30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

Gosh, thanks all: I feel more foolish (and yet more loved and cared for) than ever.

Lycra, the GP mentions it every time. And sends letters.

Question: one reason I've not been since TTC is that you have to go between days 10-20 of your cycle which would be after conception were I to get lucky, and I wasn't sure about having a smear under those circumstances - I assume it's OK, then??

Christ, I'm dead embarrassed to be caught out being so childish/ignorant/hapless

PS salty, thank you for doing any chanting at all, under the circs

I can play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata - third movement

Though quite slowly. And not very well.

Erotic dreams about Clarkson If that's the effect pregnancy has, then I don't think it's for me. More news about SisterBaby - he's a bit poorly and is covered in tubes and wires . He was only 6lb full term, so quite why she had a 40 hour 'mare I can't imagine. Have seen pix though and he looks healthy enough, apart from the tubes and wires of course. She looks like death barely warmed up - made me cry.

Scorps you're welcome to use my phrase, though I will of course expect royalties.

Heads I've never been told to go for a smear at a specific time. I thought theycould be done whenever, as long as you weren't actually on.

Could we get a piano through the Palais doors d'you think? I'd like to hear some of the lovely BESHmusic.

HB I think they tell you that vecause your cervix is in a good position, I think if you were diffed it would be fine AND like WiseMuse says, you can go at any time as long as you are not with Droid.

My gorgeous Mr S just came back from shop with my fave wine, flowers AND a giant piece of brie. I loves him, I do....

Aw, Salty, am glad Mr S is treating you like a queen

And I think 'avin' a knees-up raaahnd the old joanna would be just the ticket at certain times!

HB, I've always been told you can have a smear any time except droid time. Saying that, I usually book them for about D10-13. Stop making excuses and spread 'em!

RieRie, sorry to hear your sis and nephew are so poorly at the mo. If it helps reassure you at all, I was 6lb 1oz when born (although at 36 weeks) and I turned out okay (although I realise that could be considered debatable ). They're both through the worst and will be getting the best help available. Please send them both lots of love and getwellsoon vibes from all his BESH Aunties

PS I farkin LOVE CDWM. Dave Lamb is a god!

Headcase they just scrape around the entrance to your cervix. Any baybee making action at that point is going to be happening much higher up, around your fallopian tubes and around the top of your uterus, and any fertilised egg wouldn't have implanted at that point anyway.

And, to put it fairly bluntly, if the fertilised egg had gone so far down without implanting that it was at the neck of your cervix where they're scraping, it's pretty unlikely it would "take" anyway.

Any bleeding you get from a smear is generally just irritation from the entrance of the cervix rather than a "true" period bleed. As far as I understand, anyway.

And lastly, it would be far worse to get pregnant and then find out via scans etc that you had any sort of uterine pathology going on which could potentially threaten theb's viablity.

So...

GET A FUCKING SMEAR, HEAD!
GET A FUCKING SMEAR, HEAD!

Only cos we loves ya.

ps Rierie I could hear the wobble in your voice reading that post my luvva. I'm sorry they've had such a shaky start. But in some ways better that the medics knew in advance so they can be all over it now, rather than your nephew struggling neonatally and no-one spotting it for ages.

Your sis will get there, too. I burst into tears the first time I looked in a mirror after giving birth cos I scared myself! But look how stunning I am again now

I'm mortified at draining BESHly energies with my reckless speculum-dodging ways

I shall be making an appt for this week.

Aries my dear one, it is all Very Frightening. But both sis and nephew (eek!) are in Good Hands, and come the next sunny day there'll be roses in cheeks and smiles on faces! Love to you all.

Salty I do feel a right bell-end wittering on about my silly cervicular vicissitudes when actually I should just be sitting quietly next to you passing you tid-bits and playing you soothing music. I hope you've rested well and that MrS is carrying on treating you like a queen, as is only right and correct.

Score luvver, didja meet the cuzzins?

No, will be meeting the cuzzins first week of Aug when we go down to the ILS for our mandatory summer visit (sorry I didn't make that clearer). 'Tis the highlight of my summer

HB your cervix is a fascinating topic of convo although can I still have the tid-bits? You are most definitely not a bell end.

Arieybreeze I do hope your sis is feeling better today - my best friend in all the world went into actual medical shock on the the birth of my nephew. Sure she and the small ariesnephew will soon perk up.

morning BESHies. Am a bit flat today.Feels as though my hormones might be getting themselves back in order, so I just have to get on with the job of not being diffed any more. Again.

