The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

[ChoChoSan]

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

my ds has asked me to make him two superhero costumes for the summer (we fancy dress at festivals)

a 'proper' Batman one and a Flash Gordon outfit. The latter made me howl with laughter as he has a shock of blonde hair and could indeed pass as a mini-me version of Flash.

The highlight of my day has been collecting some suits from the dry-cleaners. Some invisible force dragged me into the bakers and made me spend money of cream cakes. This invisible force then made me eat a cream cake before i had my lunch. How terrible.

Now i have to do boring housework.

Hello BESHies. So I got a nice long wait this morning for the nurse to tell me that (1)my HCG levels were rubbish (2)my progesterone levels were even more rubbish, which means (3)failed pregnancy.

Took more blood to check my HCG levels are going down and I don't have an ectopic pregnancy lurking.

Then I went and gave a 2 hour presentation for work which got rave reviews, and now I'm writing a report. Life is insane.

Cuntsticks muser, seiously thats so ghastly. Sending mucho sympathy and owt else which might be of use - bottle of gin, bosom smothering, etc.

So sorry it didn't work out Muser . I don't know how you managed to carry on and do a massive presentation after that, you're obviously a very strong BESH. Be kind to yourself mate xx

That is a crock of shit muser but you don't need me to tell you that. Have one on me.

Kudos for aceing the presentation you're a trooper girl.

fucking hell Muse. It's just shit, it really is. And I've no idea how you got on your feet afterwards...you're made of sterner stuff than I'll ever be.

That's wank muser and I too am astounded by your resilience. Well done on being so damned strong. But that doesn't mean we can't send you hugs ((muse))

blimey. What a woman. Really sorry this is happening for you, muser - palace is feeling very melancholy and sober today.

[claps hands] David! Jensen! Bring on the amusing men and flaming sambucas.

aw, muser, that sucks big ones. Well done on getting through the presentation, but take care of yourself.

Sorry BESHbabes I really wasn't trying to put a downer on anything, and I wasn't out for sympathy. I was just trying to put a bit of perspective into it - one drink a month or whatever during a diffness is just nothing compared to somethings we do everyday without even thinking about it, is what I was getting at I think.

but it's been a long day and I'm still at work, so who knows what I was trying to say!

Muser ok, I brought some activites for you to help keep your mind off of all this shite. 100 plates with cleaning service, a shotgun and clay pigeons with plenty of shells, pictures of those friends and family that have said stupid things to you along the way and rotten tomatoes! Seriously, I'm SO very sorry you have to go through this!!! Have one on me and snuggle up on the couch, work can wait a day. much love xx

ginny no, I haven't had laproscopy they did HSG on me instead to see if the tubes were rubbish and what I needed to do (actually they've done it twice by two diff docs) once after the ectopic and once while I was under for the hysteroscopy. It's less invasive than a lap, but they say that if you are going to try naturally then you should have a lap done to check out all structures.

Cosmosis I think you are ace, and I'm sorry to hear about your mum and brother. OMG you ATE BRIE???

Jesus Christ, Muser, you are superwoman. Here, accept this crown for being Queen Uber-BESH

KayScorpetta - I do not leave the house without enough paint to tart up the Forth Bridge. I blame this on not having been allowed to wear the stuff as a child (and by 'as a child' I mean 'roughly up to the age of 24').

My FB profile is currently Kim, but the OM reckons I most resemble this bitch. She's the statue of the Virgin in the Lady Chapel at Ely Cathedral. Tell me: did you ever see so flagrantly non-virginal a set of hips?

Wow, those are some super hips. She gives me a run for my money!

MrM has bought pink fizzy wine and sponge pudding. Life is ok.

I have a boyish figure, including hips. Which was great when I was slimmer but now am a bit overweight, I just look like a slightly tubby boy with pronounced gynecomastia. That Virgin Mary is hot stuff - no wonder the Angel Gabriel was all 'damn, I need to tap that ass' an' shit.

Sorry, I have a tendency to lapse into talking like characters from The Wire. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

My evil Bossfriend (should be 'friend') also says I look like a 'pretty Catherine Tate without the squashed face'. Yeah, cheers for that Have also been called a 'girly Sandra Bullock'. Meh.

