Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

gettingmyhopesup--

i need training

Bloody Mary? Pina Colada? Sounds like two of your 5 a day to me!

Sounds like laurie clocked our very own extremedressinggown in the fertility clinic then? So that's where she goes when she's not smerkin fags and watching trisha

laurie frankly I'm stunned by the revelation that you're wearing knickers!

cunty I believe extreme is on holiday - probably sat by the pool in her dressing gown though haha.

although that would probably be a 'lounge gown' or a 'pool robe' or something just to make it sound like it wasn't the same fagash lil bit of terry towelling

Only yoking extreme I'm sure it's lovely

Yeah, ski - 'fucking ancient'? Oh, CHEERS. I'm only bloody 36. And quite literally bloody; am having much more painful and fulsome R2D2 than have had in months. Either it was a chemical pg or... hmm. I shall tell myself that a heavier period means better fertility this month. I care not for fact or reason.

*Laurie - I'd just leave the zip down and change my name to I P Freely (hoho). At our advanced state of decrepitude, people expect a spot of incontinence ...

PS Zirc - don't forget the tippex. That can come in handy too.

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! So crampy

scorps would a quick kick in the stomach help relieve the cramps?

cosmo - a top tip worthy of Viz!

editor's picks on the conception (main site, not talk) front page include what appears to be one of the old Mid 30s threads - before the gin bottles were opened. Skater was last to post.

Bizarre that a thread that hasn't been used for months should be a pick of the day...

just time for a quickie ladies, rack them up, i'm gagging for a shot of anything.
Scorp i'm totally in agreement that nightmare RTOD = supreme fertilitypenthouseuterus-- am am still deluding myself that I could actually one day make bloody use of it.
Laurie when the zip catastophre happened to me, i used a stapler to fasten it back up, although they were firing across the office every time i dared to move my big ass!
cunty i feel liberated, having been brought up to never use or speak of the C word... cunty cunty cunt CUNT CUNT CUNT cunty bollocks cunt .
now, wheres my bloody mary? crackers and cheese anyone?

please please give me a chance with awful spelling etc... I have a nosey beaver hovering around my area and no one in the real world knows I'm TTC. Will try harder

zirc If I give you a black eye the nosy beaver will look at that instead of your screen. Now, how do you fancy I go about that? You can have your drink when I'm finished - but [stern look over me specs] hand over the cheese first!

Odd only in timing that we are a top pick. it goes without saying that we are erudite (ooh get me with the big words) and witty enough to feature there regularly. Although perhaps they think we are now too hung up on alcohol and violence to be showcased?

Zirconia - you found us! - have a bottle of gin!

Right BESHs I am now seriously flirting with actually finding out if I am ov'ing via some sort of purchase. Should it be wee-sticks or a thermometer? - answers on a crate of Bolly, please. Wee-sticks - aren't they expensive if I have cycles of apparently random lengths? And is temping to much of a faff/too reliant on not being a fuckwit?

laurie - howis the bladder? - nice and full yet?

I'm making a jug of long island iced tea - who's in?

\O

ladies - I know some of you are taking this TTC lark seriously with your BBT and your charts and fings - do any of you know about cervix's? What they ought to feel like at which stage of your cycle?

If I'm not pg this month I'm buying a school uniform, a packet of Rothmans, ditching the Gin for Pink Lady and dragging jailbait down an alleyway.

VAG real piss-sticks are expensive if you've got weird cycles, but I think you can get equally inconclusive results from ebay cheapies. In your instance you'd probably be better off i) temping or ii) and bear with me... having regular sex. (n.b., not bumsex)

The TCOYF book talks about cervixes. I declined investigating mine.

VAG if you are tight, temping is better, but you won't get a result straight away, you need to do it for a couple of months to see if there is a pattern to when you are ovulating. or be like me and just have random dots all over the place and be unsure if it's your body not functioning correcly or you are a fuckwit who can't operate a thermometer and pencil.

Have you joined them up cosmo? What animal do they make?

I think some of you are not taking this TTC seriously!

"tight VAG" sniggers

VAG is well tight, she wouldn't need the bucket fanny sized mooncup!

cunty it looks a bit like a slightly mutated dinosaur.

Ah something suitably ancient and prehistoric then . I'm going to stop being mean to everyone now and shut up

So perverse am I that I didn't realise you meant stingey, I thought you meant tight as in tight vag and I thought "what's a small fanny got to do with POAS?"

Is the dinosaur in reference to your vag or your picture?

Bit of both ski the vag is somewhat scaly due to all the bike riding

haha maybe it's a Veloceraptor - "oooh clever girl" as it bites the head off of... right, I'll stop there!