30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

[CurlyCasper]

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

scorps, do a big poo? Um, not sure about the spots though - perhaps go to a costume shop and see if you can get some theatre/film make up to build the rest of your face up so it's on the same level as them spots, then slap on loads of foundation to cover the red?

So I iz proper 2woofling. I felt all dizzy and odd last night on the bike ride and and to go home early. And today I have proper bad wind (could be down to curry last night at cabbage at lunch though?) and the more independent cat came to sit on my knee earlier

gin nice to see you around, hope you are ok.

in answer to longwee tgo asked me not to tell him when ov happens etc as he doesn't want the "pressure" but he ends up knowing anyway as it's the only time I initiate sex

Well this may inspire you cunty...

Mani kept trying to drink mr gin's beer last night. He tasted it and kept wanting more. We pointed out that beer is for big people and he is little...and when he is big he can drink beer.

He thought for a bit then climbed up to stand on the sofa, and said 'Am bit bigger now. Beer please Daddy'!!

He's not even 2... Have spawned a monster

cheers for the good wishes and violence guys. Have a lot of crap in various areas of life at the mo,plus the small one has hit terrible twos early and is also not sleeping too well so am exhausted and less able to deal with aforementioned shit. Am crying a lot. Don't tell anyone cos I'm a double-hard bastard me.

Cosmo, as I seem to have been elected Group Mentalist, I see it as my duty to award you the highest award possible for BESHes: The 2WOOFL Gold Standard BatShit Crazy Mental Symptom for your sterling work involving cats

Who knew that 'cat that doesn't like to be touched a lot allowed me to touch it' could be a proppah sign and all that?

'Thanks' for all your helpful hints regarding my repulsive physical appearance. Not sure that being a one-legged pantomime dame would actually help improve things, though. Any and all photos will be side profile or I'll 'accidentally' have hand up to mouth (cunning). Will also try and adopt hilarious 'Liz Hurley' posture in every full-length pic. I'm saying this like TYF will actually take photos of his own volition without me screeching at him in fury that I would 'like a memento of the day'.

The rest of my skin looks flawless. Cuntsticks.

I do realise this is shameful trivial whining, btw

Cunty, you're allowed to have your worries and wibbles - I'm firmly in the 'desperate' camp and I too worry about hardship and sacrifice, etc.

Cosmo - I feel vaguely 'odd' in a new way and 'not myself'. This could just be one of the spots turning into a second head, mind

Oi scorps cat related insanity is a proper documented symptom of diffedness you fucker. Cats like you when you're diffed. Fact.

Ah-ha - vaguely "odd" and "not myself" that is how I feel

Hi all,

Please be it officially announced that I am officially diffed.

YOB and I have been deeding quite well, today is day 13 and I've seen slight, if not brilliant, signs of FFJ (or it could be jizz but who's counting). No temp spike yet so I've not ovulated so I guess that officially I need to do that to actually properly be pregnant, but that just details, details, let's face it.

I'll be back in a week to make you all over my darling twins. Natural home birth, breastfeeding like a dream and cloth nappies hanging whitely on the line.

But I AM diffed. I'm convinced of it. All I need to do is ovulate.

carrots I like your thinking. I was saying to camel and iggs only earlier today we need to get someone in to sort out how this reproduction thing works because it's not really that efficient, but it looks like you've cracked it. Write up your report and I'll disseminate it to the rest of the team.

cosmo yeah, absolutely. I felt some positive vibes were needed in here, no matter how displaced from reality. And I'm reeling from one extreme (of depression) to the other (presumably of manic) which needs some serious butt-kicking to wort out.

Mani story has proper cheered me up. So cute.

Carrots, I briefly thought you were announcing diffedness for realz and got v confused. I'll get me coat.

or even sort. Choice is yours.

Can someone tell a funny joke, please?

ginhag that is a very cute story. I really love it when they come out with their own logic .

cunty it will all be fine. You will love your baby in a way that you never expected and life will be different, but better. I'm very excited for you even as I understand your ambivalence.

ideal I am so incredibly tuned into my body that I can recognise a pregnancy before I even ovulate. Please now treat me as the Queen of Diff. All may bow down at my feet.

Actually, forget the baybeejezuz. You should all pray to the Queen of Carrots. 'Twil work as well, nay better, and the shape is more phallic.