Glad Mr M is looking after you properly, Muser. You are a stronger/less menkul woman than I.

Wish I had a boyish figure, Scorpion. My hips are (and this is not a joke) FIFTEEN inches bigger than my waist. If lose weight my waist gets smaller and my ass stays the same size. Me = freak. Dressing's impossible. Only a handful of people on this planet have ever seen me in jeans. I figure payback time'll come if I have a baybee - one contraction and that thing'll shoot out like a wet bar of soap. Muser* your fella's plainly a diamond. A gem. And no more than you deserve.

Yeah, but my hips are only 4-6 inches wider than my (broad) waist, which also makes buying jeans and trousers impossible, as they are made for generally pear-shaped wimmin. I have to dress really well not to look like a transvestite Humpty-Dumpty (I also have limbs disproportionately longer than my torso). My Mum has the same problem, but gets round it by being a size 8, the thoughtless cow

Give MrM a grope from us too. I'm sure the last couple of days haven't been his best either.

Pear this, apple that, it's just important that we use what we got!

The snigger was meant to come after the bar of soap gag ... it looks awful where it is!

Bah! Found you! Trying to sneak off to another fred like that.

cos had no idea about your family history. As you say, puts things into perspective. But BRIE? Honestly, couldn't you have gone for something easier on the diff, like smack?

muser kick to the shins & all that. You are one brave, brave lady. Your fella sounds pretty cool too. Stick his nuts in a vice as an act of love from the BESH's.

Waist, hips - I'm just too scared to measure mine. Spose relatively in proportion, just the size of a small country.

No news to report here - droid about to leave, appointment with fertility clinic looming, no major disasters in work & Six Nations starts on Sat. All those lovely manly thighs, .

So all good here!

Aw, fanks everyone. I don't feel very brave, I think I'm just in denial. And absolutely bloody determined that things are going to work out.

And I keep reading stories of women who go for their 12 week scan and find out the baby stopped developing. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like. I am weirdly grateful that mine are so early, because that means I've never really had the time to think of BOC as a baby. And physically it's so much easier as well. So I'm kind of counting my blessings.

Morning muse. know you don't feel brave,but you look it from where we're sitting!

At risk of sounding like a wanker again,make sure you let yourself be sad/pissed off/angry etc etc if you need it. If you bottle it too much it tends to hit ya like a sledgehammer.

My mum is a massive believer in the whole positive outlook thing.and it did seem to help her a lot after breast cancer...so maybe there's summat in it. Personally it's something I'm a bit crap at at the mo. Must Try Harder.

Btw I had one of those scans. There wasn't even a 'baby' just a sac n stuff that kept growing n kidding my fucking stupid body I was pg. Had morning sickness n everything. The scan was like looking into a black hole...

poo if you around sorry I haven't mailed yet darling. Just read your mail this morning,mooch not giving me much time to think. Sending you beeeeg beeeg smooches tho luvver x

Cos I can't imagine what you must have been through but thanks for posting it to make sure we keep everything in perspective.

To add to the mental images, my waist/hip ratio is rather nice, actually. Though my tummy sticks out further than even my new, improved boobs. And I was once told I look like Rosamund Pike - which I relayed to TSF proudly only for him to laugh and laugh and laugh. So perhaps I don't. Can't see it myself. Esp as she is blonde and elegant of face and I am dark and a bit potato-faced. Someone else said one of the Nolans but I have been in denial about that ever since....

I've got toothache. Bah.

Bucks fizz all round? (hold the orange)

Morning dahlink BESHies
muse you are v brave, no way i could have gone to work after that, would have been blibbering wreck. your man sounds indeed fab and brilliant.

vag GAH to the toothache, i believe gargling with gin is known to have beneficial effect on same

snogs to all. i await droids arrival. joy.

Oh I have been told darryl hannah, she got big ol' face like me. However mr gin sees more resemblance to the chimp in being john malcovich. He's still starry eyed obv.

I am also uma thurman's foot twin.

Which brings me to Interesting Fact of the Day.

Kate winslet has size 11 feet. Troof.