30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

(Secretly of course I'm never intimidated by anyone unless they know that the gerund functions as a noun and therefore takes a possessive pronoun, AND can play Bach's Prelude 21 )

Really, really, really sorry it didn't work out Salty . Guess the candles don't work every time. Sending lots of gentle hair strokes and quiet time with Mrs S.

Salts so sorry. 'Tis shite and I am really sorry you have to go through it.

Mountgomery Burns, I wish! To have that slim figure and the bank account! I can compete with him on the nose front though.

As you have all raised eachother's spirits, all that is left is bitchslaps and special kick to Polly for the Jeremy Clarkson dream.

Head that's, like, the easiest of the preludes, give me a REAL challenge!

ps Head Mt Stew is also something of a gint at 6'4" and continues the trend in all departments and I have, on occasion, bled if we've been going for it a bit.

But only a tiny bit, in truth. Less so than yours sounded. Are you up to date with your smears?

A gint??? A GIANT!!!

I'm four years behind on smears despite the last one having apparently meant that I needed another one

My defence is that the OM and I, being (nearly) childhood sweethearts, have only ever slept with each other (trufax!), and 95% of cervical cancer is caused by an STI virus.

I know though, I really know. I do. Idiocy.

Go and get a smear Heads. Seriously. Do it. My friend has just had to have a hysterectomy as she had early onset cervical cancer. Even with OM being your first and only (awww) it's not worth chancing. It takes 5 minutes, is mildly uncomfortable, and may save your life.

Thank you, Muse. You are of course right. The OM has also just said thank you...

BANGERS, GET A SMEAR, YOU LADYFOOL! Yeah, they're not a barrel of laughs but they're better than the alternative. I'd put mine off for several years and had had internal soreness, which I thought was a combo of 'getting older so just one of those things' and TYF being a Big Boy, but it was cervical erosion (harmless but painful). I could've had it sorted out years ago.

Thank you for your kind words about first impressions. I know it's true; I'm such a fucking perfectionist that I can't handle being anything other than amazing when meeting others (for my own sense of security, not trying to outdo others). They will note that I have nice hair and dress well and then I will daze them into semi-consciousness by the way I waffle like it's an Olympic sport when I'm feeling shy or nervous (you lot think I talk a lot on here? Wait till you meet me for the first time!). And you are NOT a gauche heffalump throwback, however much you like to portray yourself as such. Terrifyingly brainy, insultingly beautiful, properly hilarious is what you are.

Head, when you say the last one said you needed another one, what do you mean, did it throw up some anomalies?

They're probably absolutely nothing, those sorts of results happen all the time. But please, as Musealot said, just get it booked in. See it as part of your ttc MOT, that's what I did. Another thing crossed off the list.

What I would say is that I would probably think it worth asking for it to be done by your practice GP rather than nurse, and mentioning to the GP that you've had some midcycle and postintercourse spotting for some time now; then they can do a proper internal as well as a smear, get a better look, check for cervical erosion and inflammation, not just the big C word.

I'm going to stalk you now until you've made the appointment....

Friable cervix pencillead? Ask Dr Google.

Thank you, you lovely lot for being so gentle and kind and generally gorgeous.

castanets no, no idea.

Oh look, crossposting with Scorpula about cervical erosion (keep getting mental image of cliffs eroding when I type that)

Yes, Salty, we're just making conversation really. You're right slap back centre in our thoughts and hearts though this afternoon.

Salty fat lot of bloody help they were then

Hope you're being gentle to yourself over there.

And if it helps, I got diffed after having my smear. A coincidence? Yeah probably.

I am watching Come Dine With Me. I know how to partay on a Saturday night.

Oh dear god please don't stop chattering! i know you understand where I'm at, but it would kill me if you started doing that uncomfortable silence thing - AND sometimes people being kind for too long makes me cry....

Crying is fine, but it doesn't get one anywhere after a while...

Heartystew I don't know that they can tell what happened, can they? Will be some sort of faulty chromosome ishoooo I imagine - it really helps me to think of it like that - that the pregnancy was never going to work, and that it only went on for as long as it did because the faulty bit wasn't needed yet. Don't know why that helps...

salty so, so sorry to hear your news.

ps I'm watching that too Mussels...

You got diffed after having your smear? What,immediately?

Who knows what they put on that speculum salty...

HB - you've been having all these tests and shiz with your marvellous GP. You went to see him/her originally with mid-cycle bleeding. Has he/she never said "and when was your last smear?" Hmm? Hmm?

I know of two women who died of cervical cancer in their mid-twenties (not counting her off the telly).

I would like you to book an appointment on Monday, please.

salty I'm so sorry to hear your news. Hope you're taking care of yourself.

Am also watching Come Dine With Me. Think arse has been welded to the sofa.

HEady shall join the Greek chorus of "get a fucking smear". Should definitely be part of your TTC health planning (along with checking your vaccinations are up to date)