30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

Don't leave without my goodbye snog, VAG! Have only just seen your msg (), so am replying forthwith
Try to remember which brother you're married to (tis easy for me - TYF is the foxy one )!

Laurie, hope your lump turns out to be nuffink to worry about. I had a weird lump in my left boob when I was 24 and whilst I was waiting for my Dr's appointment, I was trying on a tight top and it visibly and palpably burst [spews into mouth emoticon]. And I get a little one at the side of each breast just before droid is due every month - so every time they flare up, I know it's babyfail central again . Fingers crossed for you, chuck

Thanks for your job support guys - I too think this is the perfect opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and start my own bidniz, instead of just talking about it like I have done for the last 600 years. Trouble is, I'm a bit of a dilettante - am 'quite good' at lots of things and 'quite interested' in lots of stuff, so don't know where and how to focus and apply self. Biggest skill is writing (in case you hadn't guessed!) but don't know how to turn this into v practical money-maker. Time to get serious and brainstorm this weekend, methinks.

Sorry to hear about your lump, laurie, fingers crossed.

Oh FFS. DPO9... spotting already. The pink panther is in my pants. Cramps and back ache already here so no doubt full on droid will arrive by tomorrow. Babyfail number 21, HSG here I come.

Oh fuck PollyPoo, that sucks. It's bad enough droid arriving, but arriving early is just uncalled for.

No wonder I can't get fucking pregnant with an LP of 9 fucking days.....gar. Still - at least I didn't have another 5 days of building my hopes up. See how I'm trying to find the silver lining? (I'm sure it will only last until droid proper arrives... the fucker)

Arse. That's rubbish Polly.

More hopes that all's OK Laurie, how long will it take to get you to see a consultant?

Flip, Laurie hope all ok and just a case of sodding hormones wreaking havoc.

Polly sorry love, 'tis shite. Agree at least you didn't have to wait 2 weeks for the fucker to arrive.

Just got back from Sherlock Holmes. Mr Moo claims utter tripe and 'steam punk' (wherever the hell he picked that up I don't know). I on the other hand, having no cinematic taste, thought it was a good old Victorian London detective romp. Kept my mind off pathetic list making of symptoms.

Fed up of fricking snow an all. Borrrrring.

Sorry Laurie, I missed your post. Hope everything turns out to be nothing.

Just thought I'd look in on you guys as haven't been around for a while...

lorry hope all will be fine. If it helps,I've had 4 lumps over past few years (not hormonal droid thingies) and I do have the c word in the family (to the point where we've been advised to get genetic testing) BUT lumps have still been fine. Docs often have a pretty good idea if it's a cyst or other non-c stuff by density,mobility,texture etc etc. Know from experience that it's hard not to fret til it's been properly checked tho.

scorps really hope you manage to get sorted,you are a woman of many talents so I believe you will.beshie luck n strength to you.

fig sorry things tough,hope you ok.

polly arsebiscuits re droid. Am sorry you so fed up luvver.

And everyone else,hello.

Not much to say on own account really. Saw doc on fri as am still surprisingly rough (mentally and physically.) I thought I'd be ok by now. Doc was great (he is lovely.) he thinks a lot of the cause of emotional shit is that I still don't know exactly what happened to my body,how damaged I am from it etc. No one has ever talked to me about anything.he is insisting on an urgent gynae appt and prob larascoprosy to see if tube fucked.

He also reassured me that I'm not a pathetic twat to still be feeling shit..reckons a tubal mc is hard on the body,I also have a uti,have massive external stress to do with the business and have had a shitty year as far as the mc stuff is concerned. He actually got me to admit how frightened I really was on Xmas day (am quite good at denial)

Am signed off work if I want to be (depression and exhaustion) but obv am not doing that. He is holding off on anti-ds as he feels that my state of mind is entirely appropriate for the situation and I need time to come to terms with stuff,not drugs. He feels gynae appt essential for that. He also said there isn't a pill in the world that can fix this,but I will be ok. I love my doctor.

So that's it. No ttc for me as at the mo I am v scared of another ectopic (1 in 10 chance) and I just can't handle any of it. hawaiian know you have been thru worse and you are braver than me,apologies for my moaning.

Ps beshie was on the gin last night (doc made sure my antibiotics were fine with booze!) is yummy. Thanks again lovely.

And thanks to everyone for the support,entertainment and comedy violence.

Smooches x

Hi Ginhag - why not take the sick line of work - gives you the space to work it all through? Or do you need work to keep you thinking about other things?

Hey medee I just can't,is my company and we have a major trade show thingy coming up so I can't spare me iyswim!

Only work 3 days am home with mooch for 2. Which is not quite what I wanted, but that is another issue...

And yeah,I do sort of feel that I need to be doing something or I'll go proper mad...would gladly sleep for couple weeks though.

I see, yes, it is different when it is your own business.

ginhag your doctor sounds amazing and exactly what you need. So many of them just dole out the anti depressants when as you say it's entirely right to feel as you do. When do you think you'll be seeing the gynae etc?

Oh, gin! Is lovely to hear from you and am so pleased that dr is listening. And right. Amazing GP you have. Keep taking care of yourself and I really, really hope things get better, fast.

Pol the spotting is evil. Sorry, hon.

Am wondering what to do with my weekend. Suggestions?

