away!

imagine what I could do with some actual guidance and a list of possible likes.

Well since you ask.

He likes food, but plain traditional british food, chocolate, biscuits

He likes the dogs, motorbikes, football and building stuff in the garden. Last year I got a ridiculously big decking built. This year, so far he has built a seating booth on the decking and a bar...because he is so bored.

Oh and vodka is his drink of choice. He voms on wine or beer

How limited is your budget? i saw vodka advent calendars but they're quite pricey.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/321603793482

These were a big hit with OH and DD.

We usually spend £50-£100.

I like the chocolate tool kit he is a proper chocoholic!

Can I join without having a cat..please please please?!

Ordered a skateboard online for DS...I know, on death row so be nice.

Love this thread and the other one. Would love a rowdy pub night with you lot, would need to be big but distancing wouldn't be a problem since I'll be bringing hoolahoops to play with see who lasts longest.

Thanks for this @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock

Have an imaginary cat if that helps, just to talk too. DS was an expert at socially distancing, from me anyway, before all of this, so we're set

I went out for a walk this evening. I was strolling slowly along taking pictures of the sunset. Suddenly noticed a policemen on his cycle coming my way. I fully expected to be arrested. I was more than 1km from home. I was STROLLING. And breathing. And taking unnecessary pictures. What did he do? He acted like a British Bobby rather than a Spanish policeman, that’s what! He said ‘beautiful sunset, isn’t it? Makes you remember this will all be over one day.’ Then as I gaped openmouthed, said ‘enjoy your walk’ - and pedalled off! I mean - WTAF? He didn’t even ask if I had clap. What sort of policing was that?

Alas, I've sinned again. Today someone was stroking one of the horses over the fence, and I forgot to scream 'keep your fucking covid hands away and stay at home you life stealing bastard'. And didn't bath the horse in dettol.

Luckily I had the opportunity for atonement. I am aware the adjacent farm still has people working, and as a responsible person I am discusted and apocalyptic with rage that greedy farmers are putting animal welfare and food production ahead of saving lives and protecting the nhs. So I used my foghorn to berate them and their needless refusal to let people work from home.

I'm also disappointed with pps that have mentioned going to work. Only icu nurses should be travelling to work. #nobodyneedsinfrastructure #beunemployed #savetheuniverse