The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

[ChoChoSan]

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

I have no idea what a normal cycle length is either. Mine is 29 days or so, I bleed for around 4-5 days. I don't think there's really a 'normal' though, these things are sent to confuse us.

Muser, I feel same as gin, like everything I think of to say is just idiotic and you'll want to punch my lights out. But not saying anything at all would be awful, you know? so I guess what I mean is - it can't be that there's nothing to be done. Even if it means pushing and kicking and screaming until you get answers, there'll be something.

But um, for now battening down the hatches and hibernating is probably quite a good strategy. You can't fight on all fronts at once: no-one can.

See that does sound like wank! But I wanted to try

Yeah muse I very much know that feeling. Is fucking horrible,and you do really wonder how many times you can go through it....

I can't say nuffink,I know that. Just want you to know my heart goes out to you luvver. Mail me if I can ever be a useful person to yell at.

Muse am absolutely gutted for you, I can't believe it's happening again. I don't really know what to say as, like Gin says, it all sounds like wank. Are you going back for a scan? That at least might give you some indication of what 'type' of miscarriage you might be having i.e. blighted ovum etc which might give you some possible answers/explanation. Go ahead and break some plates if it makes you feel better!

We had to pull out of our house purchase yesterday. I'm so disappointed. January has been proper shite.

You guys are great. Thanks.

There really isn't anything too say that doesn't sound silly. MrM and I have been saying rubbish to each other all night. But as long as nobody says "well at least it was early on" or "at least you know you can get pregnant" then I won't have to karate chop any of you.

Oh Muser. Again, there's nowt to be said that doesn't sound wanky or patronising, so just know that we are always here for yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself and do whatever you need. Hibernation is always good.

Am now firmly of the opinion that not knowing what's going on is the worse element of all this crap. If you know what's hapening or going to happen, you can deal with it, however awful, but uncertainty is the killer. S'why have stopped reading crap about colposcopies and the like.

Camel, am v happy the needling went well. As you know, am thinking of it too, so would be interested to know more. Did you go to one specialising in/renown for fertility help or just a general one? Most importantly of all, I hope it fucking works! If it does, there will be a BESHy stampede to Acupuncturists all over Europe

Ok, listen up Muser, go get your man-thing to hug you tight and stroke your hair and kiss your forehead! Stay firm and INSIST on it! (BESHie orders) I'd suggest he not actually SAY anything (potential minefield is full today) but just do the above for hours, if necessary - perhaps breaking to make you your favorite tea or fetch choccies. (did I spell that right?) Right now is the shittiest time, we're all aching for you, especially those who have been there. Do whatever you need to do to take good care of yourself. Then, you can deal with the next steps. There are things to be done to help find out answers and make progress - but today isn't the day for that stuff. Today is for throwing plates and making someone else clean it up!

Anyone think I should apply to be a drill instructor after that last post? (was done with a funny accent in my head though - but all meant with the squishiest, kindest intentions)

Double post to answer my lady Camelina... I tried fertility needling a while back when we were still trying "naturally" but haven't been at all during IUI or IVF. I'm not sure I really believe that it works, but I'd try anything, I mean - hell I have blue ffj!

muser just wanted to come and give you a manly punch on the arm.

Going back to the giving up booze thing, I'm of the camel and cunty school of thought. A couple of drinks during pg is going to do no harm whatsoever. Since I got diffed I have had; a sip (literally a tiny mouthful) of whisky that TGO got for christmas, one white wine and soda, pretty much all soda, and a G&T which had about the same amount of gin in as the whisky I had. And tbh, they were all vile. It's not hard to not drink at all, the idea is pretty disgusting to me atm. At the same time, once I've got over the nausea etc, I don't see anything wrong with a glass of wine, or small G&T every couple of weeks.

Also I am not giving up runny eggs. Sorry, I'd rather give up eggs all together. What's the point of a fried or poached egg with a solid yolk?

And, shoot me, I ate brie last week.

To me, you have to be comfortable within yourself that you are taking the precautions you feel necessary.

I know first hand that sometimes the risks we take every day are not worth taking - my mum and brother were killed in a car accident when I was 7, my dad and I survived. But I still get in a car every day, because I also know that those risks are small. As is the risk that I have done some horrendous damage to my BOC by having the minute amount of alcohol I have consumed.

