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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

998 replies

ChoChoSan · 02/02/2010 16:14

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

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Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 12:16

Fuck Gin, that's such a pain...you can't even put it all behind you, until you know you are sorted out.

Happy to help with the scientific survey by the way...next week shall we do a study on how to get diffed by asking all the BESHies how many people they know who know other people who got pregnant immediately as soon as they relaxed/ as soon as they booked their fertility treatment/as soon as they gave up trying?

Might be helpful...

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Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 12:17

Gin...we could compare foofs, and make polite conversation amongst ourselves (about our hats), rather than talking to the examining doctors!

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Scorpette · 03/02/2010 12:21

Rollo, sorry about the droid, the metal bastard

If peeps are discussing their flow, then here's mine: I have anything from 2-10 days of spotting - the infamous braaaaaahn bits and/or pink panther (although it's sometimes just weak blood) - then a mental day of heavyish flow and severe pains, one day of moderate flow, then one day of spotting. And might get the odd tiny spot for another couple of days. So only really 2 days of 'proper' flow. Don't forget, the amount of stuff you actually lose is quite small, so 2 full-on days doesn't sound too short. Cycle is usually 27-28 days, but once in a while, can be anywhere between 24-31 days.

ginhag · 03/02/2010 12:23

cho I got pg...successfully...by having 'given up on the whole thing' and getting plastered several times.

Which is sort of like the 'please don't phone the social' version of Relax And It Will Happen...

I was much better behaved with the last 2...unsuccessful...pgs. For all the fucking good it did!

Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 12:23

Talking of the pill (as Lyra was), the Boyf and I haven't used contraception for 9 years, though only TTC for 4 years.

We should have thought that something was wrong, but just assumed that the Boyf was very tidy with no pre-semen (or whatever it's called..."Ur-spunk"?), although that might just be because he has got a PA, and it could not make it past the metal

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Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 12:25

Hooray for drunken sex!!

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ginhag · 03/02/2010 12:25

Ooo cho what a fab idea,let's make it a social occasion! Much more fun than watching jeremy Satan Kyle in the waiting room whilst rocking gently and muttering...

Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 12:27

God, yeah.

They always have that shit on in the waiting room, dont they...on the rare occasion that the boyf has accompanied me, he has turned it off (he's tall enough to reach the button) to applause from other people!

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ginhag · 03/02/2010 12:27

cho did he faint when he got the PA

ginhag · 03/02/2010 12:29

I always seem to be in the epu,surrounded by lardy pasty teenagers who of course are gonna have successful pgs who are all fucking riveted by jeremy Kyle and his cuntface.

PollyPoo · 03/02/2010 12:31

As we are talking droids, I get one day heavy flow, one day medium, then one or two days very light/spotting. I worry it is not enough to sustain any BOC.

Eadwacer · 03/02/2010 12:31

cho I sniggered massively at the PA and now my boss wants to know what I'm looking at.

The droid should be rattling its way towards me tomorrow, so I had a rummage around for evidence and nothing. So of COURSE I have decided that despite the OM not having reached an ecstatic conclusion to the two times we got it orn, nonetheless the meagre moistening at the time (Ur-Spunk!) was obviously SEETHING with energetic sperm, and I had a baker's dozen eggs hanging about, and basically I should head to Mothercare with the £3.41 remaining on my Egg credit card.

DRIBBLING MENKUL.

CUNextTuesday · 03/02/2010 12:34

ur-spunk?? oh that's made me wheeze with mirth, closely followed by a prolonged coughing fit (manflu innit). Thanks cho

Eadwacer · 03/02/2010 12:44

MASSIVE SNORE OF THE DAY

TwinkleToes76 · 03/02/2010 13:13

I'M SOOOOOOO BOOOOOOORED.....somebody amuse me please before I lose the will to live.

Anyone done that facecrack doppelganger week thingy? I'm not, but I do have one - Alicia Silverstone. I can't see it myself - I am FAR more beautiful, of course - but we do both have a weird crooked smile. There's my interesting personal fact for the day.

Eadwacer · 03/02/2010 13:20

Tinkletoes - the two that most often come up for me are Freddie Flintoff if he was a girl, and Kim Wilde. Soon as Freddie laid of the pies and booze the resemblance disappeared apparently

TwinkleToes76 · 03/02/2010 13:26

Freddie Flintoff??!! Kim's quite a hottie though . Are you blonde with pouty lips?

salander · 03/02/2010 13:29

eadindaclouds - you and i must look at the same idiotic freds, i clocked that one also and could only barely refrain from putting my head through the fucking computer screen. i feel your pain re droid, also imminently due and aware there is nae chance.

twinks there's a game somewhere in the web ere where you can discover which superhero you are. kept me mildly amused for a few mins!

Bessie123 · 03/02/2010 13:35

oh my god, that sausage casserole thread is the most boring one I have ever seen. Surely those people must have something more interesting to do, like dusting their skirting boards.

Eadwacer · 03/02/2010 13:35

Twinkle I have an awful lot of untidy dark blonde hair and at school used to get ticked off for wearing lipstick, when I wasn't. . . which explains the resemblance to Freddie HAR HAR HAR.

Obviously I make Kim Wilde look like a sack of spanners.

salander I literally cannot believe how fucking dull some people's lives are.

Obviously mine is one endless tiring round of drinking absinthe from the slippers of virgin lute-players and fending off the attentions of Hugh Laurie doing his House impression.

TwinkleToes76 · 03/02/2010 13:44

Thanks Sal - I am Flash. Who the bloody buggery is Flash??

salander · 03/02/2010 13:49

Not the Queen song, twinks, no? 'flash aahaaaaah' sung in freddie mecury's voice obv - tv series mibbe?

ead - that image may stay with me for the rest of the day

salander · 03/02/2010 13:49

I am Robin, by the way

Eadwacer · 03/02/2010 14:04

I am Superman. I am "You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others."

All of which begs the question why I got so out of breath climbing 3 flights to my office I nearly threw up, and cannot do the hoovering because it makes my arms hurt.

Original poster
ChoChoSan · 03/02/2010 14:08

Gin...yes...how did you guess...of course he fainted...he's a fucking needlephobe...the doofus...ah well, at least he was only seventeen...mebbe forgot he didnae like needles!

This month for some reason I am mega optomistic that I will partake of the updiff, so I will be pushing knobEad out of the way at the checkout in Mothercare.

By the way, Ead what a fabulous picture you evoke of your lifestyle! That casserole thread was even more pointless than the tweedcoat thread that FlightAttendant saw fit to write a post the length of Magna Carta on yesterday

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