Still, I'm sure going on the school residential with 60-odd 13 year olds will snap me out of it.....

ginhag is in the wilds on hols with no interwebulator, but she asked me to send Salty love.

60+ 13 year olds eh? Careful of them - when I was teaching they would make me run into the toilets crying anyway, without having gone through what you just have. Look after yourself Salty. Where are you going?

salty so sorry to hear your news. Hope you are being kind to yourself, and giving yourself time. Glad Mr S is looking after you.

Oh Salty. Do you absolutely have to go? I guess at least it will leave less headspace for menkul but it sounds Like Hard Work to me.

A thought occurred to me this morning Salty - did they do any blood tests on you while you were going through it all? I just wondered if you could see what your progesterone readings were - I know low prog readings can be one of the things that cause MCs. So if they did, maybe you could ask to see the numbers. I read about a woman who kept having MCs and eventually they realised her prog levels were too low and that she needed to be on supplements for the first trimester in order not to MC. That's all. I don't know if that's helpful or not, if not feel free to ignorebut just putting it out there in case...

GAFSH!
GAFSH!
GAFSH!
etc

Thanks Cass....they did take bloods so perhaps I could ask them. Should I just call the ward d'you think?

I go on Monday a.m. - tbh at I won't have time to mope, so perhaps it isn't all bad!They have enough hormonal menkul for everyone!!

Oh, and HB GAFSH.

...Jees, it never ends. Just checked my emails to find joyous news about my cousin (same age, spent alot of time together when growing up)just having popped out a baybee.

I am of course delighted for her, but could have done with her crossing her legs for a week or so!

Am selfish cow.

No you're not, you're grieving. I wept bitter tears when second SIL announced her pregnancy weeks after the ectopic. It's normal. It doesn't make us feel good, but it's normal. Give yourself a break.

I am cooking up some super-duper chilli here if a bowl would help cheer you up. Goes nicely with a cold beer.

Already having beer. Chilli would be lovely. Although am now crying over the kind offer of virtual chilli.

perhaps hormones not settled quite yet

Salty

Muse speaks wise words as always. The BESH candle's still lit.

As I've said on here many times before, I can forgive my little brother for being a shit when we were kids (mostly) purely for the fact he's dating a 23-yr old who is v career-orientated and insistent on not even thinking about kids until she's 30 All my cousins are in their 50s/late 40s, cos my Uncle is so much older than my Mum, so thankfully I don't have to deal with them ensprogulating (although two of their kids are already parents! Not together, I hasten to add; we're not like THAT ). As for pals winning baybees, I cleverly solve that by being a Billy No Mates

Salty, I hope you'll be able to cope. Not calling you a wimp not nuffink; I just want you to take care of yourself I guess if anything could take your mind off lovely babies then a gaggle of heinous teeny brats will do it! Don't overdo things (and don't be afraid to use some of those awful things the Government approves for controlling naughty kids)

HB, I think the only way you will now satisfy our thirst for you to GAFSH is if you take a cheery cameraphone pic of you giving the lens a big thumbs-up each as the nurse ratches the speculum open

DPO9 and I have not 2WOOFLed yet. Is this some kind of record? I feel quite nostalgic and sad - when I started TTC this time last year I used to 2WOOFL over eeeeeverything ("I farted! I'm clearly pregnant! I've got a blister from my new sandals! It must be twins!"), which is how I won my Crown of Menkul Now I don't even see any reason to get my hopes up 1%. At least now I'm consistently pessimistic about every area of my life...

Tasers, you mean Scorps? I will indeed be using them.

Well done on the nonwoofling too. You are legend.

HB could demand a dildo cam whilst having smear. Give us all ringside seats.

Excellent plan! I think HB's Dildocam should be in 3D and we could all wear the special glasses

Disclaimer: I fucking hate popcorn.

Tasers are for pussies - I'm talking pindown, snooker balls in gym socks, knuckles to the jugular or the muscle betwixt thigh and groin, all that shit Or a classic bitchslap - they never go out of fashion! Hmmm, I may have been adversely affected by watching Scum at a young age (Trufax: evil, bullying, mental tutor I had at drama college was in that. I used to love the scene where he got a good thumping ).

Dunno about being a legend. Miserable caaah is more like it. Possibly require a refreshing bitchslap of my own. C'mon ladies, the violence has been v lax of late... get stuck into me

aaalllrriight Laaaaaddiiieess

salty very sorry to here your news ... t'is truely awful. But is true BESH fashion here is a Three Stoogies stylie poke in the eye to cheer you up.

Scorps - Love your idea of school discipline. AAAHHH just like the good old days at boarding school. When school was HARD!!