30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

I think the Government should give every woman over 30 a giant hammer.

Lovely, lovely Gin, be strong (That's a bottom-lip-over-top-feeling-your-pain kinda smile)

I don't have anything sensible to say, so not going to bother. Can I just smother everyone into my (sadly no longer comedy big) boobs.

Missed the gin/poo/scorps sandwich where's my love, eh?

scrop wish you lived closer, too. Then you could pop over and share the plamil sugar-free dark choc with hemp seeds that I'm trying not to eat all of out of boredom.

gin you are doing really well. I can't bear to think how scary things must have been for you. Have been thinking of you loads.

Short LPs? Am still not clear how much impact this can have - the Internets have confused me. Have been too scared to play with agnus castus, but may add it to the list of crazy supplements soon. Might ask consultant lady about it.

Speaking of, AIBU to be annoyed by the letter that came from the fertility clinic summarising the history I'd given, which stated Ben's profession but not mine. Surely both or neither are relevant!

no, not at all unreasonable (unless profession somehow affects sperm quality or something, but can't see that somehow). We had an entertaining mixture of titles on Christmas cards addressed to us (we both have more than one you can choose from), some of which irritated troublesome husband (TH I guess) immensely, generally to my amusement. But official people need to get these things sorted.

Camelina its not too late, come and join the groping hug... come bury your face in my DD's.

Maybe they think man's job is relevant to sperm production.... you know, just in case he is regularly handling radioactive material, or dangling by the bollocks as sideshow circus freak entertainer?

Cameltoe an LP of 10 or less days is classed as short, and it basically means the poor little fertilised egg does not have enough time to get sufficiently cosy before it gets booted out along with the rest of your womb lining. 12-14 days is ideal but I can't seem to get that far every month.

Out of the 9 months that I actually managed to record proper details, I only got to day 12 twice - the seven other months were all 9 or 10 days, so I think we may be identified my problem!

Agnus Castus is supposed to help lengthen LP but I think it (and B6) take a long time to build up in your system. I've been taking it properly since September but I don't think it is working yet. Bummer!

Sorry if I am telling grandma how to suck eggs as it were.

I think the Grandma eggs thing is part of the problem

Badum-tssssh!

Camel, you're so possessive and clingy - I come out of the pit to get a break from 24-7 lezzing you up down there and you're still complaining? Oooops... that was meant to be a secret, wasn't it

Me wan' hempychoc NOW! Nomnomnomnom - have tried that before and it is de-lish Your profession is not important because by pursuing motherhood you are declaring yourself to be a 50s-throwback chattel with no life of your own outside popping out sprogs and tending to said sprogs. You think you're sooooooooo clever with all your book-smarts, but you know nothing about real life, Missy

Slightly off-tangent, but did you know that several well-known companies, mainly travel ones, have systems where having 'Dr' as your title is incompatible with 'sex: female'?! In other words, that company refuses to accept that women can have PhDs (or be GPs, I guess). It's enough to make you nag your husband to complain about it for you

TYF is in my bad books - he refused to help me kidnap a child in Holland & Barrett: a lovely rosy-cheeked baby girl in the very iCandy pram I've got my eye on and the parents were engrossed in BOGOF dried fruit choices and horrible, horrible TYF just thought I was joking. The heartless monster.

B6 v cheap in there. Got the 100mg strength. Maybe it will also cure me of my rampant emoticonmania...

Scorps TG and I had a discussion yesterday on how snow-time is the perfect time to abduct small children, as the parents are distracted by snow, ice, defrosting the car etc, and obviously dried fruit as well! Shucks... you missed a prime opportunity there.... stoopid TYF.

No, it's good cos there's CCTV everywhere innit, and then you'd be baaaaaaanged up for a 10 stretch and your baby's father would have to be some bent screw from HMP Derby and then you'd be all over the eveing news and you wouldn't be able to hold your head up in public, AND I'd be willing to bet you would NOT get an invitation to TYF's parents' house next Christmas.

Actions and consequences, buddy, actions and consequences.

On the other hand, Cunty, at least the cell would be clean and someone else would cook me a meal if I was doing bird

I get my herbal drucks from Healthspan - Folic Acid and a Vit B complex.

Higher Nature is my usual dealer but needs must, etc., etc.

Huzzah!

Alright everyone? Hope you are all having a great Saturday night.

Obviously I am new to MN and have ventured in here as I am 30plus and MrSS and I are on the case with TTC #1.

Tis the first time of trying properly (we did have a not trying/not preventing period last year but NADA) and now I am awaiting the anticipated DROID due in a few days.

Have a horrible feeling the droid will appear and that MrSS and I are going to be a couple that won't conceive easily. No reason why, not that we know of, but have a feeling.

Right, I have droned on enough.

LOL!

Nice to meet you all. I look forward to stalking hanging out here.

Welcome SilverSky - do the quiz!

Tell me where to find the quiz and off I'll go to do it!!!

Unfortunately you'll need to read through the last nine years of posts to find it. God knows who made these rules, but they are the rules.

LOL!

I may be some time!!!!

Hello Newbie, but here's a quick Palace hint: we don't lol here, we snort derisively with bitterness at evil, sarcastic dreadfulness. Our humour is strictly treacle-black and twisted - nothing much else gets us through the babyfails.

Update: FFJ, POK and Man From Del Monte say yes, so tonight has been SWI-ville chez Scorpette. The end of a spunktastic week; I can do no more this cycle...

How did you know? Sarcasm is my forte!

Good work Scorps will cross fingers, toes and eyes for you. Also feel like short of stealing baybee from a neighbour, could not have done much more this month. Nonetheless am feeling weirdly gloomy and predicting major beshie histronics come next weekend when it will have all been for nowt.

As you can see I am in a positive, upbeat mood. Only good thing this weekend has been the purchase of a pooch bed for our impending hairy arrival.

Also am experiencing a surprising level of discrimination from people who believe that if you work and get a dog you are the fucking devil and that only landowners of 17 hectares can possibly look after such a thing. It's getting right on my wick.

Just seen another FB pregnancy announcement. Do they never end?

Welcome SilverSky, I believe the quiz is right at the beginning of this thread. Oh, and it's your round.

The darts is on.

as if I needed a further reason to want to be pregnant, Radley have Baby Bags, and they are in the sale.

Q - does someone who posts here also post somewhere else that I post, under a different name, and may just have mentioned the same thing I mentioned in my last post?

If that is too cryptic, then the answer is presumably no and it is just a coincidence.