30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

Thanks meds and hello - long time no see. How's things up in the homeland?

THE BESHTEST

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

You mean there are people who don't?

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

cradle snatcher (just), although his Mum was convinced I was after his money even when I was earning more than he was - hey ho.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

storks leave them under the gooseberry bush don't they?

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a - where's the fun in b?

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b

6. what colour are your walls?

some stupid name like whispers of snowflakes, although they don't look much like the snow out of the window

7. Number of pets?

none

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Lucius Malfoy (is that weird? - can think of plenty of reasons it might be)

9. Lesbian crush?

still thinking about that one

10. What are your views on camping?

in this weather? - don't be daft

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

nothing yet, but any advice on what I should be wasting my money on practising with sensibly investing in gratefully received

So, can I stay or do I have to keep stalking you all?

I reckon you can stay. Now, if you don't have them already, sort yourself out with ebay and paypal accounts, you're going to need them to ensure a continued supply of cheap ov and piss sticks.

And for chrissake don't go camping - all will be revealed in milder weather!

You might want to have a closer look at Q3, And invest in some new wooden spoons...

Perhaps someone would like to explain widdershins to our newcomer?

Yo ho ho mo-fo's!! (flounces in in a flurry of snow).

Just stalking the palace, love the new name.

Still not up-diffed, had HSG or some such similar dye up the old fango type test. No blockage - yee-ha!

Bought tickets for Glastonbury next year, thus guaranteeing up-diffedness.

Off for an advocat & purple Quality Street.

Merry Christmas & a bay-bee fest New Year, x

Last I heard you were working in a bar in Koh Phi Phi doing ladyboy make-up! What's brought you back?

Christ this season is magical - a long lost BESH returns. Merry Christmas to you too llou. Any more of you lurking?

HI CC, lurk but don't post much when I am waiting the near 4 weeks till Ov time!

It's snowy up here, struggled to get in today and then got sent home at midday.

aw meds those long cycles must get you down, sorry. Have a good hard kick to the shins.
That's good, getting sent home! Hope you have been out building snow baybeeeees. Just heard that it's snowing in my home town - don't remember any there at Christmas time since about 1995, so I'm a bit . Just icy here. Boooo!

they do a bit, mainly cos I know we have fewer opportunities to try. Still, am enjoying my booze at the mo, knowing I'll be on the wagon in January which is so much easier to conceal. Fingers crossed for a 2010 baaayyybeee.

widdershins?

(see, told you I was new to all of this. Ebay account is ready and waiting though)

ocarina good girl re ebay. The 10 for a quid ones are just fine (worked for me). Means you can pee all you like without a) using a load of plastic each time (if you mind about such things) and b) save your bank balance a LOT.

Just wanted to point out that number (5) is completely wrong. But I can't as to do so would out me as a SW fan and that's just not acceptable here.

Well good luck with your baybeemaking.

camelina

Things I never thought I'd be buying on ebay..... Think I'd better wait until after all nosy relatives have departed post Christmas before I order them - they wouldn't open my post, but they might want to know what it was. (Must also remember to clear cache on computer so they don't spot all my baby related web surfing )

ski I heart you - and your reference to boyjoy makeup in Koh Phi Phi Oh I do miss living in Thailand!

Ocarina welcome to the palace! (so glad you asked about widdershins... I have been wondering myself!)

Camelina arse, bollocks, fuckwads! For now I guess this means drinking heavily through Christmas and New Years and a cushion playdate with scorps

Laurie Merry Christmas and toast to the proper functioning and structure of your bits!!!

May we all find ourselves puking for good reason in the New Year!

Ho ho ho, just popping in from far far away to wish all the BESHES a very fertile Christmas. [tugs beard, pats large stomach, rustles in suspicious bag] I see half of you have won babies already, which is spectacularly good going. Congratulations! May 2010 knock up everyone else. Book that handsome dark-haired first footer NOW, I say.

Still no babyfig, and DH has just got a new job away from me and my dusty ovaries during the week, so who knows whether I'll manage one this year. In my more bitter wry moments, I do think it's v unfair that Mary Mother of God managed to get knocked up without EVER having sex, let alone doing it nineteen times in one day while drinking grapefruit juice, on holiday. Maybe we just need to wander around gardens in a blue dress/white headscarf combo, waiting to meet an angel, unexpectedleeeeee (copyright, all nativity plays circa 1980)

May 2010? I don't want to wait until May 2010!

Welcome back Figgywiggy! And Laurilou! How was the Thailand for you?

Also second raising a festive glass or 15 to welcome back Figgypudding and HalleLaurieLoujah (see what I did there?) Hic!

And welcome Newby Ocarina! Abandon sanity and dignity all ye who enter here...

Just made these (but mine will be topped with dolly mixtures/mini marshmallows). mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Trifle tomorrow night. But how much will last until I reach my in-laws on Thursday?

Welcome back fig. You going to stick around?

Yum, cupcakes.

I feel rubbish. Rubbish rubbish. Why do I always get a cold at Christmas? And on Thursday we are heading up to the family where I will see my pregnant sister-in-law for the first time. I am terrified I will turn into a jealous bitch queen because she won a baybee and I didn't.

There may not be enough gin in the world. I'm going to sit in the pit and mope.

steal the baby, steal the baby!

Sorry you're feeling poo muse. Have a cyber cupcake on me.

Ooh me likey the new gaff! It's well posh innit.

And all sorts of waifs and strays have come in to say hello too! Punches all round.

Where is weewee? haven't seen her about for a while.

Laurie! Figgles! Hello!

Muser, is all horrid. Bah humbug.

Ta for all the sympathy. Am looking forward to a Christmas and New Year Great Boo's Up. Having said that, body is fucking with me - pulled out mooncup expecting gore and discovered nada. Think am heading for a scorp-stylee brown bits saga. Bum, bum, bum.

Hello newb stalker Ocarina. Welcome.

NOTHING says Christmas like brown, tar-like goo occasionally staining your gusset, does it Camel? And we still have inconvenient and buzzkilling period pains to look forward to yet! What a festive fucker

FIRST

Obviously what needs to be bellowed said to VAG is, have you POAS yet? Why do you have brown bits in Sweeney Todd's drinking receptacle?

Baking? Baking? Doncha know you can buy biscuits from Germany which taste better than mannah from heaven?