Yeah Scorpy, everyone will be wondering about your bleeding stump rather than your weight or spots. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (cause I'll be asleep when you wake.)

at Cosmosis and your cat fact. Do dogs like you less, then?

Am scared that if I pray to The Queen of Carrots and it works, the kid will be an orange-skinned Ooompa-Loompa (orange from the beta-carotene, short after me ).

I have decided that I too am updiffed. I've even ovulated and done a sex in my foofoo with a man's winkie and all that superstitious nonsense! Here are my signs: feel hungry and sick - is unrelated to pre-birthday dieting. Mastitis went off and is now general boob soreness - unrelated to natural fluctuations in luteal phase. Temp dip on DPO7 (classic implantation dip timing) - unrelated to bedroom being as cold as an icebox. Feel 'odd' - unrelated to being high on spot cream and feeling weird about turning 37 or not getting much sleep lately.

See? It MUST be true!

Gin - sorry life isn't so great at the mo - I shall punch you only in the face so you can have a cry and blame it on the tear ducts being hurt cos of the violence and therefore maintain your image as a Hard Lass. How's that for thoughtful?

Well, me and my second head are off to bed early now. looking forward to my birthday after all. Don't forget that it's Lyra's birthday tomorrow too.

And I know that it's the Postal Strike so your gifts and cards might be late

Morning & Happy Birthday to Scorps and Lyra

I did a birthday POAS for yers - it said No. Actually it said Definitely Not. Huh.

I was sure summat was going on, so where's my fecking baybee? Oh well am not even late yet so will try again in a few days if the droid doesn't get me first.

Ho hum, I also have to wait 3 hours for you lazy feckers to get out of bed & get to work... (since your clocks went back we're now 2 hours ahead & I have to be in work for 8 => miles before you lot are up)

So I'll crack on with the gin while I'm waiting...

Good morning, and joyeaux anniversaires a scorp and lyra! I would give you the bumps, but don't have the energy to do that many

Eat cake and be merry BESHies.

Now, in the true fashion of Murphy's sods law, in the hours after my visit to the doctor I have had masses of FJ (level of first F not checked), very slippery SWI (much to his delight - ooh, you're soaking; ooh you are loose tonight, TMI?) night sweats (anyone else have these around ov?) and, this morning, a temperature spike. Fertility Friend has not detected ov, but I am 3DOOFLing over my ability to ovulate. A few more months of this and I might even graduate to 2WOOFLing with the big girls!

p.s Don't like new look MN. Can't see the last post in the Threads I'm Watching preview anymore, so I have to actually come in here

Who'd of thunk there would be two of us on here at 6.20am? Morning weewee sorry about the piss stick. Care to join me for gin and croissants?

(am actually off now to make my toast and tea)

Hey Curly - fancy seeing you here at this hour. Get us some toast while you're up will you. Marmite would be lovely thanks. Congrats on the slippery fanny!!!

Happy Birthday scorps and lyra

Wow casper that sounds really good! And brilliant that you caught it, too. I'm a day behind you and woke up to some definately more interesting stuff going on (if not LOADS) so need to wait till tonight when both YOB and I are in the same place (usually helps). We did it twice yesterday so hopefully that's setting up some storage! Big chinese burn for getting there first. Sounds like you will be announcing your BFP a day before me

Wonder how Ski is doing... she was on about the same cycle as us.

scorps don't worry about the orange thing. As you can see from my FB profile photo, looking like a carrot doesn't make you any less of a person.

Is it too early for gin or should I now be on the orange juice and frolicking acid?

It is way too early to read the phrase that longwee signed off with.

Happy birthday, birthday Beshes!

Sorry about general POASfails and madness. I blame the clocks going back.

Happy birthday scropy & lyra. Large absinthes all round!!

Happy Birthday Scorpette and Lyra Lets get the party started! I've not had chance to read through previous posts but will be back later to share a lotfew absinthes and tequila slammers

Morning, BESHes.

weewee I also POAS this morning (got bored of waiting). It said NO, YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT, YOU NEUROTIC FREAK.

So that's me told.

caspar you put me right off my latte

I'm very sorry, how rude of me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCORPS AND LYRA

LOL Bessie. I reckon we could invent a pretty good line in offensive piss sticks...

"Of COURSE you're not fucking pregnant you've just had your period you halfwit. It wasn't an implantation bleed. Get over it"

"No, you're not any more pregnant than you were when you tested this morning, LOON"

"I'm not even going to fucking answer that coz you're ONLY 8DPO"