Bloody hell cos You poor lamb.

cos, thats grim

• sorry sorry thats happened hen

a girl that i dance with is diffed after about 2 weeks of trying
it's lovely for her but honestly such a wrench when she was showing scan pics last night
scorps echos the others, don't read too much beforehand it will only freak you out

cos what cunty said (and did!)

can't begin to imagine how hard that was for you and your dad.

droid.

wasn't expecting to get updiffed if i'm really honest, only second month of trying.
This does explain my severe weepiness of the last couple of days.

On the bright side it means i can get drunk on Valentines day when we are going to see a band we really like.

opens the Calvados

Oh Cos, that is so sad. My heart goes out to you and your Dad.

cos I'm very sorry to hear that. You are your dad must have been be very brave.

muser hope you took hawaii's advice. Sorry the shit appears to be falling on you again.

Ref droids, usual for me is 5-7 days, with at least three involving heavy bleeding and extreme pain. No real spotting days, just lighter flow either end. I don't think this was "normal", so to speak.

Casp I think that's what used to be normal for me...something like that at least. That's why this light short bleed is weird...has been like this since after the erpcs I think..hmmm....

On the lovely tmi side,this month it was mostly black how grim.

gin to add to your scientific study - my cycle length was 29 days after babyfail (27 days before) although it took a few months to come down from 33, then 31 days etc. Droid is usually 2 days of heavy, followed by 1 lighter day and then dribs and drabs the day after - so guess about 4 days? After baby fail I had a very light droid the first month - have assumed it was an annuovulatory month tho - so maybe that makes a difference?

Sorry bout droid rollo cos obv that is fucking shit - but we have already spoken about dis... am not ignoring. I do agree on the booze front.

I know what you mean gin and hope yours sort themselves out. In a couple of my post-pill crazy cycles I had short, light bleeds, so I knew things were not functioning properly - as nice as it was not to bleed like a stuck pig for a week. You know your own body. Black could be good despite the grimness - in a sort of clearing out way IYSWIM. When do you next see any docs about it all? Will they check that you are healing up ok and going back to "normal"? (as I remember you are not allowed to SWI at the mo - do you have to wait for a green light?)

Cos I'm so so sad to hear that, had no idea

My God, Cosmo, that must have been earth shattering...many hugz hun .

Gin

My cycle is usually around 26 days, with 2 days heavy bleeding, then very little after. I think it was normal after 2nd m/c...can't really remember, but I am sure I would have been going menkul if it was anything but (wondering if diffed again). I didn't have an erpc, though...are they going to scan you again to check everything clear?

God Cossie that's just horrendous . And it has certainly put my moaning into perspective.

casp is 2 weeks on fri (the 19th) so not so far off now. Am not totally sure what'll happen. don't think they'll scan cho as this time I don't think there's any worries bout stuff left behind...

Is likely I'll have to have laproscopy to check if tube fucked and also to check extent of adhesions n how much trouble they are causing. Will then know if I can swi,or need stuff doing,or what. Have no idea of the timescale involved here... So really have no idea when we can ttc again. For all we know it could just all be fine now

Thanks for helping with my totally scientific survey laydeez.

cuntshine my lovely,have you had laproscopy?

In an ideal world I'd prob avoid another general anaesthetic/surgical procedure,but I think it may well be the only way to see what's what n all...

Well they obv won't scan cho at my appt. I doubt she will be there. Losing my grip on syntax n shiz.

Bloody hell Cos

Was gonna moan about my ridiculously short cycle/luteal phase/period but I think I will count my blessings.

Gin I'm sorry I sent everyone off on a wild goose chase re: cycle length when you clearly said droid length!

Mine was as you ans Casp describe before I went on the pill, followed by 13 yrs of never giving droid a thought!

When I came off the pill I thought periods would come back longer and heavier, like in the old days, but in fact they are even lighter than when on the pill, but drag on for ages. Example would be 3 days of rustiness starting beige and becoming progressively browner, 1 or 2 days of moderate bleeding and bit of period pain, 2 or 3 days of very very light bleeding, 2 days of rustiness again. Oh dear far TMI. It worries me as it doesn't seem quite right. Am I a freak?