30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

How about some Bouncy Single Ladies Scorps? Because I have been watching the wonderful Kurt do it on Glee.

I spent today with my mum and a hangover. I wouldn't recommend combining the two. But I did enjoy cooing at all the pretty clothes in the V&A.

Now, could someone fast forward this month please? I am so close to being able to SWI and I'm officially bored.

Hello everybody peeps well would you fuckeb believe it, my 'period' was 6 hours of ovaltine, then nada.

My body is fucking with me. The part of me that is just a DREAMSAILOR has of course being googling implantation all day, but no cigar! Please desist'the menkul', ibeseech you!!!

cho.erk. I can say nothing,but I shall helpfully headbutt you....

Hope that helped? Here, have a limoncello.

Weird night. Have properly drunk meself stupid n talked to mr gin and very good (male) friend about everything,and probably tooooooo much about babyfail. Face still hurts,mooch has cold so will prob be awake at 3am. Aaah fuckit may as well finish the wine.

Incidentally was explaining my relationship with you guys to our friend earlier. And it reminded me... I HEART Y'ALL!!!

And,cos I missed looking after lorry yesterday when she was feeling low,I have penned an ode,all special-like:

Lorry
I'm so sorry
that you are feeling blue
so have this huge hot toddy
and an absinthe chaser too.
I hope that you feel better
when you're snuggled up in bed
but if you need some random violence
I will nut you in the head.

Well,I feel shite. Went to bed sometime after 1am,mooch up just after 6. I should know not to listen to anyone saying 'oh it's still sooooo early' when I think about going to bed at 11 when I am the only one that will have to do morning duty. Obviously the fact I now have a hangover to go with my throbbing jaw is fantastic news tho.

ace ode BeGintlewithmetoday, we could tweak that for any of us in our low moments. Speaking of which, nuts in the lady goolies for FordScorpio and ChopSuey TheMuse I too want to fast forward the month, but for opposite reasons to you. Were you at the Grace Kelly exhibition - I thought the frocks were lovely.

A Grace Kelly exhibition? There has never been anyone as beautiful as her.

Love the ode Ginn360

Have just S-edWI. Day 10. Too early? Oh it's never too early . We then talked about sperm counts - how romantic. Also talked about MN - he has an innate distrust of online forums and thinks I am getting sucked into a cult whose members are really axe-wielding perves who are preying on vulnerable sad desperate women who want a baby. Do any of you fit that description? The axe wielding perve bit of course - the latter goes without saying. Come on, OWN UP.

No, of course not.

Her clothes were lovely, I coveted a lot of them, plus the Hermes bag.

I had a random thought last night while SWI/SFF - if there is a fertilised egg in there trying to implant, could my orgasms upset its delicate balance?

We didn't go to the Grace Kelly exhibition as it was sold out. So we just looked at the general fashion exhibition and the shiny things. Was good fun.

ChoChoCheepyChirpChirp I think the solution is to POAS. G'wan.

Medee Now you know you're not going to dislodge a fertilised egg. Keep SFF.

Already poas'ed (I know, I'm such a saddo!). And negatory, but that is to be expected anyway given that it's only 21 days since last droid started. Nothing to see yesterday, but braaahn back today. Thing is, I am supposed to be doing bloods on CD 1 to 3 this month, so if this is droid I need to go tomorrow.

It is a bit baffling really as not droid like at all, BUT I did have only a three week cycle last month, and hysteroscopy might have left debris that is making an apearance now.

Aries, we are psychotic nutters, but tell dh we usually come for the families first...BWAAHAHA etc.

Oooh, get you Medee. You and your orgasms!

Have one before fertilising. But on the other hand, I'd heard that having one after the shagging helps. So many myths and legends. How did our grandmothers, who presumably NEVER had orgasms, get diffed?

Deffo orgasm after fella comes, the contractions suck the jizz up into the cervix. Dr Robert Winston showed actual footage of it happening. It might prove easier to do it twice than expect him indoors to attend to your needs immediately after suffering the petit mort!

Don't include my Gran in that, ArielTheLittleMermaid - my Gran is always chatting about what a 'magnificent lover' my Granddad was and how she's so pleased people talk about sex nowadays as she thought it was such nonsense that everyone had to pretend not to do it or that they didn't enjoy it, back in the day (perhaps hearing your Gran discuss her past sex life is one of the downsides of being a totally open family? She's not crude or unclassy, btw, just straightforward ).

Aaaaaanyway, orgasms won't dislodge a burgeoning win, MeDEEEEEEEEEEEEE (geddit?). Have also been told/thought that orgasm is really good for yer female workings and tones the Wimbledon Common and all that, making it a nicer landing place for a lucky eggywegg to settle into. So go for it!

I'm too depressed about my weight to go to the gym. That makes sense, right? Right?

Your nana sounds like a babe! Actually come to think of it, my grandma ran off and left her first husband and hooked up with another, only marrying in 1978. So maybe she was a bit of a minx too.

Re the orgasm thing, how do you get the bloke to get fiddling in his post coital coma? Shake him?

Or kick him?

maybe just DIY, I know MrM is good for little post-coitally.

I fear I can never meet you all in the flesh, as you know far too much about my sex life.

I was just thinking that. We are guilty of fred-murder. Too much frankness. I didn't think that was even possible.

I'm back! Had lovely time away, very relaxing but never mind all that shiz, what's been going on in here? Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do, but am I too late for the tequila bundle?

Oh nothing much. No diffments, lots of tears and foul language and coming soon, to a theatre near you.....THE BESH MUSICAL! (much to Gin's chagrin)

Lovely to see you back. How's tricks? You be careful with all that ninja rolling and glass breaking.

Hola Aries. I'm afraid I'm with Ginsters on the musicals. Glee Club, now that is different.

Scorpalicous where are you? Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Come and nestle on the sofa with me and watch Glee repeats. Is your hospital appt this week?

It's all gone quiet, have I killed the fred? Where is everyone? I've missed all you lot for the last week and now you are not here. WAH!

welcome back, Pollyputthekettleon, where were you?

'lo Medee! Sounding good for you this month, I will be keeping everything crossed. We went to Dorset for 10 days, not v glamorous. Or hot. But at least it didn't rain. I think I have put on about a stone due to fish and chips, curry, ice cream and the most spectacular muffins ever made - blueberry cheesecake. Nomnomnom. Oh my god, they were to die for. I am now suffering horribly due to my weird food intolerances but hell, it was worth it!

Laurie and Aries, sorry about bastard droid. I had v high hopes for you two this month.

As fer the rest of ya, have a pinch on the arm and some flaming sambucas, I am too tired for proper violence and anyways, I've got to nip out to collect the takeaway. Diet starts tomorrow!

thanks Poo - those muffins sounds good. MrM bought me the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook as an anniversary present, around about the same time we started trying to eat healthily - dammit! It has a recipe for a strawberry cheesecake cupcake.

ooh, not long till a new thread.