GINHAG! So good to hear from you So sorry that you've been feeling so down. But what a great Dr you have; it can't change what's happened, but being understood, listened to and promptly helped must help. So rare to find a Dr who doesn't want to dole out ADs at the drop of the hat because they recognise that there are times when it's absolutely right to be distraught. Bummer that you can't take time off work but at least it sounds like you'll be soon be getting a clearer picture of what's going on in your lady-insides. In the meantime, use us lot as your ADs

Poo, so sorry about the pink panther. C'mere, there's room to make this a Scorpette sarnie, you and Gin

Am pathetically jealous of your 9-day LP: my spotting has been starting on CD19 or 20 of late. Seeing as today is CD16 and haven't actually OVed yet (wasn't t'other night after all, cuntsticks), I've already had to write this month off. At least I'm seeing Dr on Wed. I may pull an absolute howler (literally) of a menkul if she dismisses my luteal worries. Think today is the magic day (finally having some FFJ and was crampy yesterday and temp has dipped this morn), but didn't SWI last night and cycle has now changed to only being 25-26 days so meh. Sorry to waffle on, people have much worse shit going on. Just feel so angry-sad all the time

Camel, whatever you do with your wkend, it can't be worse than what I've got to do - try to make a grown man go shopping for some leather shoes or boots as he only has converse boots and insists that they are perfectly good footwear for the snow, despite moaning about wet and cold feet all the fucking time. Where is the 'withering sigh' emoticon, hmm?

Facebook is mocking me - just went on there and there was a giant advert in the corner saying 'ARE YOU A MUMMY?'

Oooh, a Scorp/Gin/Poo sandwich - that is a perfect way to wake up on a Saturday.

Scropes I also feel angry/sad most of the time. It doesn't seem to matter what I do - my body is still failing me. It is so upsetting when you spot all the symptoms,take very supplement you can get your mitts on, record the temps, even manage to SWI - and its actually all for nothing if I don't get a long enough LP. GAR.... I feel like - what is fucking the point? I felt v self destructive last night and took to my bed with Hitchcock dvd, a packet of biscuits and a v large vodka. Why oh why do I have to sabotage my diet/health? Got really bad stomach ache today, just can't tolerate sugar at all. Guess I wanted to punish my useless body.

I thought I had managed to get LP up to 12 days, but didn't get acupuncture this month, what with christmas being in the way. Maybe that is why the short LP this month. I contacted 3 new acupuncturists yesterday, not one of the fuckers has come back to me. I did a bit of research and saw that Bristol PCT are thinking of including acupuncture in their fertility treatments - how cool is that? Wish south somerset would...

Gin what a great Dr you have - wish I had one like that instead of the useless feckers I am lumbered with. Am seriously thinking of changing surgeries... if only I can be arsed. I think I am like you Gin, in that work is the one thing that keeps me sane when everything else is shit - I need to keep some kind of normality. I hope you get a Gynae appt soon, it sounds like it would really help. Well, I know it would certainly help me anyway.

Right, need to get Boo some lunch. Roundhouse kicks to the lot of you hags.

Yep my gp is ace. He's basically just a very nice man,who actually gives a shit. However in the interests of self pity I feel duty bound to point out that thus is not the first medical practioner I have seen regarding the mc...far from it in fact. He is just the first person to actually think about it beyond just making sure I'm not dead (not that I didn't appreciate docs doing that obv.)

incidentally,I actually wanted ads. Am glad he thought not best as I do agree,however it is horrible to know that you are simply not coping and you don't have a clue how to feel better.

Sorry to sound like a twat but a decent gp,tho I know they are rare,is not enough to make me feel lucky at the moment.

Thanks for all the lovin' tho. I may not sound appreciative but I truly am.

Aw sweets, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trivialise how you are feeling - I can't possibly imagine. I hope TC is taking extra good care of you. Big snogs. x

It's alright I think I am probably being very unfair. Social skills rather impaired, sorry.

Don't be sorry Gin, come here and give me a big lezzer snog.

Laydeez, let us be a hydra of smooching! * gin, there's not wrong with your social skills - in fact, I admire you greatly for being as lovely and coherent as you are, all things considered. Be kind to yourself, luvver (as you Brizzlers would say). Ironic that you would like ADs and get the only GP considerate enough not to be shoving them at you, but ADs often don't work when there is a genuine reason for grief (for example, my Dad was given some when my Granddad died but it did fuck all, as it's normal to be heartbroken at your father's passing).

Poo, I know exactly how you feel. Am reluctantly coming to conclusion/realisation that my LP is fucked. Never get to DPO10 without spotting having already started. Used to ovulate on D12, have 28D cycle and only have 2 days spotting before full droid but I swear, the very month we started TTC, everything went tits up. I know everyone will be thinking 'I bet it was weird before but she didn't notice', but, because I am so baybee-obsessed, had been rigidly documently menstrual facts 'n' figures for over a year before TTC, just so I knew what was normal for me or not and the above non-problematic routine was the same every month

Sorry birds,can't even be arsed with hot lesbo action.appreciate the thought tho!

scorp I want them but didn't think I should have them,iyswim. So was good doc said he thought best not at the mo. Have stuff to get head round.

I actually asked him if he could hit me over the head with a giant hammer (which he seemed to understand!)

gin, am v glad that although your doc can't take away the shitness of it all, he's not adding to it like so many of them seem to. I've not been through what you have, but would imagine that all you're describing feeling is an entirely reasonable response, don't be hard on yourself.